4.5 year old behavior help/vent

[Liviam]

Excuse me, I think you have my child. That's ok... You can keep him lol!!

[Ginger]

hi arte- I'm going to go against the grain here and say that ds1 is not like this at all. it could be a personality thing. i don't know?
i know these sorts of things have been going on for a while for you though, and to be completely honest, i think maybe you might need to get some outside advice about it all. please take this in the way that i mean it, out of concern, not critiscm. you know that we are friends and thats why i feel that i can say this to you xox

[MamaPan]

G said what I was going to say. Whilst N has his moments what you describe doesnt sound like him - the meltdowns, almost 'sabotahing' his own games etc. If I am giving him attention he doesnt get upset while we are playing or if something goes off course.
It isnt so new for you - you have these cycles - perhaps related to his sleep?
I agree with G why dont you get someone to check it out for you - it keeps coming up and I dont know how you deal with it all.
Like G - this all comes from our friendship and how much I care for you and your kids. x

[Artechim]

Thanks everyone. Glad to see he isn't the only super surly 4 year old around.

I should have added that this isn't a passing thing - he has been doing it for at least the last 3 months. Don't get me wrong, he can be such a nice kid when he is good, it can just go bad so quickly. It is way better on kindy days. Staying at home is a complete nightmare.

G and MP, thanks - I do appreciate the honesty. The GP did refer us to someone about the sleep and I was going to bring up the behavior stuff then. He is acting like he was back before we started kindy, when he needed more stimulation. Perhaps there is something in this 'gifted' thing like his teachers say. I really hope that he hasn't outgrown kindy, it is still 6 months before he starts school.

[Ginger]

when do you see the person that you were referred to arte?

[Artechim]

Dunno. Saw the GP a month ago and still haven't received anything in the mail. Will ring the GP tomorrow and make sure he actually made the referral I think.

[Trillian]

I really think you need to follow this up with the GP. Personally, I don't think a label of *gifted* can be thrown around on his own like that - the bigger picture needs to be looked at too and saying he is gifted is easy - everyone wants a gifted child, but when you add into it that the apparent *giftedness* is a part of something else it's not so good anymore, so it's just better to stick with the *gifted* tag. It can't be looked at in isolation like the kindy teachers are doing. They see this incredibly bright kid at kindy, but they don't see what he is like at home and if they did I don't think they'd be saying he's gifted. And lets be really honest, this isn't just the last 3 months it's been going on, it's been like this for years with a few bright spots in between to lull you into thinking it's just a passing stage or developmental. I have 4 kids all with different personalities and NONE of them have acted out like that continuously. I don't know a single 4 year old who is continuously like that unless they have a reason to be like that. I've spent a lot of time at preschool while my kids have been there and you can tell the difference between what is normal bratty 4yo behaviour and what is a sign of a bigger issue.

I think he thrives on kindy days because he is getting a fully structured day and when he gets home and it's not structured he can't handle it. You know how he likes routine and things to be *just so* and kindy gives him that. I know it puts you in a crappy position because you can't dedicate the time to him to give him the structure and routine of kindy because you have the two girls and a house to run. At kindy the teachers are there solely to provide them with activities and things to do that will engage them. When you've spoken to them, have you talked about what he is like at home? No one wants to contemplate that there may be something else going on, but it can't go on like this.