here I am again

[MeredithD]

Can't truly believe I am back in here yet again. Deep down I am an optimist and I really didn't think we could have any more bad luck. Guess I was wrong!
2 m/cs prior to DS then lost twins in April. Reccurent m/c tests - nothing
Just fell pg with even more assistance ( seem to need more drugs every cycle (OI/IUI)).
Levels have been fabulous. Highest I have ever had. Friday at 5w2d had HCG of 53,300 and prog 170 so certainly no question of proper rising. Yet, yesterday after starting the day normally with m/s etc, I just suddenly started bleeding and cramping in the afternoon. No warning, just bang! Since then has progressed to what I assume is full blown m/c - bleeding profusely and cramping severely. I have never m/c naturally - always been diagnosed on a scan and required D&C so this is a real shock. I just don't understand how things could be looking so good and then just suddenly fail.
Can't get hold of my FS and my OB was not at all interested when I called him. He's a "let nature take its course" kinda guy. I really, really need some answers and wanted them today. I'm sure there will nothing left to see on a scan by tomorrow, so I'll never know how many were in there or possible cause
I am not sure I can face the whole grieving process yet again.This is so unbearably heartbreaking. All I want from life is another baby (or two) and yet it is the most unachievable goal I have ever faced.
What upests me almost equally is that no one really cares about 1st trimester losses. Even my DH has just told me that we will just have to "keep trying ". My family will just do the token " sorry", "what a shame" if they find out about this one but no one really cares for more than a fleeting moment. The impact on my life, however, is crushing. I know I will eventually move on from this but the joy of life just won't be there unless I can hold another baby in my arms. I have never really doubted that this would happen but am now seriously worried. I just don't understand!!!
Sorry about my ranting but I have nowhere else to turn and am totally beside myself today. This was supposed to be THE ONE!

[Lulu]

I'm really really sorry to hear you lost another little one .

[Janie]

Meredith, I'm really, really sorry to hear that

Given that you need answers today, do you think you would have any luck with your local A&E? I know it's a PITA to ahve to wait, but surely they could do a scan for you, particularly if you're having a lot of pain?

Lots of love and support, I really hope things turn out better than you anticipate

[BellyBelly]

Meredith, I am so sorry... you have had your fair share thats for sure.

I know your Ob and FS are no help to you - please find someone who is. I have been seeing Lisa Fettling alot lately and she is brilliant with grief, loss and depression. Please give her a go. She cares and always tells her clients her mobile is on 24x7 when they need her. She is VERY good and will fill that missing hole of a caring therapist that you have at the moment...

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/lisa-fettling

Come in and see her hon *huge hugs*

[briggsy's girl]

i was going to suggest the same as Janie - a trip to the local hospital might be in order. given that you were going great guns hormone level wise, and have had sudden and painful bleeding, i think it would be advisable to get checked (ectopic is always a risk with AC)

i want to offer you words of wisdom, but everything i can say at the moment isn't going to help you now. please just know that i understand how you're feeling, how much emotional pain you're in, and how truly devastating this is.

please take care of yourself - and if you can, take yourself to A&E to be checked out.

thinking of you

BG

[tiggerlinda]

Meridth I am so sorry to hear this news there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but give you a know I am here if you need me

[~Aveta~]

meredith, i can empathise totally. i've been agitating with our local hospital and the minister for health for the very reason that no-one seems to care about early losses. i've come up against that wall twice this year and i'm still angry.

please look after yourself, i'm thinking of you and i'm sure all the girls in the older women TTC thread are as well.

[Turkish Delight]

Meredith.

I share your pain.

I agree with all the other girls, a trip to the local hossie will surely help put your mind at rest given all the bleeding, pain and suffering you are going through. Request a scan and be firm about it.

You are right about ppl not caring about a 1st trimester loss. They don't know how sad you are about the loss once finding out that you are pregnant and you're over the moon. Stay strong and try and be positive

We are all here for you.

[Leyza]

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and that this may be happening again for you. I agree with the other suggestions of going to your local hospital. Surely they would scan for you? My hospital has an early pregnancy clinic and I went there initially when I was spotting and they did a scan for me. That's when we found out we were having twins. Then when I went to emergency that evening with bleeding and pain, they scanned me at midnight to check the situation. Which I thought was really good, as they could have just waited until the morning I suppose. I hope things work out for you, I'll be thinking of you

[Olive]

meredith so sorry to hear this today, i hope all is not lost just yet and with high levels, i guess just wait and see tomorrow hun, i cant imagine what it like, i have a heavy heart reading this

[MistyFying]

Meredith I'm so sorry...

[MrsB26]

Meredith, i am so sorry that you have lost another little angel

[nicjay]

Oh Meredith, I am so very sorry to be reading this I hope that you have managed to get some help from someone today, and that maybe everything is alright

I know all too well what you mean about 1st tri miscarriages I still have family members that have not even acknowledged my m/c last October to me. It's just like there never was a baby to them. They just have absolutely no idea

Take care of yourself, and keep telling yourself you WILL hold another baby in your arms - that's what I have to keep doing

[Angel Babies 3]

Meredith,
I am so sad to read this post.

Take care lovely lady.

Debbie

[Nicole S]

Meredith, your heart must be broken.
I'm sorry sorry to hear about your loss...

[krysalyss]

Meredith. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you get the answers and support that you need.

[Kitt3n]

I am so sorry to see you back in here for this reason hun.

[satya]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you are OK. I wish the medical profession showed more care about early losses, but for the most part they don't. The "let nature take it's course" lecture didn't go down well with me when my FS said it to me around 10 years ago. It upset me so much I never even went back to him.

I think the problem is that OB's & FS's see miscarriage every day therefore it's commonplace to them, perhaps they've never experienced it themselves from a personal point of view. Many of them just don't seem to realise that even though it was an early loss the parents of this bub had already started to imagine the baby and had started to make plans for it's future. No matter how early the loss is the grief can be huge, even more so if it's taken a while to get there. I wish it was different but it's not.