In November of last year I became pregnant for the first time. A week before I was able to take a HPT, I already knew I was pregnant. When we got the first positive (very light), we tried not to get too excited. A couple days later I took another test and it was positive again. I couldn't believe it. When I went in for my first u/s, I saw my little baby, jelly bean, at 6w4d, a little hb and all. Everything seemed great, blood tests all came back perfect (except I'm rh neg). One night after intercourse, I spotted a little. Doctor said it was fine and normal. Then a couple days later I spotted brown, which was "old blood from the first spotting". Then a week later I had pink spotting and I decided I had to go in no matter what they said. I was so nervous. I couldn't stop shaking and I was crying off and on while waiting 40 minutes for the doctor to come in. He said there was some blood at my cervix, but didn't seem worried. When I saw the ultrasound screen, it felt great to see my baby bigger. Then I noticed there wasn't a hb. I asked him, "aren't you supposed to see a heartbeat?". He said yes. I turned my head, covered my face, and broke down. He continued to try to find a hb for another 5 minutes. He then told me the baby was only at 7w5d when it should've been closer to 9w. I tried so hard not to cry and ask as many questions as I could, but the hurt was so severe. Telling my fiance was the hardest conversation. I wanted to be strong for him, but saying the words sent me into a complete breakdown. He came home and we cried together. I opted for medication to "assist" my body pass the miscarriage, which was the most painful 6 hours I've had to deal with. I'm still not sure if it was from the miscarriage or the medication. I still have light cramping and bleeding and I'm just emotionally empty. I feel like I've lost my direction. I was pregnant and I someone to care for and a reason to take care of myself. My fiance and I are dealing with it different as well, and it's hard not to feel alone. At first I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, but now that I do, I don't know how to bring it up. I know other people feel uncomfortable talking about it as well. I'm also nervous talking about it because I've been offended by some people's responses, "at least you didn't have time to get attached", "everything happens for a reason", "you're still young", and it just makes me more upset. I have a wedding to plan, but I can't focus on anything right now. I'm still so numb. I know my baby's still with me, but in my heart instead of my belly. :angel2: I'm sorry for being so long and I'm sure most of this rambling probably doesn't make much sense, but I need a place to relieve some of this grief. I find the only relief I have is when I'm online reading about miscarriage so I don't feel so alone. It's also helping me come to terms with some of my emotions. I just hate this feeling and wish my baby was still growing healthy with me.