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Thread: Male struggling with m/carriage

  1. #1
    dadof1 Guest

    Default Male struggling with m/carriage

    From the other side of things. I'm a dad of 1.
    My wife and i were trying for a second however misscarried after about 11-12 weeks. Were some complications and wife was in A&E and admitted hospital for few days. I won't go into detail, however, after suffering through the misscarriage and seeing what my wife went through in hospital i am struggling to want to try again. Is this a normal reaction?


  2. #2

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    So very sorry for your loss. Yes, it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. My DF almost put a halt to our baby plans because as much as he knew I went through hell, he felt helpless. The pain does subside and the confidence does come back. Every one is different though on how long the greiving process takes. The main thing is communication. DF and I just swept it under the carpet until I finally lost it and we talked. I wish we had of talked more earlier on when the pain was so raw.
    Take care.. xx

  3. #3

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    Your story is so familar to me. My Husband felt exactly the same way and didn't want to try for another until three months after he admited to me his fears of another loss and how it effected me! It was a weight off his shoulders to talk to me about it and we began trying straight away. It is a scary thing to try again and it has to be when you are both ready but talking with her about it will help you both.
    Take care!

  4. #4

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    My DH went through a period of not wanting to try again because of the physical and emotional experience I went through when we miscarried. I was not ready for TTC for a few months afterwards anyway. I think it's important you both discuss what you are feeling. I think my DH tried to be strong for me, which was appreciated, however I think he didn't totally open up because he was so worried about how I was coping - not saying that's the same as your situation, but just wanted to acknowledge it for myself.

  5. #5
    *las* Guest

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    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    DH is currently going through this, I had m/c #3 and 4 last year, the 4th one being the hardest for the course of treatment I chose to help bring on the loss. They were also IVF cycles, it hit me hard, but with some time, I was ready to move ahead. DH on the other hand is really struggling, for the loss of so many pregnancies and because he feels so helpless while I'm going through it. What you are feeling is not only normal, but understandable.

    Give yourself some time to grieve, time with your wife and child and take each day as it comes.

  6. #6

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    Default Breath

    Completely normal. I lost my babies 11 days ago and only now am i thinking..... well maybe.

    This hurts. hurts like hell. But its One Day At A Time.

    None of it makes sense and never will. They are gone. They are not alone Tens of thousands go each year. Most of which are never heard about.

    Just Breath and focus on One Day At A Time. You and your wife will get through this, just as my husband and I will , just as thousands before us have.

  7. #7
    slyder Guest

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    Dadof1, I think it's perfectly normal to feel tthat way. Just give it time, and see how you both feel in due course. You need time to digest what has happened.

  8. #8

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    Hi Dad of 1,

    You are perfectly normal. I know how my DH felt and it was the same, even the counsellor said the hardest part for men is that they just can't fix this one. Men want to fix everything and this is completely out of their hands, they hate to see their wives in physical and emotional pain and not be able to help. Alll i can say is give it time, and remember how important it must be to your wife to try again one day if thats what she wants, for women wanting children it is a desire that cannot just be turned off at a switch , it is a process and we all find our own way thru it. I wish you and your wife only the best for the future and i am so sorry for your recent loss. Sending you a

  9. #9

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    It is perfectly normal to feel that way. The loss of a child has deep reaching effects in your life as individuals and as a couple. I know the pregnancy with our daughter took some time to achieve and so the fear was overcome by the desire to have a child. After her loss, the fear continued. I know our pregnancy was tainted by the undercurrents of fear. Just recently I asked him why he didn't touch my tummy or do any of the gooey stuff when we were pregnant with DS. He said he was too scared to

    Often the fear you feel is not about the pregnancy as such, but the loss of another child and the loss of control - being unable to help your partner and prevent her from feeling and experiencing the pain and loss.

    Talk to her. Talk to a counsellor if you feel that will help. It does get better

  10. #10

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    Dadof1

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss sending big to you take one day at a time grieving is a long slow process and it does take time my DH didnt want to try again for ages but he never told me why at first and i thought he was being horrible untill finaly he told me it was because he didnt want to see me got through all of that again and he was scared of it all happening again i think it was hard for him to see my give bith to our angel but now we are finaly moving forward we have being trying for 15 month now with no luck but fingers crossed it will happen for us soon just dont put pressure on yourself and make sure you tell your DW how you feel as communication helps so much hope it all works out for you take care of each other.

    Munchy xxx

  11. #11

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    i am so sorry for your loss. like Michelle above, my dh has been more distant in this subsequent pregnancy than he was before. we both are having trouble emotionally attaching, even though we try. give yourself time to grieve and time to feel right about trying again. big hugs.

  12. #12
    tb76 Guest

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    Dadof1,
    mc's suck! we lost one very early, almost before we had time to realise we were pregnant. As some of the girls have mentioned, my response was to try and "be strong" for my wife, but you can't do that without dealing with your loss as well. The more I talked to her about it the easier it became to want to try again. Time and talk seemed to help us most.

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