my only chance

[Metaphorica]

Hi CraftyMummy & Snuggleybean,

Thank you for your support and advice. I went to emergency and after the ultrasound they said the sac had not come away and I will need to expel it either naturally or D&C. They gave me the option of waiting a few days to see if it happens naturally, they also gave me a drug that will stimulate the process, although this is no guarantee that I still won't need surgery-it may work, it may not, or only work partly. Since I want to TTC as quickly as possible, decided not to leave it too long, so I am booked in for the D&C on Thursday. I explained what happened to me last time at the other hospital, and they have booked me in for first on the list. In the meantime, I have the pills if I want to take them, but I am afraid, I am told the pain can be quite bad. On the other hand, it may start of it's own accord anyway, before Thursday, so I'd just have to go through it, Panadeine Forte on hand.
I thought that was good advice, to remember when I look at other mums to be to think how much they might've gone through, rather than feel envious and sad. I also think the advice to look forward is good--I think they were surprised at the hospital that I wasn't more emotional, but the truth is I'm 43 and emotionally I can't hang on to this loss, I have to be emotionally ready to try again, because time is so short. Of course I'm sad and I'm grieving, but like you, I have to think positive, or as positive as I can be. I have to be able to function again. I have to look forward, because I don't have the luxury of anything else. This may be partly a function of age--I've always been highly emotional and get more affected by events, big or small, than other people, and have a hard time getting up again. Other people noticed it. But I'm surprised at my resilience, that I'm not totally flattened. I put it down to something maturing in me. Yes, this loss will be with me forever, and I will always wonder what could've been. And I will surely cry on Thursday, too. But the maternity nurse was encouraging--she told me it was a fully formed sac, not a blighted ovum, and therefore if it happened once it could happen again, it showed I still have viable eggs. The down side is apart from my age, our fertility has been male factor, with a very negative profile, which is why I never went ahead with IVF or believed we would ever conceive.
5 is a lot to grieve over, I admire your courage and your tenacity. Like you, I believe my body knows how to do this, and do it right.
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and concerns and sharing your stories and experiences. It really does help, doesn't it?
Metaphorica

[craftymummy9]

Hi Metaphorica

Glad we were able to help just a little I know its early days for you but it seems you are looking towards the future and thats what you need you can do this again.

Just a little story for you may help My first born is from a previous relationship and when I married my DH in the late 80s we TTC from day 1. 2yrs later we decided to get tested and found my DH had a very low sperm count we had IUI with his sperm 4 times after it was cleaned and all the bad ones taken out well to be honest we were told he had hardly any good ones. After much heart ache my DH asked if I would consider donor sperm and after a few months looking into it I decided yes I would give it a go. This was back in the late 80s early 90s so fertility help was not as it is today. Anyhow I had 2 lots of donor insemination and got a BFP on the 2nd attempt we were so pleased and went on to have a healthy baby boy in 91. Well 3 yrs later we decided to try again and use the same clinic and same donor. I started my blood tests and so on ready to take the damn clomid and to my great surprise I was already pregnant ! normal conception with a so called very low almost none existent sperm count. SO THERE IS HOPE for you still.

I now have 9 children the last 7 were normal conception with my hubby and all are to us miracles it seemed the older we got the more fertile he got don't make any sense at all I know. We have lost 5 due to miscarriage along the way but never two in a row ! so when people make comments about me having so many kids I just brush it off as they don't know my story and I have let god give me as many kids as he wants me to have he truly has blessed me and those first 3 yrs of trying and all that heartache has all gone now but I do remember how it made me feel !

Hope it helps and thanks for reading anyway !

:cross fingers: one day you will have a good result too !

[Liviam]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[scarypinkfairy]

just want to let you know metaphorica, i went for my 12 week scan last monday only to be told my baby had not been growing since around 8 weeks. i had the tablets you are talking about on wednesday, and i must say they are not as bad as i thought they would be. yes there was some cramping, but nothing i could not handle. and i took the pain killers.
i went back wednesday for another ultrasound but it had not all come away, there was a 2cm piece left (they said they like anything left to be less than 1cm), so i had to have more tablets, but i think they have worked this time.
have to go back again friday for another check up. it is just my opinion but i think the tablets were the best option for me, as i do not want surgery if it can be avoided. feel free to pm me if you have any questions at all. and please do not give up hope. it happened once it can happen again

[mummy2chloe]

i am so sorry for you loss, sending you big warm hugs xxx

[Metaphorica]

Hi Metaphorica

Glad we were able to help just a little I know its early days for you but it seems you are looking towards the future and thats what you need you can do this again.

Just a little story for you may help My first born is from a previous relationship and when I married my DH in the late 80s we TTC from day 1. 2yrs later we decided to get tested and found my DH had a very low sperm count we had IUI with his sperm 4 times after it was cleaned and all the bad ones taken out well to be honest we were told he had hardly any good ones. After much heart ache my DH asked if I would consider donor sperm and after a few months looking into it I decided yes I would give it a go. This was back in the late 80s early 90s so fertility help was not as it is today. Anyhow I had 2 lots of donor insemination and got a BFP on the 2nd attempt we were so pleased and went on to have a healthy baby boy in 91. Well 3 yrs later we decided to try again and use the same clinic and same donor. I started my blood tests and so on ready to take the damn clomid and to my great surprise I was already pregnant ! normal conception with a so called very low almost none existent sperm count. SO THERE IS HOPE for you still.

I now have 9 children the last 7 were normal conception with my hubby and all are to us miracles it seemed the older we got the more fertile he got don't make any sense at all I know. We have lost 5 due to miscarriage along the way but never two in a row ! so when people make comments about me having so many kids I just brush it off as they don't know my story and I have let god give me as many kids as he wants me to have he truly has blessed me and those first 3 yrs of trying and all that heartache has all gone now but I do remember how it made me feel !

Hope it helps and thanks for reading anyway !

:cross fingers: one day you will have a good result too !

Hi CraftyMummy
boy, you earned the name! Thank you for your inspiring story, I just love it, and it does give me hope. My DP has a rather poor sperm profile, so poor that it didn't even make the minimum % of possibility of pregnancy without IFV. They were wrong. I have to laugh because last night I prayed for you and everyone on this thread, and here you are with 9 children! You don't need my prayers, you need my help!. I am hoping that age doesn't get in the way for me. You know, I think fertility is a funny thing--male in particular--it can be something as simple as a small change in diet that goes unnoticed, such as maybe suddenly eating more Omega fish or cutting back on coffee for example, or a small change in environment for the sperm profile to change. Emotions probably play a part, too. Thanks for sharing with me, it enheartens me.
Metaphorica

[Metaphorica]

[QUOTE=[/QUOTE]

just want to let you know metaphorica, i went for my 12 week scan last monday only to be told my baby had not been growing since around 8 weeks. i had the tablets you are talking about on wednesday, and i must say they are not as bad as i thought they would be. yes there was some cramping, but nothing i could not handle. and i took the pain killers.
i went back wednesday for another ultrasound but it had not all come away, there was a 2cm piece left (they said they like anything left to be less than 1cm), so i had to have more tablets, but i think they have worked this time.
have to go back again friday for another check up. it is just my opinion but i think the tablets were the best option for me, as i do not want surgery if it can be avoided. feel free to pm me if you have any questions at all. and please do not give up hope. it happened once it can happen again

Hi ScaryPinkFairy (another great name)
Thanks for your story, it really does help to hear of others in a similar situation. I passed the sac naturally the night of seeing the hospital, but I've still been bleeding alot, so went back for another US today. Like you, there's still retained product, so I have to have the D&C tommorrow morning anyway. I'm less afraid now that I know they are putting me up front the list. This afternoon I have had severe cramping and bleeding, so bad I felt faint and very scared, DP isn't here with me. Rang the hospital and they say it's nothing to worry about (meaning there's nothing wrong with me, it's my body trying to clean out the products) but suggested coming in if the pain is unbearable (which it was, an hour or two ago). This morning they also advised us to go for IFV, though DP isn't keen. I may look into it again. God knows where I'd get the money.

I hope you are feeling better and Friday's scan is clear. I can't believe the support and information I've gleaned here. All those who didn't say alot other than sorry--your words have been noticed, too. Thank you again, all. You are life-savers.
Metaphorica

[mrsmac]

I found after my first m/c I fell pg really quickly too, I had one cycle then was pg the next.
I hope everything goes well for you and I pray you will get your miracle bub.

[rottfren]

So so sorry for your loss. Such a terribly sad experience for you and your husband. I had a lot of fertility treatment to conceive my son 10 years ago, and despite further treatment, I didn't fall pregnant again until I was 44,then 46 and they were natural conceptions. I was devastated to lose the babies, the last pregancy was twins which I lost earlier this year. I know how you feel - such an unexpected miracle when you are in your 40's and then devastation at the loss of something so precious. Give yourself time to grieve your loss but please don't give up. I hope so much you will have a healthy baby in the near future.