Recurrent Miscarriage Dilemma!

[dory]

Mrs Dex - I was getting so worried that you were MIA..... it was such a relief to hear from you. Sorry that the process was yukky, but good news on your scan. You must be so happy! When is your next one? Look at you 8 weeks. You must be so amazed.....

I will be 14 weeks on the day I have the cerclage - 25th March. It's weird, I am in kind of a no mans land at the moment. I feel a sense of achivement for finally reaching 12 weeks. I didn't think I would feel that way, but it seems, it has given me some reassurance, but then again so has seeing the little chicken on ultrasound.

But now, now I really feel like I am waiting to get to 24 weeks. In my particular circumstances, in the past, the period from 14 - 22 weeks is crucial. Any time before 24 weeks just leads to heartache.

For me, I am just now waiting on getting to the magical 24 weeks where the little chicken has some chance of survival if born extremely premature. And after 24 weeks, each day gestating is a bonus and the odds increase really rapidly after that.

I just had brown rice and salmon. I was starving. At least I am not hungry anymore, but I do wonder about why I found that combination so appealing today?

I have been have some unusual dreams lately. It might be an indicator that I am more anxious than I realise. In one of my dreams Amelia was alive and I was bathing her, but I was still pregnant in this pregnancy with the little chicken. In another dream I had to take my horse to the hospital ( the hospital nearest me with the neonatal intensive care unit) for some pathology and I took the horse up in the lift and met my best friend from school. I don't own a horse!

In another dream which appears to repeat itself, I am bathing my baby and for some reason leave the baby unattended in the bath to go and do something, and then remember and run back to the baby, to find that all is ok. Its funny though as the dream repeats itself, when I remember I have left the baby before, from the other dreams, and wonder why I keep doing it......

I seem to have found some zen and calm too. I thought I would be calling the Ob and seeking scans all the time, but I haven't, yet. Perhaps that time for me is fast approaching? Actually I find myself just not really expressing to anyone my fears and concerns. I suppose because I think they are normal and I can deal with them. It is weird though.

Telephone banking sends me loopy too! God to see you back here.

Jenna - thinking of you