Thank you all for your kind words and support, I am moved to tears. Thank you also for the honest assessment of the D&C--especially that their may be some emotional aftershocks. And I will certainly take painkillers, as you recommend. I think I am still in shock and so is DP. Went out for coffee today and it just seems like there are babies and pregnant women everywhere and that just hurts, but I suppose that is a common experience. my partner is really supportive and patient, but now I feel like I'm always going to be hoping it will happen, and that I will be one of the 45 year old or 47 year olds who get lucky, when it was easier when I had no expectations or hope. Life feels pretty empty at the moment, and everything else pales in comparison to that unexpected and joyous 11 weeks. Thank you again all for your understanding and support.
Metaphorica
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. Try not to give up hope. At 41 I was told I would not have a successful pregnancy without IVF. That doctor was wrong.
I gave birth at the age of 42 & my son was conceived naturally. I'd already had 3 losses & had suffered many years of infertility yet my pregnancies were all achieved without the use of fertility drugs.
My last 3 pregnancies all happened within the space of around 6 months so I felt that I actually got more fertile in my 40's which makes no sense at all but that is what happened. Please do not give up hope - you really do not know what lies around the corner where fertility is concerned.
Last edited by Nelle; September 29th, 2009 at 01:22 PM.
: just editing out sig with ticker, as per BB guidelines for this area xo
Satya, thank you. That is very, very meaningful. Even though I know scientifically/statistically the odds are tiny, now that it's happened once, I can't help but wish and hope and pray. I have prayed that if the little one wants to try again, this time with a healthy body, that I make myself available. 6 months?!! That's amazing, and perhaps you are right, it can happen for me, too.
blessings to you all. As my partner said, when you hear of someone having undergone a miscarriage, it's just words, until it happens to you. I understand now all of you and your grief and loss.
I am scared of the D&C. A few years ago I had one and they left me waiting the whole day with nothing to eat or drink and I had a panic attack from lack of water/food. I am scared that if I turn up to emergency like my doctor has suggested,that the same thing will happen. I know there's got to be a certain amount of time elapsed between last food/water before a general anaesthetic, but I'm not sure whether to turn up to emergency first thing in the morning already fasting (and hopefully get seen to quicker) or turn up having had a light snack, in which case they wouldn't do me until the afternoon.
Can you book your d & c through a gynae to get it done more promptly? Turning up to emergency doesn;t sound like a good option. Mine was done through the hospital's EPAU, and the gynae reg tacked it on to the end of the day's elective c-sects, so had a booked time.
It's a tough experience emotionally, but so is any loss. I don't think it's because of the d & c itself that it's tough.
On the plus side (if there can be one) it will really clean you out, so to speak, and might help you to become more fertile for next time, if you decide to keep trying, and I hope you do - I've got my fingers crossed!
To get you through seeing the babies and the preg bellies everywhere, just remind yourself that you don't know their story - each might have had 3 or 4 losses before they got that baby, or it might have taken 10 years to conceive, you just don't know.
Good luck for your d & c - thinking of you tomorrow
Hope today goes ok for you and you are not hanging around too long waiting for the D&C think of it as the start of your next cycle and like snugglebean says its sometimes a good thing can clean you out and give you a better chance of TTC in the future.
I am 44 and still thinking positive ok Ive had kids before but I have lost 5 now so the odds are against me too. But I truley beleive my body can do this again and I am sure yours will too if you give it your best shot think only positive thoughts and go for it when you feel well and in touch with yourself again after your D&C . I spent the first 5 days after breaking down into tears all the time with no warning I felt so empty and sad but then I realized I was thinking in the past and changed my thinking and started looking into the future and that was my goal to get a BFP ASAP. Not sure if its good advice or not but Ive always been a gret beleiver in the power of the mind.
sending you a big to help you get this week over its going to be a hard one for you
Thank you for your support and advice. I went to emergency and after the ultrasound they said the sac had not come away and I will need to expel it either naturally or D&C. They gave me the option of waiting a few days to see if it happens naturally, they also gave me a drug that will stimulate the process, although this is no guarantee that I still won't need surgery-it may work, it may not, or only work partly. Since I want to TTC as quickly as possible, decided not to leave it too long, so I am booked in for the D&C on Thursday. I explained what happened to me last time at the other hospital, and they have booked me in for first on the list. In the meantime, I have the pills if I want to take them, but I am afraid, I am told the pain can be quite bad. On the other hand, it may start of it's own accord anyway, before Thursday, so I'd just have to go through it, Panadeine Forte on hand.
I thought that was good advice, to remember when I look at other mums to be to think how much they might've gone through, rather than feel envious and sad. I also think the advice to look forward is good--I think they were surprised at the hospital that I wasn't more emotional, but the truth is I'm 43 and emotionally I can't hang on to this loss, I have to be emotionally ready to try again, because time is so short. Of course I'm sad and I'm grieving, but like you, I have to think positive, or as positive as I can be. I have to be able to function again. I have to look forward, because I don't have the luxury of anything else. This may be partly a function of age--I've always been highly emotional and get more affected by events, big or small, than other people, and have a hard time getting up again. Other people noticed it. But I'm surprised at my resilience, that I'm not totally flattened. I put it down to something maturing in me. Yes, this loss will be with me forever, and I will always wonder what could've been. And I will surely cry on Thursday, too. But the maternity nurse was encouraging--she told me it was a fully formed sac, not a blighted ovum, and therefore if it happened once it could happen again, it showed I still have viable eggs. The down side is apart from my age, our fertility has been male factor, with a very negative profile, which is why I never went ahead with IVF or believed we would ever conceive.
5 is a lot to grieve over, I admire your courage and your tenacity. Like you, I believe my body knows how to do this, and do it right.
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and concerns and sharing your stories and experiences. It really does help, doesn't it?
Metaphorica
Glad we were able to help just a little I know its early days for you but it seems you are looking towards the future and thats what you need you can do this again.
Just a little story for you may help My first born is from a previous relationship and when I married my DH in the late 80s we TTC from day 1. 2yrs later we decided to get tested and found my DH had a very low sperm count we had IUI with his sperm 4 times after it was cleaned and all the bad ones taken out well to be honest we were told he had hardly any good ones. After much heart ache my DH asked if I would consider donor sperm and after a few months looking into it I decided yes I would give it a go. This was back in the late 80s early 90s so fertility help was not as it is today. Anyhow I had 2 lots of donor insemination and got a BFP on the 2nd attempt we were so pleased and went on to have a healthy baby boy in 91. Well 3 yrs later we decided to try again and use the same clinic and same donor. I started my blood tests and so on ready to take the damn clomid and to my great surprise I was already pregnant ! normal conception with a so called very low almost none existent sperm count. SO THERE IS HOPE for you still.
I now have 9 children the last 7 were normal conception with my hubby and all are to us miracles it seemed the older we got the more fertile he got don't make any sense at all I know. We have lost 5 due to miscarriage along the way but never two in a row ! so when people make comments about me having so many kids I just brush it off as they don't know my story and I have let god give me as many kids as he wants me to have he truly has blessed me and those first 3 yrs of trying and all that heartache has all gone now but I do remember how it made me feel !
Hope it helps and thanks for reading anyway !
:cross fingers: one day you will have a good result too !
just want to let you know metaphorica, i went for my 12 week scan last monday only to be told my baby had not been growing since around 8 weeks. i had the tablets you are talking about on wednesday, and i must say they are not as bad as i thought they would be. yes there was some cramping, but nothing i could not handle. and i took the pain killers.
i went back wednesday for another ultrasound but it had not all come away, there was a 2cm piece left (they said they like anything left to be less than 1cm), so i had to have more tablets, but i think they have worked this time.
have to go back again friday for another check up. it is just my opinion but i think the tablets were the best option for me, as i do not want surgery if it can be avoided. feel free to pm me if you have any questions at all. and please do not give up hope. it happened once it can happen again
So so sorry for your loss. Such a terribly sad experience for you and your husband. I had a lot of fertility treatment to conceive my son 10 years ago, and despite further treatment, I didn't fall pregnant again until I was 44,then 46 and they were natural conceptions. I was devastated to lose the babies, the last pregancy was twins which I lost earlier this year. I know how you feel - such an unexpected miracle when you are in your 40's and then devastation at the loss of something so precious. Give yourself time to grieve your loss but please don't give up. I hope so much you will have a healthy baby in the near future.
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