I was seventeen when I fell pregnant to my boyfriend. At the time I was madly, deeply in love with him and was convinced that we would spend the rest of our lives together. So I was actually really pleased when I found out that I was pregnant! I lost the baby at twelve weeks and my boyfriend blamed me for this, as I had fairly severe PCOS (and still do).

I moved on from the boy, straight into a relationship with a wonderful girl who I'm still with today (I'm now 23)...but I just can't move on from the loss of the baby. I had thought I had dealt with my grief, but lately I've been just hurting so much! Tbh, I never really 'dealt' with my grief - my mother refused to believe that I was ever pregnant, and I know that it was never my 'fault' for the m/c. But I think I just ignored the pain and loss for all of these years, just pretended it wasn't there. Now it seems to have come to the forefront of my emotions, and I don't know how to deal with it, I don't know how to even express my feelings. I find it so incredibly difficult to actually say the words 'I had a miscarriage', or 'I lost a baby' out loud...my girlfriend gets a little frustrated with me because she wants to help so badly but I just don't know what to say.

I don't know how to deal with this very old, but still very painful wound.