Oh sweetie, I don't think anyone will judge you about anything! Big hugs firstly , I think most of us mums know how bad it can get at times with our bubs and sleeping. My DS was a shocker of a sleeper during the day, which mummy was definetely not happy about as that's when she could get a wee break!! I have to say I was fortunate up until DS started teething that he slept through the night, but now often ends up in our bed. It's gotten to a point where he got used to being taken to our bed and the habbit is now quite hard to break, usually resulting in poor sleep all round (except DS of course who has the bulk of the bed all to himself!).
Have you looked into all the common things like reflux, colic, wind etc? I know I only have one earthside bub, but I found he was quite a windy baby until around 6-7 months, so I gave him infacol to help him expel the wind. I have tried everything under the sun for day sleeps (he would often sleep 30-45 minutes ONCE a day since he was very little), the only thing I wasn't really interested was CC, I just didn't think it was for us. Oh, and I did have the odd glass of wine or a bottle of beer which usually calmed me down and made me quite drunk as I hadn't had any alcohol for ages! lol
GL hunni, it really is good to reach out and ask for advice, as I'm sure many mummies will pop in and hopefully give you some ideas to try. Big hugs again and hang in there lovely!! And remember what people often say which is very true, 'this too shall pass'. It's just frasturating as you wanna know, when????!!!!