I found out that I lost my baby last week on Thursday I havent even been able to say it out loud yet. It passed naturally on Tuesday night but I didnt find out until Thursday as the doctor had me on bed rest as I had a blood clot associated with the pregnancy.
This is my third loss, the first one was a blighted ovum, the second an eptopic.
This was not only the hardest because it was the third but also because this was the first time we had seen the baby and it had finally found its home.
The doctor has now reccomended that we get some tests done that may or may not give us some answers this time.
I just seem to be a mess at the moment I went back to work straight away which helped but I am just so angry.
I am trying to pretend to everyone that I am ok but I really am not coping well and I dont know what to do.
I have alot of friends with babies and I can relate to some other posts with it being really hard to be around them.
Anyway thanks for listening and it really has helped me to even talk about it on here.
Firstly Donna
Welcome to BB sadly im sure you will find many women on here with similar stories and I hope soon you will have a very sticky baby
im so sorry for your loss i know nothing i say will help but just offering some
Thanks so much Lauren for welcoming me to BB although I have a very supportive husband and family I think that talking to people who understand is really going to help.
And yes just knowing that you are there helps alot so thank-you!!
Donna welcome to BB. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I can relate to your grief and how hard it is seeing others and trying to pretend you are coping when inside your completely heartbroken. You will find lots of woman on this site who understand some of your feelings. Welcome again
I have to be honest and say that I am really not doing to well I am really trying but it doesnt seem to be getting any better although I have joined a meditation class and it is wonderful.
I am still having trouble being around my family who have kids and I am just still so angry.
Anyway I am hoping with time still it will get better.
I hope that you are not sorry you asked thanks again for checking in.
Oh and I got my blood results back and there doesnt seem to be anything wrong which is good I know but it a way I was hoping for something to be wrong and then we could fix it as 'just bad luck' doesnt seem to cut it for me. We are still waiting on the chromosomes tests though and I am really hoping those ones are ok.
Thanks again Dory I hope everything is ok with you
I am not sorry I asked. In greiving for your little ones, it's so easy to feel isolated and alone. I wouldn't want you to feel alone.
It's unfair on yourself to try to pretend you're ok, when maybe you're not. I admire your honesty in admitting you might not be ok. It takes a lot of courage to say you might not be ok.
I've been told I am an intuitive griever, and I think that means I just do what I feel needs to be done.
So, what I am trying to say is - I think it's ok for you to be angry, because losing your little ones is not fair or right. I think it's ok to stay away from people who you don't feel confortable being around. This is the time to take time for you.
Me? I have my good days and days which are not. I've noticed that lately I actually have days I realise I am feeling happy and optomistic. It takes me by surprise, but it's nice. I didn't ever think I would feel like that again. It gives me hope that there is some light in this difficult and dark journey. I hope you can get to that point too.
I am a lot further along than you in my grief journey in some respects - I had a miscarriage in July last year, my daugther was born extremely premature at 22 weeks in February this year, I miscarriaged one of my twins, my son, at 15 weeks in late July this year and my second twin, my daugther at 20 weeks in late August this year. In fact, you're the first person I've shared this with ( although I know these post aren't confidential, I feel like I am talking to you). So thanks for asking.
Donna welcome to BB, sorry it is under these circumstances, but I'm sure you will make many supportive friends here, and we can all support you through your journeys of greif, healing and perhaps TTC sometime in the future X
Time unfortunately is not the essence of healing when you have experienced such a loss, but supportive friends and family can give you more reasons to smile each day as time does pass.
I hope that you can be smiling soon sweetheart X
Take care, and be caring X One thing that took me a while to realise is that I wasn't the only one who lost my pregnancy, my DH did too X
Thanks for your reply and your good advice I think having time to myself at the moment is exactly what I need I just dont think some people understand that but that is too bad!!!! I just feel like I should be spending time with my nieces and nephews because they are my family and I love them but it is just really hard to be around them all and it will be harder at Xmas I am sure.
I have joined a meditation class recently which has been wonderful!!! (Time for just me and for 45 mins I can rest my mind) I have never been that interested in meditation before and never thought I would like it but I really do!!
Thank-you for sharing with me your story it means alot to me and I am sorry for your loss heartbreaking! you certainly have been on a journey and your advice about good days and bad is spot on.
It is funny how you can go from one extreme to the other well not really but I can feel positive and just as you said surprise myself about how well I am going and as quick as that the next day is not as good.
Thanks again for your advice and for listening and for being there it is nice being about to talk to you.
Lets hope for lots of good days for us in the time to come.
Thanks for your welcome message and you are right I have come across some lovely supportive people here and it really helps so thanks!!!
You are right about smiling and I am hoping that I can soon.
I havent talked about my DH before (I am not up with the lingo but I am pretty sure that is Husband? or darling husband). I did exactly the same thing and it took me a while to realise that they did in fact suffer a loss too! It is so easy to forget about them and I wasnt being very nice to him after the first two but it is really hard on them too as they not only are upset for themselves but they also have to worry and take care of you!!!
Thanks again for your message and I hope we can talk soon xoxo
Hey Donna -you're most welcome. anyone posting here has been through a lot. I had no idea there could be so many other people experiencing the inconceivable journey of loss of little ones.
hope today has been a good day.
strange isn't it to think about and do things that you wouldn't have considered before? meditation sounds great and i hope it helps.
a little me time never went astray, so grab it with both hands.
i saw your post to murraycod. the first time i remember smiling, genuinely smiling, was in response to something simply ordinary that my cats were doing. it was one of the best moments, to know I could smile again. it gave me hope.
those little furry felines have just been the best little therapists, and most of the time, I reckon they are just self interested. but irrespective, they showed me there was hope and they came to me when no one else would. darling little fur babies.
Last edited by dory; December 2nd, 2009 at 08:21 PM.
: typos
You're welcome. Glad to hear you're feeling some hope again..... mine seems to have dissapated, and I've been feeling pretty glum for a few days. Oh well. This journey isn't easy and this must just be a rough patch. I was just reading back over your original post, and I realised that you first posted on my wedding anniversary. It takes time and healing to find the courage to try again. Well done and good luck.
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