things just keep getting worse..

[dellydoo]

Meredith

I totally understand your guilt and rage at your body for not doing the right thing. Honey I feel it myself and I have said sorry to my son until my voice is ragged. This does not mean you should hold onto this guilt. Accept that it is going to drop in from time to time but let that other voice in your head - and I know you have it We All Do - gently coax you back from the brink. The voice that says it wasn't your fault angel, you did all you could, no one could have done any more than you.
Darling if the NK test is not going to yield results then you can ring the airline and explain. If they do not help you then I am happy to help out sweetheart.

Know that you are loved and that you are not whinging, you are baring your soul. This is cruel and unusual the pain you are going through, that we are all going through, so never apologise.

Much love you in your sorrow sweetheart
Adele

[Olive]

hun, i hope you get some much needed answers soon.

[jo76]

i hardly know what to say. I really hope you are able to go to sydney as planned and hopefully get some answers you are looking for. I too lost a baby at 22 weeks, 4 weeks ago and my body is still getting back to "normal". Please take care - we can't blame ourselves, its easy to planbt the thought, as we do consider our bodies to be the protector but its a road we will never get off if we do.
please take care! sending you love and hugs!
jo

[nicjay]

Meredith, I'm so sorry to hear you are still having a rough time The other ladies are right, you are not to blame at all. There are just so many things we don't know about miscarriage Keep pushing for answers and you will have another baby to hold!

Take care of yourself xx

[Bun]

Sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear about this. You have been through so much already, I just want to give you big big

Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your darling little angels. You did everything you could. I hope you can make your trip as planned and get some answers.

Thinking of you.

[~Kim~]

I hope you get some answers soon Meredith
Let it out hun.
You haven't failed at all...sounds like there's lots of people who have (but shouldn't have) failed you.

[MeredithD]

Thanks ladies, for listening to my ranting and understanding my pain. There are not to many people in my "real" world who will do that so thankyou!

Good and bad news today.
The good is that tomorrow's trip to Sydney is going ahead. DrS says they don't know how pregancy hormones will affect test but to do it anyway so I will at least get that out of the way. Not expecting answers but at least I'll know I have done it.
Bad news is that a scan today confirmed some retained placental tissue which is happily growing like i'm still pg. Explains why my pg symptoms are getting worse rather than easing.
My Dr is with me on the reluctance to do yet another D&C ( I've had waaay to many) so we will try misoprostol tabs and pray I can expel it over the next few days. Not convinced its going to work given its had 4 weeks to come out and no sign of shifting,but crossing everything. How ironic to be desperate for pregnancy but, now equally desperate for it all to e gone. How can my body be so good at killing babies but so reluctant to give them up?!!