Anxiety about SIDS illogical?

[Amaunet]

My little man is 2 months tomorrow and a few nights ago I gave myself a scare when I woke up and couldn't hear him breathing - he was just in a deep sleep - but his little check felt quite cool and I honestly (just for a second) thought he had died. I snatched him up, realised he was warm and he squirmed - panic over. But since then I have this fear and preoccupation with the possibilty of SIDS. I have reached over my shoulder into his capasule to check he is still alive and stopped the pram and lifted the shade to check - he is just so STILL and has very pale skin normally and I keep scaring myself. I also keep thinking of an article in a parenting mag where a mum talked about her sids experience (waking and finding her child in his bassinette).

Am I being silly - its really starting to stress me out - I cam crying as I type this - I am worried I am having a "premonition" or something.

I follow ALL the sids n kids recommendations but can't use my angel care mon in my bassinette or my bedroom as the traffic on the main road affects the perfomance.

Is this normal?

[KatieRabbit]

Sorry to hear that you have not having an easy time. SIDS is a worry for all parents I am sure but as long as you are taking the appropriate measures which you are, then there is less to worry about.
I just wanted to let you know my experience. When DD was born something inside me turned on major protection mode and I was worried day and night about all sorts of scenarios about losing her- even her falling into the toilet (and no, that's not funny!). And I had many horrid dreams too about something awful happening to her. I couldn't watch the news or read about anything at all happening to children. I think you will find, as I did, that this is all quite common and happens to others to. It took a while for me to overcome this and I think it was mostly time and talking about it to others who understand. But it was way past 2 months when I stopped my thinking- but it was not pleasant at all. Just wanted you to know that I understand.....If it gets too much, have a word to your GP about it.

[Santosha]

Hun, I totally understand how you feel. It's so scary that a phenomenon exists that we can't control that means that our precious little people could be taken just like that. I too have 'the horrors' sometimes where I find myself imagining going in to find my little one blue. It terrifies me.

I wish I could help more. I do find it some reassurance that even though it still happens, research and prevention has come a long way from hundreds of babies being lost each year, to last year (according to my MCHN) 'only' 16 in Australia. Of these, all but one was associated with a known risk factor - smoking inside the home, tummy-sleeping, loose bedding etc.

I know... 'only' is not the appropriate term. Each was a little life and an enormous loss to a poor family. But these stats did help me to know that it is VERY rare and that if you follow guidelines, your little one is very safe.

When I get anxious, I try to just work on acceptance. Fighting anxiety only seems to make it stronger. So I just tell myself that it's ok to feel this way for now. It's just a bodily sensation... they're just thoughts... it's not real... and it will pass.

Hugs to you hun.

[Phteven]

I had a big scare once too and I didn't sleep well for a long time.
Does he sleep in your room or in your bed? Would you feel more at peace if he slept closer to you for a while?

[Lilly-Pilly]

Controlfreak - love the name!
I was exactly the same. I'm not kidding, it wasn't til DD was 9 months old that i could actually sleep through the night without waking and and checking her. There were at least three or four times in the first couple of months where i actually grabbed her out of the bassinette and woke her cause i couldnt feel or hear her breathing.
For some reason I felt like everything was too perfect and that something would go wrong.
DD is about to turn 8 next month, and is a health little chicken. So I know how you felt, i was shocking with it, but no premenition or indication of something to go wrong, just the usualy mother child bond as strong as ever, worrying about your little one! It will get easier, and you'll become more relaxed, only to move on to the next stage and age and worry about something else!!

Take care

[Amaunet]

Thanks so much for your replies ladies - I don't know what i'd do without bellybelly!

KatieRabbit and Dee - thanks for your support and understanding - it means so much to me and is sooo appreciated.


Santosha - those stats sound good - no smoking here and DS is a "picture of health" accrding to the paed I saw today (except his hip - a whole other thread )

Brontide - Thanks for the hug! he is in a bassinette at the end of my bed until 6am when hubby vacates and Blake moves in - we are both heavy sleepers overnight and don't feel safe to co-sleep. Blake will soon be too big for his bass tho (hes growing REALLY fast) and go to his own room. At least then I can use the angelcare mon for some added peace of mind - but I love having him close so am conflicted about this.

Time to stop stressing and go to bed - and have faith that he will be ok!

Thanks again ladies - may you (and your children) have the sweetest of dreams.

[Amaunet]

For some reason I felt like everything was too perfect and that something would go wrong.

Yup - this is EXACTLY how I feel!

[mumzy]

We all get over protective and worried about our bubs I think.
I remember doing the 'are they still breathing?' check all the time HEHE
Its a mum thing

If he is growing big so fast, sounds like you have a healthy boy there, who is getting he well needed (restless) sleep. Wait till he figures out rolling and giving you more to worry about when sleeping in his cot.....the joys of motherhood.

Congratulations, sounds like you are a very loving and caring mummy

[Twin Sister]

I went through the same thing. I was constantly checking to make sure DS was still breathing and I was always having bad dreams about losing him and waking in a panic. He slept in a bassinett for as long as he would fit it and hten movied into a playpen at the foot of our bed. I just couldnt' sleep well with im in his room, i needed him to be in the same room as me. DS is now alsmost two and i still check on him in the middle of the night if I get up to pee. Don['t worry though, the panic lessesns over time and it gets easier.

[Fleur]

I used to wake & check on my kids ALL the time. Even now we have the Angelcare monitor I still wake & check her, although it does help.
She also is almost too big for the bassinette, I am trying to see if we can possibly fit the cot in our room...
it does get better as they get older. A bit ... lol

[MantaRay]

Illogical - maybe, but normal - totally! We all freak out and panic about something, and I can tell you that stopping breathing is right up there as a common worry!

Would you feel more comfortable if you were co-sleeping? SIDS isn't called Cot Death for no reason - babies who safely co-sleep are far less likely to die from SIDS. It is believed that the mum regulates the baby's breathing when they are sleeping together. The reason that co-sleeping isn't promoted as an anti-SIDS initiative is because of concern that parents will co-sleep unsafely. As long as the matress is firm, neither parent is obese, a smoker or under the influence of medication, other drugs or alcohol and the baby can't get trapped anywhere, it is safe. Most mums find it works well to sleep on their side with the baby between their arm and curled up legs, so they can't wriggle up to a pillow or down to the covers. This might not be an option for you, but if it is it might give you some peace of mind.

[CrazyLady]

It's something i was scared about pre labour but i need not have worried because baby is a noisy sleeper.

Maybe invest in one of those breathing monitors to ease a little anxiety? just don't forget to turn it off if you take him out for a feed because they're loud!

I know i'd get anxious if little one wasn't such a noisy sleeper but i do wake up and check on her regardless to make sure she hasn't thrown her blankets off.

[MamaPan]

hi CF - i am exactly the same - and i also read a SIDS story and some of the words in there just go through my mind ALL THE TIME. I still check DS1 in the night if i dont hear him over his monitor... and DS2 i check in his capsule, pram and basinette. i think this worrying is quite nornmal.. and it does get easier (but i dont think it ever goes, even when the SIDS risk is minimal there is a new worry LOL) over time..

[Patooties]

My children are 7,6 and 2, and i still go in and check to make sure they are breathing.
Almost every night before i go to sleep, a vision will pop into my head of what 'could have' happened during the day. I just have to shake it out and think positive happy thoughts.
Each time i was pregnant, I worried about how i was going to protect that baby from danger.
I probably haven't helped you at all - but just wanted you to know that it's part of the Mummy job description for us to worry about our precious bubbas.
Take care

[puppies]

yep me too! JD spent one night in his pram next to our bed then he slept in his cot in his room at the other end of the house. I must admit I find his baby monitor reassuring. It goes off if it cant feel any movement, even the slightest of breathing.

I know how you feel!

[BellyBelly]

I think almost every mother goes through this! It's important to remind yourself that SIDS rates are much, much lower than they used to be, from memory the big drops in SIDS happened when they found out the link with smoking and also keeping the sleeping area free from clothes/bulky or stuffed toys etc. Yes SIDS still exists but it's a low rate.

Something that helped me a great deal was something my MCHN said and I hope it can help you and comes across okay! It was something like this:

"We all want and do the very best for our babies, to ensure they are safe and well. However you can't be with them every second. You take every care to ensure the sleeping area is safe, so you do the best you can to prevent something happening. There are a small percent of babies that do suffer from SIDS, for reasons they have not yet established, perhaps a complication with the respiratory system which may be genetic or something else. BUT the thing is this: it's likely it won't happen at all, but if it's going to happen, there is unfortunately nothing you can do to prevent it - because some things are just beyond your control.

I know this could come across as upsetting to some people, I hope it doesn't - I just wanted to share what was really helpful for me. None of us want any ill to come to our babies - but you are only human and you can't be an anxious basketcase until they are grown up! Try and get through it as best you can, love your gorgeous little bubba and know that he is very lucky to have a very caring mother who will ensure his wellbeing to the best of her ability.

I know it's terrifying... but you are doing everything right... enjoy your little man And of course, if you ever have any concerns over your baby's breathing, a simple call to the MCHN line or a chat with your MCHN or GP can allay your fears. Always check anything you are worried about.

[tenar]

I love your post there, Kelly.

I too worry about my little girl, now 4 months old. I check her in the night all the time (luckily she's sleeping beside me, so it's easy). I also remind myself, that to be honest, she's probably in more danger every time we cross the road and certainly every time we get in the car. (not to freak anyone out or anything, just pointing out that a lot fewer kids die from SIDS than die in car accidents every year).

My mum said something to me a few months ago when I was worrying because I hadn't felt the baby moving much inside me that day. She said "she's the safest she's ever going to be right now, inside you". Hmm, was that right? Probably so. I have the feeling that even in 40 years time I'll still worry about my daughter's safety and wellbeing. I guess that getting used to that is a big part of adjusting to parenthood.

Happy sleeping, everyone.

[sasha]

Yep, I second what all the others have said - from the moment I find out I'm pregnant I worry that they'll be OK and it doesn't stop once they're born!! I was talking to my aunt about this recently, and she said, you worry about them all their lives - only, once they start going out alone or move out of home, you have to worry a little less, or it really would drive you insane. I find if I start thinking too hard about what might happen to them I get upset... but "that way madness lies" and I have to shake myself out of it and just feel happy that they're healthy and beautiful and I'm doing the best I can for them.

If it helps at all, I found it easier after about 4 months because my hormones had settled down a little too. Good luck, hope you can sleep a little easier soon!