Dexy - how did your appointment go? 15 weeks is awesome.

Good idea to slow down at work. Not that I feel guilty about my work loads previosly, but in contrast to my experience now, I would have felt like I wasn't always running on empty if I had slowed down a little. Like you said, only money. Work will always be there.

Gem - I do honestly beleive it was Jayden giving you a kiss. I am not particularly spiritual but there are just some moments in life that are to special, and for you that was one. What a beautiful experience to have.

I was having a really tough time after Sophie died and one night I had a dream that I was breast feeding her. It was such a beautiful dream, and when I woke, for a while I didn't realise it was a dream, but then when I did, I was so touched with its beauty, rather than the sadness of the reality. The beauty of that dream helped me so much. I hope your Jayden's buterfly kiss helps you too.

AFM - very exciting developments here. On Monday night Dh felt the baby kick, not just move, for the first time in any of our pregnancies. It was just the most awesome moment. I had been waiting with a lot of anticipation of DH being able to experience it but didn't expect it until a bit later, let alone just before 20 weeks. His face was jus priceless - joy, wonder and completely awestruck. He didn't know whether to jump for joy and keep his hand on my belly for more. it was truly a magical moment. A really good lead up to the scan the next day.

Scan went really well. I was more anxious than I realised ( wondered if I had the squirts again, but the urge passed aftger we saw the baby in the scan....so anxeity it was). It was awesome. No bad news, all good. Baby was very active so the scan went for longer which meant more time to look at bubs. There was a big ole yawn, hands up to the face, kicking, turning, squirming and even a "kung fu panda" karate chop move. No waving, well not that we saw. It was so exciting for me to actually feel the baby moving and seeing the movements on the scan. The sonographer was really good too, she had had a loss at 19 weeks, so we were able to talk about it both of our experiences, which most sonographers don't want to do.

Baby has been moving fairly consistently since Monday, in more definite and discernable movements rather than just the flutters.

My mum has been visiting for a few days and hence my abscence from BB. It was so nice to have her visit, but I was so tired last night I was asleep by 8.30pm. Unheard of for me! I did wake at 11.30pm though and spent a few hours awake ( knitting - my mum taught me) but the sleep I had for the first few hours was just so deep and refreshing. I feel so much better today.

I am loving the cooler weather - cats are way more snuggly - and it is so much nicer to snuggle with DH under the blankets and make DH late for work by pleading "just one more minute...". Although the little heater inside means I hardly feel the cold and hardly need any blankets.

Anyway, I could go on for ages. It is so nice to feel some hope, just genuine hope and happiness rather than the stuff I force on myself to get through. I don't want to let these feelings go.