Hi, I just needed somewhere to write my story as I feel that it will help the grieving process. I am sitting here indulging in chocolate as I write this! I found out that I was pregnant on the 3rd of March but I m/c on the 22nd March. I was out with some mates watching the Eagles game on telly and when I went to the loo there was some blood on the loo paper. (tmi, sorry ) I wasn't overly concerned as I hadn't had any cramping, but as it was our first I got hubby to take me to the hospital (where I work as a RN). They organised an emergency u/s as they were worried about ectopic pregnancy as when they examined me I was guarding on my right side. We went in and the sonographer told us very matter of factly that bub had died at 5w3d, but I was 6w4d pg by my dates. Anyway, it doesn't feel real, as I had no cramping at all, and I only bled for a couple of days. The only difference now is the not feeling sick all the time, and the emptiness of it all. I went to the Dr on thurs, and when I told him what had happened he went on to say that this was how he thought it was all going to end (WTF???!!!???) and that there wasn't really a baby there, it was just a bunch of cells. That was uncalled for, I think because I am an RN he thought I would understand all of this. But I am disgusted that an obstetritian could say that to a patient. He also didn't think that I needed time of work, though the ward I work on is right next door to maternity and I would be seeing pg women all the time and hearing newborns throughout the shift. I insisted that I needed time to work through my grief. He didn't seem to think it was real. As a result he won't ever be seeing me again as a patient. Anyway, half of me wants to get pg again straight away, the other half is saying to work through this and see what happens in time. I was so looking forward to being a mum. And I get ****ed of when I see women smoking and drinking during their pregnancies, but never have a problem, thinking that I was so careful, and I still lost our baby. I feel like a failure, my head understands that there was probably a problem with the baby, but my heart keeps saying what if???????

Sorry it's so long, talk later