I cant do this I need some help & strategies like RIGHT NOW

[Cocolove]

I told moni off before for butting into me telling off mj & banned her from basketball tonight and she went BALLISTIC I cannot deal with her she is in her room screaming like she is beeing murderd and I didnt even touch her ( i dont smack) but im at the end of my tether seriously I said i dont want my daughter on drugs but right now drugs are looking fantastic, I cant cope i do it all on my own my DH is a truck driver which means long hours and even days away from us and right now Im trying to calm down but I can feel it in my stomach i am so angry and I just cant calm down, oh wait now shes kicking the door...Breathing 1..2..3 how the hell do I cope she is getting worse the older she gets I need help

[BrightSparkles]

I really have no advice for you in this situation but am sending you LOADS of
All i can suggest is don't go in there while you are still feeling like this because you will just get angrier. I hope someone comes in soon who can offer you better advice than I can. xxx

[Mak]

Not sure I have any ideas that can help - but wanted you to have a
xxx

[Kazmar]

Have you spoken to someone about natural 'drugs'? I completely understand you not wanting to pump your DD with drugs
Im not in your position BUT everytime I need to give my DD's any sort of drug I look into the natural way 1st

[Cocolove]

Have you spoken to someone about natural 'drugs'? I completely understand you not wanting to pump your DD with drugs
Im not in your position BUT everytime I need to give my DD's any sort of drug I look into the natural way 1st

No I havnt but perhaps I should, I wouldnt know where to start

[christy]

Mate.... deep breaths and a punching bag.

Even drugs take MONTHS to take effect when doing it with cognitive behavioural exercises. You need to get her to an OT or someone who does floortime which is emotional regulation help. That will help reduce the massive meltdowns.

I had a moment where I listened to my GP and gave M some drug that was supposed to sedate her for air travel... well... it had the opposite effect and she was more aggressive and agro than before.

[Cocolove]

Mate.... deep breaths and a punching bag.

Even drugs take MONTHS to take effect when doing it with cognitive behavioural exercises. You need to get her to an OT or someone who does floortime which is emotional regulation help. That will help reduce the massive meltdowns.

I had a moment where I listened to my GP and gave M some drug that was supposed to sedate her for air travel... well... it had the opposite effect and she was more aggressive and agro than before.

she starts seeing a child psychologist and OT on May 13th, it cant come soon enough

[christy]

Then wine, or beer, or something that will numb your mind at night.

Okay okay.... yoga or something more relaxing would probably help more, but my DH & I have used alcohol to get through the real crap times.

[Cocolove]

Then wine, or beer, or something that will numb your mind at night.

Okay okay.... yoga or something more relaxing would probably help more, but my DH & I have used alcohol to get through the real crap times.

hehe im a step ahead of you there, just had a glass of wine to calm me down sounds horrible i know

[Lulu]

ATTA GIRL - don't be silly, if it's a glass of wine you need (or three), go for it.

Let her scream like she is being murdered. It might help calm her down, or get some of the energy out. One thing - I NEVER withdraw the physical activities as punishments because you end up punishing yourself, maybe lose a toy instead?

[Kazmar]

No I havnt but perhaps I should, I wouldnt know where to start

Maybe google someone in your area. I doubt your doctor will suggest anyone, cant hurt to ask I guess. Where are you?

[Cocolove]

ATTA GIRL - don't be silly, if it's a glass of wine you need (or three), go for it.

Let her scream like she is being murdered. It might help calm her down, or get some of the energy out. One thing - I NEVER withdraw the physical activities as punishments because you end up punishing yourself, maybe lose a toy instead?

It doesnt bother her when she looses a toy coz she destroys them anyway, I feel bad for punishing her full stop its like im just making her more angry when she cant help it in the 1st place.
Im at a loss im finding it hard to deal with I thought it was all gonna be ok coz its not like I havnt known there is something there all these years but now i have something to go buy I am just lost

[Cocolove]

Maybe google someone in your area. I doubt your doctor will suggest anyone, cant hurt to ask I guess. Where are you?

Im inbetween colac & warrnambool

[Lulu]

It wont help now but have you in the past asked Moni what she thinks is a decent punishment? She might feel part of the process that way, even at her age.
Maybe things like "making it right' would be better value to her than punishment - eg helping her sibling clean the bedroom..ummm taking the bins out? Then it can be over - she doesn't get away with things and you do't suffer more than she does...

[Cocolove]

It wont help now but have you in the past asked Moni what she thinks is a decent punishment? She might feel part of the process that way, even at her age.
Maybe things like "making it right' would be better value to her than punishment - eg helping her sibling clean the bedroom..ummm taking the bins out? Then it can be over - she doesn't get away with things and you do't suffer more than she does...

They do clean their room, they cant take the bins out we have a skip but thanks for your suggestions I appreciate it.

I try talking to her when she calms down and she agrees...until the next meltdown

[Just Me]

Getting on BB is also the right thing to do - great distraction.

Remind yourself that she is not directing the tantrum at you. She is feeling frustrated and disappointed about basketball tonight and needs to express that and that's all this is ... an overload of emotions.

Maybe when she is calm again, you can talk to her about how she is feeling and a more appropriate way for her to express it. You could talk to her about having a tennis ball to bounce against a wall continuously, some kids like a hair tie around their wrist that they can flick or a stress ball in their pocket to squeese. The repetitiveness of these activities can be really useful for calming kids down and keeping their hands busy. Practice with her when she is calm. "When you feel like this you can ..." Ask her what she would like to try ... some kids like lego as well because being able to build is really useful for using energy mentally and physically.

Talk to her about a cool down area in your house that she can go to with pillows in a nice quiet corner where no-one will bother and she can have some special items in that place. Practice with her using her cool down area or one of the other stress things while she is calm. Then you can gently suggest those places when she is starting to get a bit worked up ... you look a bit upset to me, would you like to go to cool down?

Work with her on identifying times when she is feeling angry. Talk about how her body reacts so she can start to recognise the signs. Start with easy ones like feeling happy or feeling sad and then move more into angry. Help her to describe what her face is doing, what her body is doing, what her hands and feet are doing when she is feeling different emotions. Go through them one at a time and not all at once. Have plenty of conversations with her about it and don't expect her to understand all at once. Talk to her about yourself as well. "I am feeling a bit sad at the moment. I know I am feeling sad because I want to cry. There are tears on my face etc etc" That kind of thing. Helping her to identify her emotions will help her to start to recognise when she needs to use cool down or some other strategy to help her calm down. It may take a while for her to get the hang of but if she does it can be very powerful.

I don't have kids with special needs. I was a special ed teacher for a little bit and these are some of the strategies we tried so feel free to ignore any advice I have because I don't know what it is like to have the emotional attachment and to live with a child with a disability. Not all strategies work on all kids and nothing will work first time every time without fail, but they are things you can keep in your tool kit and try out and see if they work for you.

Well, I hope something that I said in there was useful to you. I can't imagine it is easy but you do need to take care of you and having a glass of wine and a chat on BB is a good way to calm yourself and take a few deep breaths. We have all been there with our own kids at some point. I take a walk out to the letter box sometimes as well. Fresh air and sunlight can also do wonders.

Good luck

[Cocolove]

just me- Thank you so much, Im going to make her that corner, everything you said is fantastic

and thanks all of you for helping me through this