I just wanted to thankyou for your replies and words of support. You know its ridiculous because I feel like an intruder here as if what I'm writing is about some one else and not me because its just something I never at all thought could happen and at times still struggle to believe has really happened. We named our DS Charlie Edward. We are doing ok ... most of the time. In the last four weeks I have returned to work, my DD turned 3, my sister had a baby girl (her third), last week we finally had the placement of Charlie's ashes at the cemetery (it took 12 weeks to get the granite/plaque), I had my birthday (turned 31) and fathers day and we went back to the Ob yesterday which was the first time we had spoken to him since two weeks after his birth. I was so anxious and stressed about all of these things and they were all such emotional days and now that we have gotten past them I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. When his ashes were placed we had a little ceremony and we read a poem about loving and missing him always but having to move forward and Millie (my DD) released some balloons and since then I have felt more positive about the future (again most of the time anyway). Its been really hard trying to explain it all to our DD also when we really don't understand our selves. I often think she sort of gets it and then she will come out with something like "when charlie comes home can we ...."

Megsmum - thank you for that information. I have really struggled to understand how I could have become sensitised also but our Ob said that even if you have the anti-D injections there is still a 0.02% (I think that is what he said) chance of developing the antibodies and something about how much blood crosses as the injection only covers you up to a certain level????. As soon as I delivered Charlie I had a heap of blood tests and they came back and said that I had the anitbodies and I wasn't given an anti D injection after his birth which I guess was because I already had the antibodies (I did have one after my DD's birth though). The Ob said that one of the reasons they know that Charlie had only just died was because my anti-D levels were really low which means my body had only just started to recognise the foreign blood??? I haven't had a blood test since the day I delivered. I had never heard about your comment re the anti D in my blood being 'real' etc which was really interesting. He basically just said yesterday to come in as soon as we find out that we are preg and have the blood screens done then as the levels can change over time but they will never disappear.