Psychobear, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a pain that all too many of us have experienced.

One thing I learned when I went through mine - if you try to deny how you feel, if you try to bottle it all up inside and pretend it's ok - it just makes things worse.

So, for now, wallow in despair. Cry, scream, get angry... The time to pick yourself up and be positive again comes later, when you are ready for it, not when your friends and family think you should be ready for it.

It does get easier in time, I promise.

BW