I could just cry this afternoon. After being told by two pre-school teachers that Marisa might have this, I looked it up and you know when something all of a sudden makes sense and explains everything to you that you have been going through? I feel such a huge relief I just want to cry.

I was probably ignorant at first, I thought she would grow out of this 'shyness' but selective mutism is apparently a childhood anxiety disorder, which makes sense... apparently it's an inherited thing anxiety genes and my grandmother confided in me that when she was younger she would have panic attacks. I am a very anxious person but have only ever had one panic attack in the mother and baby unit - but poor Marisa.

The symptoms are everything I am going through, from poor sleeping, poor separation especially when younger (ooooh boy lets not go there) and the main thing is only talking when with family but not in public or schools etc - anywhere on 'display' so to speak. Her kinder teacher told me today that she is so smart, she's figured out a way to communicate without having to talk. So it's gotten that bad. This too is another thing, it's often a thing intelligent and articulate children have - she is both of these things. The irony is, and as per what normally happens, they talk their heads off in private with family, can be boisterous etc... that's Marisa!

Gosh, I think I need a big cry now and I can't wait until John gets home to show him what I have found. We'll start cognitive behavioural therapy as soon as we can, it can get worse the longer it's left and be terrible for self-esteem and development. I just need to find the best child psych I can... god I feel so awful but relieved at the same time. Who would have thought a simple name of a condition would bring such relief...