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Thread: How did you and your partner decide on a name?

  1. #1

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    Default How did you and your partner decide on a name?

    DH and I can't seem to agree on a name, or even a shortlist for our little girl. Everything I suggest he either vetoes outright or is just indifferent to, and I feel the same about his suggestions. I really want us to both be happy with what we choose in the end but don't know how to manage this process. I'm finding myself spending HOURS going through our name book and looking on the net trying to find something we can agree on. I guess it's a reflection on our quite different personalities - we have quite different tastes in music and art, different dress-styles and different interests. It's kinda amazing that we get along so incredibly well now I think about it!



    Also, I believe she should have a middle name. He is quite strongly against the idea of a middle name. ARGH!

    Any thoughts?

  2. #2

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    We don't have a name yet either, same problem!!!!

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    oooh hard when you don't agree.

    I've heard lots of couples who don't agree on names either name a child each (if planning on more than one) or, pick a name each - one for first name - one for second.

    DH picked Miss M's name - and I wasn't too sure of it cos its just so unusual and nobody has ever heard of it.

    I went on the "unusual baby names" website and wrote down every name that I liked, or that sounded good with our last name, gave him a copy and we crossed out ones that we didn't like, wanna use etc - ended up with one that we both liked - that we then used as one of her middle names.

    With DS - his name was going to be Reznor - then I changed my mind and ended up searchin for a name at 36 weeks - and found the one I absolutely loved - and luckily DH agreed.

    Just gotta think of an equally cool name for #3 now!!

    Good luck - Its hard!

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    hmmm tricky ...

    I would suggest if you can get a list of 5 names you both like - and then wait until bubs is born and see how you feel then!

    My DS1 - name all picked out - he was born, and DH said - nup - and suggested something else - I was on a high and just said whatever!

    DD I had settled on about 4 weeks prior, but had a list we had agreed on - as soon as she was born - I said to him - Giselle??!! and he said oh yes!

    DS2 - we threw around some ideas, but really let me run the show this time lOL - I think he was over thinking about names!

    Dont stress about it too much, there WILL be one that comes to you both, adn if you dont have a name straight away, its no biggie~!

  5. #5

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    I had to learn how to decipher what DH was saying about my naming suggestions he either said an outright "no" or a "it's not bad" but he never loved a name. I was waiting to find the name he loved and realised it would never come as he just couldn't imagine our DS until he was here with us so thinking about a name to suit him was impossible for him. The best he could do was a "it's not bad" and that's the name we went with and now we can't imagine him by any other name.

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    we had set a boys name but were still arguing about girls name when i was in labour!!!!

    DH is very fussy!! and so many names i loved he had a reason not to. eg charlotte harlot etc grrr

    good luck its hard work!!

  7. #7

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    I'd actually picked out DS's name about 15years ago - and had mentioned to DH over the last 11years we've been together, so I guess he just knew that it was meant to be. He did have a whinge that he never got a say in the name back when I was still pregnant (we didn't know what we're having either) - but deep down he did actually like the name - he just wanted to be difficult .

    But I did say as I had picked the 1st name, he could do the 2nd name - I must admit I did help suggest to him to pass down his middle name (which I think he was very proud of anyway).

    Unfortunately if we ever have a girl he has no say in it as I've also had the 1st and 2nd name picked out for years as well and I'm not willing to budge at this stage (but I think he likes these names too, particularly the middle as he knows what it means to me). But if we ever had another boy, I think I might actually let him pick that one (depending I like it of course).

  8. #8

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    I liked Elise or Elspeth, DH liked Sophie. And we both hated the other's choice!

    It took hours and hours and hours in a car to get three names we were both OK with. We then went through them again the next day and DH ruled out the name we eventually decided on. We were stuck with "what could be long for Ellie?" for a long time because none of my suggestions were OK. And we decided that we liked Faye but couldn't name our daughter that. So we went back to the other name.

    But it was sitting down for hours and just going through literally hundreds of names, every name I could think of (the name we both ended up loving was just a name I flung out because it was some new thought and DH didn't think it was too nasty or silly).

    And we have middle names for family. If it's "for someone" then it's harder to refuse!

  9. #9

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    While we still haven't decided on DD's name, I have gone to my state's Births Deaths and Marriages website and got the list of the top 100 registered girl's names. After eliminated all the names family members already have and ones there is no way we would use, I ticked the names I liked and DH did the same. There were only a few names that we both liked. I was actually very surprised (horrified) by some of his choices.

    With DS we nutted it out on a car trip. It seemed much simpler for a boy!

    Good luck with your choice.

  10. #10

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    DH suggested a name he liked (that had relevance to me) which i thought was very pretty, and somewhat unusual. i suggested a name that i liked for it's relevance to the babies we've lost while trying to get our earth baby - he liked it. we both had another name we'd considered for middle name for the names we liked and turned out it was the same (very relevant to both of us) so we ended up deciding Gremlin would have three names

    if she had been a he, it was easy enough - DH wanted to use my name, but i don't like it (in either it's masculine or feminine variations) so we changed it around to have relevance to both of us (my name, his DOB). i liked a variation of his name, and he wanted to use his dad's name so the combo came about with no argument at all!

    i guess having similar, not completely out there but also not mainstream taste, has helped a lot!

  11. #11

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    DF and I were having such a hard time coming up with a name for DS so in the end this is how we decided...

    I found a list of boys names on the internet (there were about 450 names on it). On the first night we each crossed off 60 names we didn't like leaving 330 names. On the second night we both crossed off 50 names each. 40 names on the third night, 30 on the fourth night, 20 on the fifth night and 10 on the sixth night. This left us with a list of 30 names. We then crossed off names we couldn't use, ie. names which were the same as a friends child or names that wouldn't go with his sirname. This left us with a tidy little list which we just looked at and pondered over for a couple of weeks. Once we had a short list it was much easier to decide on a name we both liked.

    Good luck!

  12. #12

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    well i chose my sons name because its after someone who died that meant a lot to me and its a family name middle name is a new zealand word meaning food and third name was DH's grandfathers name and was also my granddads middle name lol i just told him thats wat his name is and he agreed

  13. #13

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    Oh Katabellah - I feel your pain. Our DS1 didn't have a name until he was 2 weeks old because we refused to compromise with each others first choices- terrible!

    The thing is- we actually both loved a name earlier in the pregnancy, as it was very unique, artistic, and we had come across it quite alot in our travels around Europe. Then low and behold, some young man with our favorite name committed a hideous crime against a minor and it was all over the news etc. Of course the story was forgotten 2 weeks after that but DH couldn't let the association go. I was so upset - I brought up the issue with my friends and none of them could actually remember the name of the guy who committed the crime anyway.
    Luckily, DH eventually brought up the name crisis with his mates- who told him that 'our' name was the best of his selection, and that it would be stupid to get rid of a great name just because some moron out there with the same name did something bad. I mean, how many criminals out there must be called Michael or Jason, for example??
    Anyways- so we settled on it in the end- but poor DS1 was just 'bub' for a couple of weeks!!

    I am so petrified that the same thing will happen if we have a boy this time. We have already started discussing names to be prepared - but he seems to change his mind like the wind. Thankfully he is pleased with my chosen girls name...... coz I wont be taking no for an answer with that one!!

    Goodluck- maybe you can suggest that if you have boy - he can have your Dh's name as a middle name? Or maybe there is a nice name for a female middle name on his side of the family, or a female he admires, which may make him come around?
    Oh- and a word of advice, sometimes they can be antagonistic to a name simply because you suggested it (I don't think they are aware of this of course), but rather than you go through lots of name lists and suggest them to him, make him go through name lists (you can have a list each) and at the end see if you have picked any of the same. This way they feel a bit more empowered, and he cannot deny liking a name if he chooses it for himself!!

    Goodluck!!

    XX
    Last edited by JellyBean; March 30th, 2009 at 05:45 PM. Reason: spelling

  14. #14

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    My DH refused to discuss names before we knew the sex of our baby!! But I still kept saying "what do you think of xx". I thought it was going to be very hard to find a name we both liked because he didn't like ANY of my suggestions.
    At our 19 week scan we found out we were having a boy. I already had a very long list of girls names but no boys names as I just couldn't think of any. The very same day DH said he liked Peter, which according to him I had suggested ages ago. This was my late fathers name & is DH's middle name. So decision made easy peasy!!
    I don't think we'll change our minds as the name means alot to me. The only trouble now is a middle name which I think is important to have. Don't know why - just our opinion. The middle name DH wants I hate & I can't think of anything yet.

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