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Thread: Sharing my story of loss......

  1. #1

    Default Sharing my story of loss......

    At 19 I had my first miscarriage. 14 weeks in, my bby was found to have trisomy 18, and it was too severe for her (I believe she was a girl) for her to cope. She left me the morning before the amnio to confirm the trisomy. I was grateful to know the amnio could not hurt her as only her body remained. I had a D & C and tried to get on with life. I wrote her letters, which I still occasionally read.

    Just as I turned 25 I discovered once again, I was going to miscarry. 6 weeks in, they discovered my baby was ectopic. On the morning the surgery was scheduled, he (a boy this time I thought) left me so once again, the surgery only removed a body. Again, small consolation in a miscarriage, I had not had to do anything to hurt the baby while it's soul still survived.



    At 27, I gave birth to my hero, at 42 weeks my gorgeous dd came to meet me and is now a thriving nearly 3 year old.

    And then at 29, I found out I was pregnant, just days before I found out I would not be pregnant much longer. It was only 3 weeks in when that baby left me, so there was no surgery required, nor was there any real signs, no reason, but I guess that was classed as a chemical pregnancy, everything happened to make a baby but the baby just did not stick. It was no less upsetting than the other two, just because it was so early did not ease the pain.

    I fell pregnant straight after. And up until this weekend, apart from being tense from my past experiences, and spotting at 6 weeks, everything seemed fine. An ultrasound after the spotting showed a beautiful heartbeat and a 7 week old developing baby. And then on Saturday, 11 weeks exactly, I started bleeding. Not spotting, full on bleeding. I went to the hospital. Eventually I got seen. They did a scan, my baby measured 8 weeks, 3 days, and had no heartbeat. Eventually I got to see the doctor again. I wanted to know if I could have the drugs (surgery not really appealing after 2 previous). She said I didn't need either, because my body had finally realised what happened, it would take care of it. I had to go home and wait for nature to take it's course, but to go back if the bleeding was so bad I had to change my pad every HALF hour (this was stressed) or if the pain was too unbearable (I could have panadol, panadeine, panadol forte - though they didn't give me a prscription for the latter). I asked about testing what came out, she said that would be fine, and just bring it back. I then had to ask what to collect it in (she had my medical history - clearly I hadn't done this before!). I came home and a few hours later I felt something "fall out" of me. For half an hour I "dropped" massive clots, which I tried to collect. There was blood all over the bathroom. We drove in to drop of the collections, and I explained to the doctor over the phone before I drove in that I could not emotionally handle collecting anymore. When I got there she told me that she thought what I had collected was rubbish, she said she'd have a look in another room and probably throw it all out. I told her about the bleeding and the fact that I had had another heavy bleed while waiting to see her (a full hour after the last) and she repeated changing the pad every half hour and I should come back (clearly finding a pad completely useless FOR half an hour wasn't hospital worthy). The next 20 hours had me going through the same situation every hour, running out of underwear and trousers as everything kept getting covered in blood (I slept on a folded up blanket and towel and only just saved the sheets. Then it eased off, while the pain started. I took some panadol and laid on my bed in a ball screaming every so often (eventually realising I was having labour pains). I made it to the toilet in time to push a massive bloody mass (I am sure contained the baby somehow) which I couldn't quite completely push out. I grabbed some toilet paper and had to pull it out - it didn't take much. Horrified by what was happening I dropped it, and gravity and physics meant it straight away left the bowl so I never really saw it. My toilet was covered in blood. I was covered in blood. Most of my bathroom and clothes were covered in blood. I am horrified by the whole experience.

    I don't believe the hospital should have made me go through this at home, I don't know how much blood was lost, but it seemed like far too much. I had no one to check if I was physically ok. There was no way in the world I was mentally ok and I feel it will be some time before I am. I never knew this is what happens when it is left to nature. No one had ever told me about this. I hope someone who reads this finds it useful, because maybe if the doctor had told me what to expect I would not have been so horrified by it all, not feel like I was in some very bad horror movie. Can anyone tell me if this has happened to them, or if there was somewhere I could have got an inkling of what was to come?

  2. #2

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    im so so so sorry for that terrible time, i lost a baby when i was about 8 weeks along and the pain was terrible, i can remember that, i felt sick from it. it was a long tome ago now and i try to push the whole ordeal out of my head so im sorry i cant add anything else. just wanted you to know that i really sympathise for you.....

  3. #3

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    OMgosh....I havn't ever been in your shoes but just want you to know I read your story and want to give you a

    Hope someone reads your story and can give you some advice!!!
    xoxo

  4. #4

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    I am so sorry for your loss and the treatment you received, no one should have to go through a m/c let alone the way you did.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Please take care of yourself
    xxx

  5. #5

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    I read this last night and I was awake until 4.30am thinking about you. I can't believe we live in a day and age where you could receive this treatment - to say I'm beyond horrified would be a huge understatement. If I could, I would march into that hospital myself on your behalf and seriously kick some major butt.

    My thoughts, hugs and prayers, and whatever positive vibes I have in my body, are all dedicated to you right now.

    Please know you have a huge group here that are ready and willing to provide whatever support you need, whenever you need it.

    Shari xoxo

  6. #6

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    Sweetheart, I am so very sorry that you had to go through this. Miscarriage is devastating enough in itself, but when you care providers don't offer you the level of support they should they make the situation even worse.

    I had a similar experience to you with my first m/c. I also had a missed m/c at around the same gestation. Firstly I was seen by a very unsympathetic GP (not my usual GP, just whoever was available on the day I had my scan and found out about the mmc), they then told me to go straight to emergency. After waiting for 5 hours in emergency (and finally being told that the Dr should ph them first and check how busy they are before sending me in, as it was not an emergency anyway), I finally saw someone. Given the options of either waiting (and I had experienced no bleeding at all, so nature was not taking its course yet), having a D & C which I didn't want, or the final option was taking drugs that induce labour so that it will take care of itself.

    I took the final option and after administering the drugs, I was sent home with some panadeine forte. I can relate to your pain - it is HORRENDOUS. I was given a small container with a plastic bag and a glove and told to collect as much as I could, keep it in the fridge and then bring it back for testing. I remember the next few hours vividly - the pain, the blood and clots, vomiting from the pain, being curled up on the bed unable to move (and this was WITH pan forte, so I can only imagine how much worse it would have been for you). The nurses did tell me it would be very painful and to take the pan forte straight away, which I am glad I did, so at least I had some idea of what was coming. I don't know if they prepare you enough for what to expect though. It is something I never want to go through again.

    The hosp did tell me to come back a couple of days later to check that all had taken care of itself. Unfortunately it hadn't and I then had to go through it all again. It was ten days before the 'last' and worst of it left me when I had just returned to work. They also told me to come back if I had filled a pad in an hour, which was hard to tell when you are spending a lot of the time on the toilet because there is just so much blood.

    Did they offer you any counselling or telephone numbers you can call if you need to talk? I found this very helpful when I fell into a heap about a week later.

    I think unfortunately, this is just the way they handle m/c. If you don't want surgery, then I guess this is the only option. I think you should have been given a much better idea of what to expect and been offered counselling. Did they even ask you to come back in at some stage for a check up? I feel so very bad that this has happened to you. With time it does get easier, but you never forget going through an experience like that. I am always here if you need anyone to talk to.



    Bun xx

  7. #7

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    Thank you all for reading this and your kind words. I feel having shared my story has helped me immensely, I am not a private person by nature and I really needed an outlet for these horrible events.


    Bun, I was not given anything to collect it with, I didn't even think of gloves, I am really upset the hospital didn't provide me with anything. I had to use zip lock bags I had at home. They did not ask me to come back unless the pad issue presented - Ikwym - how can you judge a pad when you can't get off the toilet? I took myself to a gp Mon night, first available, and he was useless. Told me from what I'd said it was over, felt my tummy, told me I was really fertile right then if I wanted to try again (I refrained from slapping him, just - after the horror story I had just told him he thought I'd be trying to conceive that night?????) and if I developed a fever to go back and they may get me an ultrasound to see if anything remains. Absolutely no preventative medicine there, wait till I get an infection and then maybe do something about it. My normal GP is back from a fortnights leave next week, I am hanging out to see him because he likes to try to help the mental healing by offering support. He is the only doctor I can trust anymore.

  8. #8

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    Oh, chick, no wonder you are angry I would be surprised if you weren't, after reading your story!
    When you have the energy, I would like to see you write a letter of complaint to the hospital, and CC the letter to the Minister for Health (Nicola Roxon) and the state minister for health, too. It's a situation that has happened before and only recently are women starting to arc up about it and ask for proper treatment, where they don't a) get sent home to deal with it alone (or in a waiting room toilet cubicle) or b) get sent to the maternity ward surrounded by babies and birthing women. It's just dispicable - the big hospital bosses wouldn't be so happy to let these things slide if it had ever happened to them...
    You're not alone here, unfortunately, though it means you can share your feelings with people who have had their own trauma and sadness

  9. #9

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    I'm really sorry for your loss, and for the horrible way you experienced it.
    I am glad that you have found getting it out there to be somewhat therapeutic, but I would also suggest you talk to someone about it. I am glad your regular GP is supportive, and I hope that they look after you in the coming weeks.
    Take care of yourself, mate.

  10. #10

    Default Same experience

    Hi there.

    When I lost my baby, I opted for the medication instead of the D & C. I regret that decision. I was bleeding for 6 weeks non-stop, in the beginning huge clots came out, for two weeks I couldn't leave the house due to the sudden thrushes of blood that would run down my legs. It was worse than I could have imagined and my doctor also never told me what I had to expect. I feel your pain and wish you all the best for the future!

  11. #11

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    Oh hun, I'm so deeply sorry for your losses and for the utterly horrendous treatment you have received. It is inhumane and I'm at a loss to understand why this is allowed to go on. I know this would scar me for life. When I miscarried my little boy at 20 weeks I was already in hospital for 3 days and they desperately tried to stop my contractions. I knew what to expect in the end as my midwife and OB were so informative and supportive. I so wish you could have been given the same treatment.
    Big hugs hun and thank you for sharing your story. May you never ever experience such loss or such treatment again.
    Beata xxx

  12. #12

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    I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies You should have been better prepared for the options you were given and their physical outcomes. Although nothing ever prepares you for the loss of a pregnancy or child

    For clarification - the options usually given are natural miscarriage or D&C. I have no experience with the medication induction. D&C is the surgical option - minimal bleeding, generally complete after the surgery but an operation with risks including perforation of the uterus. The *natural* option is allowing the body to manage the loss of the baby without medical assistance.

    Unfortunately this requires the expulsion of the pregnancy with bleeding and pain - the intensity and volume vary between women. The usual advice is pain relief and monitor the bleeding. Some women have heavy bleeding like the first days of a menstrual cycle (again, depending on your *normal*) and strong period pain. Other women bleed volumes and have significant pain and they should return to the local hospital for management. If you can't get off the toilet to check the blood loss, that is a good sign you should go back. I needed large doses of morphine to manage the pain of my miscarriage due to a very irritable uterus. I would not have managed at home and labour was nothing compared to that pain.

    The time it takes for a natural miscarriage to occur is the reason why it cannot occur in a hospital. It can take up to a week or two for the hormone levels (BHCG) to drop significantly enough for the body to take over and the physical loss of the pregnancy to occur. A repeat ultrasound is usually required to ensure the body has effectively cleared the uterus. Infection can occur if the miscarriage isn't *complete* but antibiotics are not usually given unless there are signs of infection like fever or odourous / coloured (green) discharge.

    If you are in NSW the new miscarriage guidelines means most larger hospitals have support services available to you such as a social worker.

    Unfortunately many of us have experienced miscarriage and loss in various forms. We are here to support you if and when you need it

  13. #13

    Smile Thanx for your support!

    Dear friends

    Thank you for your replies, you have clarrified alot for me and it helps to know that there are people who care and are willing to give support. Life has been hard for me and I truely appreciate having someone to share my feelings with. Wish you all of the best!

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