Meredith

I totally understand your guilt and rage at your body for not doing the right thing. Honey I feel it myself and I have said sorry to my son until my voice is ragged. This does not mean you should hold onto this guilt. Accept that it is going to drop in from time to time but let that other voice in your head - and I know you have it We All Do - gently coax you back from the brink. The voice that says it wasn't your fault angel, you did all you could, no one could have done any more than you.
Darling if the NK test is not going to yield results then you can ring the airline and explain. If they do not help you then I am happy to help out sweetheart.

Know that you are loved and that you are not whinging, you are baring your soul. This is cruel and unusual the pain you are going through, that we are all going through, so never apologise.

Much love you in your sorrow sweetheart
Adele