Have you talked about it with your mother since? I know that I don't think I'd ever be able to bring it up, although somehow I want to bring it into the open and have her acknowledge my loss. You absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said you never felt it was a 'legitimate' pregnancy - that's exactly how I've been feeling for so very long, I've just never know how to say it...I've thought that because so very few people knew about it, and because the only contact with the baby I ever had was that second line on the at-home kit, and a lot of blood when I went to see the doctor, I too had been caught up in the 'non-legitimate' thoughts...even though now I can feel able to face it head on.

Do you have children now? Do you still feel sorrow for the baby, or have you found that you've been able to move forward a little?
TBH i have never really spoken to my mum about how i felt about the loss. we spoke about the loss in the years that followed because when we did start TTC i found out that the management of that loss wasnt the best with the OB and caused some complications, so made the TTC journey a bit harder. i just dont *think* my mum totally gets miscarriage if you know what i mean. and i guess now that i have worked through it myself and found some wonderful women in my life that have shared similar journeys i have found that outlet to talk and reminsce and wonder about what might of been. And i honestly believe that my little angel baby has been the inspiration and the catalyst for the love that i feel with my now almost 3 year old DD.

...so to answer your kid question, yep! we were blessed almost 3 years ago with a bubba girl. TBH falling pg with her raised alot of emotions in me that i didnt know i had still left for the angel baby. i had a massive distrust in my body to nuture a baby in my womb and spent alot of that pregnancy in fear. and this translated afterwards and made the first few months pretty tough as i was dealing with feelings of 'legitimacy' as a mum...ahhh the mind likes to be cruel at times! funnily enough, even though i was in a loving relationship and this child was planned ALOT of the old feelings from the loss came up and was thrown back into the feelings that surrounded that time. (for example, if people asked me how pg i was i would say: 'oh, ONLY 20 weeks' etc etc. instead now i claim my current pg loud and proudly!).

I think that what Dory recommended with counselling or at the very least an good navel gaze and processing of your thoughts will really help in you and your partner's journey to mummy-dom with a forever baby. especially if and when you guys do fall pregnant, i can't rate highly enough the importance of being gentle on yourself and recognising that there might be some unresolved emotions coming into play.

big massive babe. you are definitely a million steps ahead of me when i was in your position...i perfected the art of 'ostrich' avoidance so well for such a long time... xx