My beautiful friend - I hate, hate, HATE that this has happened again. I hate that you were all alone in that room and wish more than anything I could have been there with you. I wish I knew you'd be alone. I hate that you were alone
Im sorry that your Dr in Sydney couldn't do your D&C. I understand why you were upset by that. He is the most compassionate man and would have had your best interests at heart I'm sure
We are here for you in any way we can be. Thinking of you constantly
Last edited by Willow; March 29th, 2010 at 05:44 PM.
Mako - I am simply hearbroken for you and DH. I have no words which will salve your pain. Know that you are loved and supported in here. I am glad your d&c went wel and that in the midst of your heartache that someone reached out to you to let you know they were there for you, with just a simple touch of their hand and their willingness to sit with you. You are more special than you will ever know. My sweet blossom, give yourself time to heal and grieve your 5th little angel. Go gently.
Mako I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. I thought I was all out of tears after what I have been through but I am wrong, the tears started to flow again while reading your story.
Hugs.
Thanks to each and every one of you for your messages. i have read them all and you are all so lovely.
I'm not doing too bad. Well actaully that isn't true. I'm not so great but I'm more angry than anything still I'm angry that this has happened again and I'm so so angry at some people IRL's comments or lack of. I mean how hard is it to ask how we are doing because even though we aren't doing so well we will always say "I'm ok thanks for asking" or whatever. I know people react to these situations differently to others but anyway it still annoys me.
I'd seriously be so so lost more so if I didn't have everyone here at BB to open up to about what has been happening so once again "Thank you" to everyone for all your support.
Mako sweetie - of course you're not doing ok, but you're putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the best way you know how. That's all you can expect. It's ok to be angry you know?
As a general rule, our culture/society, doesn't "do anger" very well, we don't give it its due and we are scared of it. I know I am, anger is the emotion that I am least comfortable with and my own anger scares me. I don't know what to do with it. But being angry, honestly its ok. It doesn't make you a bad person ( which is what I think of myself when I am angry). Anger is one of the many emotions we have, and it has its uses. I say sit with it a while. If it doesn't start to change or it scares you a little too much, then seek some counselling, but for the moment, try to share some space with it, I am am sure you'll win out in the end, but your anger has an important message and job to do at the moment.
How's your appetite going? For some reason for me comfort food in grief is peaches and icecream. Do you have some?
I wish I could wave a magic wand and help ease your anger and hurt. People can just be so insensitive huh? I bet sometimes even me ( That was a poor attempt at humour).
I have only just seen this post. Im with Dory, How are you hun? I get the anger part. I was so happy with myself a few weeks back as i was dealing with everything so well.........Well then the anger hit LOL!
Hi Girls.
Thanks for asking how I'm going. I'm not too bad. DH and I are having a few issues now as he wants us to stop ttc forever and I just want another earth baby. I'm seeing my Ob/Gyn on the 10th May and will see what she has to say.
I guess if there is absolutely nothing else we can do to help a little bubba stick around long enough to be born well then that'll be it but I have a feeling she will suggest some other medication and I'll be willing to give that a go.
I get where DH is coming from as he doesn't want us to lose another bub and he doesn't want to see me hurting anymore but I just feel like I'm being ripped off and punished for things not working out as they should
As for the anger and other feelings I have I need to over come that and I really need to try and make some time for myself and get out and sit on the beach for a bit and have a good cry or scream or something. I know some people suggest speaking to a professional but honestly that isn't my thing. I've seen these types of people in the past for various other reasons and they didn't really help all that much.
Anyway thanks again for asking about me
Been thinking about you Mako
Hope you and your DH can work things out. Perhaps if you come home from the OB/Gyn with a new 'plan' he'll be willing to hear you out. I'm sooo hoping you can have another earth baby
Mako - good to hear from you. Can you get DH to agree to listen, genuinely listen to the Obstetrician and then you can both talk about it? At least that way, there is an informed decision being made, rather than one made from fear and hurt.
I understand where you are both coming from, but hopefully there is a way through that you can both accept. Differences of opinion about TCC are potentially, another loss, for each of you, and in some ways, are more scary than the angel losses. I managed to get my DH to agree to tcc after our most recent loss, but not sure if he will agree to more tcc if there is another loss, pretty much for the same reasons your DH says.
Make time for yourself to express your feelings. It's important.
I had a a few hit and misses with counsellors until I found one who is just pure gold. I had never been to one before and was very skeptical, but my pure gold counsellor, showed me, it can work.
Do whatever you feel you need to do to get through, but do take action if you start to get worried about yourself. Go gently.
Marcellus I hope we can do that one day too and same for you
Dory Thanks for your kind and caring words
I'll be going solo yet again to my appointment. That seems to be the story of my life atm. DH works for his father and it is so damn hard for him to get time off so we can attend these important appointments as a couple. FIL and MIL are from a very different generation and back in "their" time MIL also had to go alone even as far as giving birth to her 2 sons as FIL was at work
So I guess what I'm trying to say is I can only hope DH will listen to what I have to say when he gets home after I've been to my Ob.
Mako - that is hard. It's a pity that the IL's don't even try to understand a little more about how hard your journey is and how tough it can be to have to confront those appointments alone. I know they are from a different generation, but people can cut some slack even if they don't really understand why or would do things differently themselves. But then if they are like my Aunt, buckley's chance of getting some slack! Poor DH - on top of his parents being his bosses he also has the whole parent/child dynamic going on.
All I can say is it's tough for you both but he had BETTER listen....
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I'm angry that this has happened again and I'm so so angry at some people IRL's comments or lack of. I mean how hard is it to ask how we are doing because even though we aren't doing so well we will always say "I'm ok thanks for asking" or whatever. I know people react to these situations differently to others but anyway it still annoys me.
( That was a poor attempt at humour).
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