i am new here but have been searching the net for somewhere that had people who understood where i am at. Which is a horrible thing in itself as i hate to think anyne is going through or has what i am...
Last night at 8.25pm i gave birth to a beautiful baby (sex unknown at this stage until we find out via pathology tuesday) aged 17 weeks 5 days. I have been told our baby stopped developing at approx 12 weeks but managed to hang on anyway until a few days ago as we heard hearbeats etc after this 12 week point. It is my third pregnancy adn i am devastated, confused and am wondering the age old why why why?????????????????? how and why does this happen? i don't know how nature can be so wonderful yet so cruel all at once. It took 10 hours to deliver our baby which was heartbreaking in itself, the waiting was terrible but my other choice given which was the d+c i could not face doing. (although i ended up in theatre as i had to get the placenta removed)My other 2 kids have been our strength, crazy who you find it in. My 5 year old asked why our baby had died when he saw it moving on the tv (he came to our 12 week ultrasound)and said that we just had to grow another one. He asked if the baby got enough food and that is why it stopped growing. My 3 year old who we thought would not undrstand immediately reached out to touch our baby and wnated to hold it. She says the baby is in the sky sleeping although we are not sure where she has got this from as none of us have said anything like that. So now we wait until tuesday to take our tiny baby to be cremated.
I am still in denial, there are times I have to remind myself that i am not pregnant anymore which is ridiculous as I know what i went through to find out i was'nt!The worst part i think is just that, your mind plays tricks on you and your body is doing all the things it does after my other 2 births. (bleeding/milk)

Just my little vent and sorry it turned into a essay and a half!