If I died what would happen to my Son

[Baileys_mum]

I know this seems a bit morbid but I have to consider this...

Hi. I'm a single mum to a 3 year old. His biolological father is 9 years younger than me and has never wanted anything to do with him, he even resents paying child support.

I have a boyfriend whom I've been with for 18 months and we are having a baby together but since our apartments are right across from eachother we are not moving in together until my partner has bought a bigger house for us which will be around the time bub is born.

My son thinks my boyfriend is his dad because he has known him since he was 1 and a half and we are very much like a family when we are together but when I checked the internet for the steps we have to take for my boyfriend to adopt Bailey after the baby is born i read things that suggested we had to live together for at least 2 years and that Bailey needed to be five. This really scares me because I know my son very well and he would be devastated to be taken away from the only family he has ever known and be offered up to strangers (in the form of his biological fathers family) He is a very sensitive little boy and it breaks my heart to think of what could happen if I don't take the right steps now. Even though my 2nd son hasnt been born yet. My three year old talks to him everyday, pats my tummy and shows my belly his favorite toys.

Does anyone have any advice as to where I should go from here?

Thanks
Jess

[AndiE]

I don't consider this morbid ... what happens to our kids if we meet an unfortunate and untimely death is definitely worth talking about.

Hun, I'd suggest you talk to a solicitor. That way you'll know exactly what the rules and regulations (... if any) are and you can put a plan into action. If you can't afford a solicitor maybe legal aid? Not all solicitor's cost the earth - shop around.

All I can tell you is that DH and I finally made our wills during the year and we appointed my sister and her DH to be our boys' legal guardians if DH and I died together or one after the other. We obviously asked and received their consent first. This is possibly a bit different to what you're asking, I realise.

You'd hope that if you can prove that you and he are in a relationship, your DS views him as his daddy and he views and treats your DS as his son etc, then sanity would prevail where adoption is concerned. Good luck with things.

[Baileys_mum]

Thanks Andie

I will ring legal aid tomorrow and hopefully they can set my mind at ease about all this.

I noticed you hypnobirthed your babies. I am currently halfway through Marie Mongans book and finding that it all makes very much sense, especially since I am studying the nervous system for college at the moment. I have decided to make my own birth affirmations for my ipod.
Did you use the rainbow relaxation also?

[Maruschke]

My stepfather legally adopted me when I turned 5, I didn't even realise until I was about 10... best of luck to you with the legalities. DD1 is going to my sister if we both die.

[krisp]

This is a very real and worrying situation for all parents be them single or not so don't feel bad about expressing it. We have decided that our 2 kidlets will go to my BIL and SIL (DH brother and his family). Both my parents have passed on and even though I have 2 sisters neither of them have any children so it would be a huge ask for them to take on 2 children. My BIL and SIL have 2 boys 8 and 10 so they would be ideal to care for our 2.

To be honest it scares the hell out of me as well.....

[KimB]

We have the same worries here. I am having my 6th but my XH is still very much a part of my older kids lives. He would expect to take them and then my younger 3 would be left to someone else. So my family would be broken up. I can't ask someone to take on all 6 as that would be waaaaaaay to much to ask but it would be nice if they could all still be together.

[AwesomeFoursome]

How did you go with legal aid? I am also worried about who to leave my kids with if dh and I both died. It is a hard decision.

[Jacci PG]

Hi - This is actually my job!

DO you have a will??? In a will you can appoint a guardianship clause, the guardianship clause is not legally binding, however if something does happen to you and your partner at the time ( if he has not legally adopted your son) goes for custody they will look at your Will and atleast it will give them some idea of what you would of wanted.

If you died without a Will (intestate) then your son owuld automatically go to his father - unless his father said no to having him, then it would go to the Gaurdianship Board for them to decide.

I think you actually have to worry more about where you would want your son to go if something happened to both you and your partner at the same time, its horrible to say but you really need to have what we call a "total Wipe-out clause" when people have young families they normally travel in the car or where ever/how ever they are going somewhere it is more than likely together.

It is one of the biggest arguments in my office and DH and I even argued about it, I wanted one thing he thought another idea was better.

I don't deal in adoption though - so i'm no help to you now

MAKE SURE YOU DO A WILL!!!! that is my main advice to you, not for the fact of where your money is going to go but mainly for that guardianship clause - its the only way that your actual opinion on the matter of where your son should end up will actually be heard!

[Inertia]

This is a concern I had too. XH is not in 1&2s life, at all, so if something happened to me I wanted to make sure that they would stay with DH or at worst, go to one of my family. XH can't be trusted.

Anyway, I stopped worrying a couple of years back after reading a story in the newspaper. Borrowed this from a site

Interestingly in Australian law, custody is not solely the domain of the the biological parents of a child. In Australia it is possible for the step-parents, grandparents, elder brothers or sisters and in fact any adult who is concerned for the welfare of the child to apply for the right to care for a child. The is a result of the the FAMILY LAW ACT 1975 – SECT 64C which states that:
“A parenting order in relation to a child may be made in favour of a parent of the child or some other person.”

The reason it was in the paper was because it had just been tried in court and succeeded. The step-father was given legal custody of his stepson over the biological parent that had abandoned him as a baby.

Your chat with legal aid should help sort this out in your head and yes a will.