not sure how to cope...

[bellelass]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It is so important to grieve, and to talk about it for as long as you need to. It helps you to be able to keep going.
I spent some time with my 85 year old grandmother last year, while I was trying to endure a hard time myself. She told me about her angel children, she had three mcs. She said that she still knows their names, still thinks of them every day, still remembers the days that would have been their birthdays. She said they never ever left her, but after a time she could think of them without pain, just love.
Kahlil Gibran has some true, beautiful words on Joy and Sorrow, I can't read them without welling up:

"...The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the
potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was
hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it
is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see
that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight..."

[rizo945]

bellelass, those are very beautiful words and so very true. thank you very much for sharing them. i am "healing" much quicker than i expected myself to, mostly credited to you wonderful and supportive women. i guess sometimes we don't realize how strong we really can be. i still look at the u/s picture everyday, but my tears are slowly turning into smiles. i also talked it over with my :doctor: and he helped a lot. He has been very supportive and understanding with me bothering him with emails and questions every other day. wedding plans are consuming much of my time right now and helping me to feel hopeful. unfortunately, jelly bean was not able to enjoy this beautiful world for long, but my fiance and i are stronger, closer, and understand each other even more because jelly bean was in our lives. i believe when we ttc again, we will be "extra" appreciative and treasure every moment. now the hard part is waiting until we can ttc again. until then, i will try to get into a regular exercise routine and hopefully it will stick!

[Canary]

Hi Kelly,

[QUOTE=rizo945;1102099]... "I'm just emotionally empty. I feel like I've lost my direction. I was pregnant and I someone to care for and a reason to take care of myself.
... I can't focus on anything right now. I'm still so numb."

I so know where you are coming from, sitting here with tears plopping off my chin and onto the laptop! Glad that you have found BB and all of these wonderful ladies to turn to. :hugs:
Taka care