Men after partners M/c

[briggsy's girl]

Byebb - firstly, i'm so very sorry for the loss that you and your partner have been through. i admire the strength of character that you're showing by coming onto BB to find some help - it shows how much you truly care about your partner and the relationship you have.

as mummyofanangel so beautifully said, i too think it's something that the male partner feels "differently" - my DH took on the role of protector and supporter - and didn't let me see how he was truly feeling - he wanted nothing more than to make it "better" for me - and it put a lot more strain on us as a couple as i thought he wasn't feeling the same things i was. admittedly, i now realise that he wasn't feeling the SAME - but he really was hurting. your partner is probably feelin the pain much more intensely than you are - and it's something that you will struggle with over a period of time.

getting pregnant again won't take away the pain of your first angel baby - but the intensity of love your partner felt for your baby may have kicked that "maternal" need into gear in her, and made her realise how much she truly wants to be a mummy... before our first angel baby i wasn't sure how much i wanted to be a parent, but after experiencing that emotion, even for a short time, i realised how much it truly means to me.

be open and honest with your partner - acknowledge that you're feeling hurt, but that you are struggling to understand the depth of her emotions - and then just continue to be there for each other - there will be good days, there will be bad days - and one day you'll both know that it's RIGHT to start trying again...

good luck to you both

BG

[treelo]

Im so sorry for your loss, and i take my hat off to you, for trying to find some answers.

SANDS really is a wonderful place, filled with understanding people, and i recommend them with out hesitation. It must be so hard for the father to understand the intensity of the grief a woman feels after M/C. I believe that the father does grieve but in a totally different way to the mother.
I guess all you can do is be there for her. Let her cry and yell, but you need to let her know that your feeling the loss too, i often got so caught up in my own grief that i forgot about my DH and it was never intentional. He came across as not caring but that wasnt the case at all. And he then felt used because i was so desperate to be pregnant again, and it wasnt to replace my baby, but just my desire to be the mother i always wanted to be. i came so close, but then it was taken away from me.

I think you need to talk about your feelings openly and let her know your concerns.

best of luck
treelo

[Rowie]

I'm so sorry for your's and your wifes loss, it is such a difficult time in any relationship but good on you for trying to understand more of what your wife is feeling so you can better help her. We are complex characters, the best way to describe how I felt after all of my miscarriages was 'someone had wripped the carpet out from under me'. We had started to make plans, clean out the spare room, get all the baby stuff out of the roof, get the cot back, how would I get my son to kinder with a newborn, what about swimming with my son I wouldn't be able to get in the pool with him. When we found out that our baby was an angel that all stopped, really suddenly with no warning.
You both need to grieve but in different ways so take the time to sit and chat with her about how YOU feel, she may then open up and tell you how she is feeling.
Most of all be there for her. You don't have to say anything just hug her and tell her how much you love her and that you are there for her, the future will take care of itself.