Hello Kah and welcome to BB. I am sorry to read that you have lost a little baby

I thought i would share some of my thoughts and experiences as although slightly different (as every person's experiences are) there are some similarities. 8 years ago (iwas 19) I lost a little baby when i was 8-9 weeks pregnant. I didnt know i was pg, i was busy at uni, on the pill and in a new relationship and had endometriosis, it was the last thing on my mind, so when i started bleeding and it didnt stop i was sent to a OB for a scan, and sure enough there was the baby. it had passed about a week earlier. it was gutting. i felt guilt at not knowing, of having been on the pill, and finally for losing that baby. i remember clearly that my mum was shocked, but never offered any support, in fact i suspect she felt only relief (?). and from her reaction i decided to keep it quiet. only her and my partner knew. i kept it quiet from everyone and never felt that it was a 'legitimate' pregnancy ITMS. my partner and i hadnt been trying, the baby was lost early and no one really seemed to count that baby as existing. but it ate me up in inside and did so for many many years. especially when my DP and i began trying for another baby a few years later. i guess when we started thinking about TTC it brought up all the memories and the what ifs.

Maybe in your case, you are now feeling strong enough in your own self (loving relationship, dreams of the future etc) to actually allow yourself to grieve properly? i know that this was kinda how it was for me...i guess this is what people can mean when they say that grief takes time?! All i can recommend is to be gentle on yourself, love that baby you lost (and if you need to - like i did - make/buy a momento, something to always remember them by?).

each path is different for everyone, but i thought to write to say that you are not alone and that is ok to grieve, even 7 years later. man, i still think about that baby and wonder what he/she would of been...