The BIG sleep issue....why do we taunt ourselves over it??

[Miss E]

I get where you are coming from, but I have to say I've been guilty of complaining about DS's sleep on many occassions (and still do about his early wakeups even though he sleeps through most nights, and I've got it pretty good on the whole). I hate to say it, but I do think it is kinda human nature to complain about things that we find difficult, and lets face it sleep deprivation is difficult.

What I hate is people who offer advice or solutions or go as far as to tell you 'you have to do this'. And yes, trying to label a baby as 'good' or 'bad' based on how they sleep is ridiculous! How can a baby be 'bad'? They're helpless little beings who need their parents, not mischevious, naughty little things who set out to make their parents lives difficult.

[Lady-bug]

Yeah I don't get the 'good baby' thing if they sleep through. I must of had a very naughty or 'bad' baby!

[Jakabella]

In the start I was worried about the sleep thing and then I though - why worry! So I didnt and I didnt worry that DD woke every 3hrs for a feed. I just did it. Thats what you do. And you know what? Once I accepted that this is how much DD needed to feed and thats the way it was going to be - DD settled and started sleeping through for 12 hrs after 3 months, and I beleive it was because I was at peace with that and not up tight all the time. Im a big believer that bubs picks up on our vibes!

I would just tell ppl that yep she wakes every 3 hrs and thats cool. People dont really know what to say when its obvious that it cool with you!

Peopel have know started telling me - oh get ready for no sleep again when number 2 arrives... and I just say Bring It On!! They also just give me a confused look like im crazy!!

[meow]

I wish Jakabella! I was very accepting of my son's sleep, I didn't find waking every 2 hurs easy but I didn't stress over it. I accepted that was him. Didn't change it though! I think his sleep had a lot more to do with him than me. I never wore any guilt, shame or ownership over it.

[onthefly]

I think it's perfectly fine to have a whinge about lack of sleep - it's bloody awful! Let's not pretend it's anything out of the ordinary though - the babies that sleep through from 3 months are very much in the minority (you lucky ducks!).

Same Meow. DS would sleep if all the stars were in alignment with Jupiter (or something), but otherwise... certainly wasn't anything to do with me. In fact I think he must have inherited his crappy sleep from his father

[Fig]

Both my children don't sleep through the night, which I actually think is probably more the norm than the exception. But IMO talking about the problem may help a person come up with a solution. After a horror night last night - up from 1am till 5:20am this morning with DS then up at 7:00am with DD (this was after them both being up and down earlier in the evening). I am tired, cranky and wanting to change the situation. I have found in the past that talking about it, sometimes gives you a chance to think about possibly why your child is waking. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Yes, I choose not to close the door on my kids and let them scream so they don't disturb me, but it still p!!!! me off being so tired I can barley function the next day.

So I guess what i am trying to say is that when we talk about a problem, especially with other people who have gone/ are going through it, a solution or another option may present itself. And hey, why can't we all vent once in a while to those we consider may understand. I certainly I have to listen to many people who work office jobs complain about the same office politics happenings, its human nature.

[MantaRay]

It's really quite a big problem that we have in our society. Instead of villages working together to support families in raising kids we have relatives, friends, bosses etc who expect us to have the babies fitting in to our lives as quickly as possible. Instead of understanding that babies needs lots of time - frequent wakings and feeding etc - we are expected to change their natural behaviour and get on with life. Where is the realisation that raising kids is the most important thing that anyone can ever do and that parents need to be supported in this? And that raising truly healthy and happy kids means meeting their needs, not trying to change their behaviour? You have to wonder whether we would have such a high rate of depression, anxiety etc in adults today if kids were seen as less of an inconvenience when our generation was born.

[Erin_25]

Well put MantaRay! you are so very right.

Don't get me wrong I have no problem talking about it, or listening or giving advice when asked....No problem at all!! It is great to talk things through.

But I'm "tired" of people always talking about it like babies should sleep when they want & wake when they want etc...and they must have a problem if they don't and lets change them and torture ourselve's!!!! at some point we need to accept things the way they are and work with it or around it...if you know what I mean. errrr I don't know I'm not as good with my words as some.

[GabberQueeN]

I'm sorry, but i do whinge alot about sleep i work full time and getting up 5 times a night kills me....

[RoyaUK]

Talking a lot about my sleep deprivation with DD2 (up at least 4 - 6 times a night for months and months) actually helped me as someone offered me some advice which i took on board and really changed how i felt about the situation. If i hadn't winged so much, she may not have felt compelled to say 'you seem to have tried everything, perhaps accept this for now and it'll improve in time'. The next day, i felt a million times better as i made peace with the situation and took on board what she said.

Complaining & wingeing really helped me (as someone offered me useful advice as a result). must have bored the people around me though ;-)

[Fig]

But I'm "tired" of people always talking about it like babies should sleep when they want & wake when they want etc...and they must have a problem if they don't and lets change them and torture ourselve's!!!! at some point we need to accept things the way they are and work with it or around it...if you know what I mean. errrr I don't know I'm not as good with my words as some.

I get that you are trying to say that babies are not robots and run to their own beat, and that we should respect that. However, in every relationship there has to be compromise on both sides. Sometimes it can be 'torture' to deal with a current situation. The times when I have tried to function on next to no sleep for days on end and still look after my two children have been really hard. Letting people know that I am not coping with having no sleep (have been through days with my DS where I got 1 hour sleep PER NIGHT for 3 to 4 days in a row!!) means that perhaps they could offer to help in some way as well as be a shoulder to cry on.

[Mrs P]

This thread has come at a good time for me - DD has gone from sleeping 6-8 hrs straight at night to doing 3-4 hrs - yep, I know that is still GREAT but I was starting to struggle (I am one of those people who prior to having a baby did not function on less than 9 hours straight sleep - ha ha), to wonder what I was doing 'wrong', how could I change her back etc etc.

Now I realise that she is just a hungry little bubba and she needs a feed more often, and that is perfectly ok. She is the most amazing thing in the world to me and we are so lucky to have even been blessed with her in the first place - this is what I will be focussing on during those tough night feeds.

But yes, it does annoy me that sleep is the major talking point for people about your baby! And as I have been complaining a bit about being tired lately, DH keeps saying "Well you know how to fix it, put her on formula" - like that would be some 'magical sleep potion'. Ugh.

[tattoo_mama]

Formula helping them sleep is a load of bull, DD was FF from 2 weeks old and didn't sleep thru til 17 months.
I think it helps alot of mums to talk about sleep (or lack of) some mums find it gives them a sense of self worth telling someone else that their baby sleeps thru (like a PP said, that that means they're doing a good job) and whingeing gives you some sympathy from someone else if just for a moment.
Sleep deprivation was the main cause I was put in the MBU.

[mummajj]

i havent even had my baby yet, and already im stressed out about what "sleeping technique" to use.

it seems like half of everyone that asks me is against baby sleeping in cot, and the other half are against co-sleeping. and then there are the occasional people that are in the middle somewhere.

now before i delved into the huuugge issue and the masses of information that is "sleeping techniques", i thought it was normal for a baby to be put in their cot under the watchful eye of the mother throughout the night. Is this wrong??

now i have no clue what the best thing to do is.

[HotI]

Do whatever works for you and your baby. There are many co-sleepers who thought they would never co-sleep (but they have found that it works best for them). And many babies who have let their parents know they love sleeping in their cot alone. You have to do what works for you and your family.

SIDS & KIds recomend that babies sleep in the same room as their parents for the first 6 - 12 months in their own sleeping space. Some parents can't sleep in the same room and others can't sleep unless bub is in the same bed. You will work out your own way. Check out the SIDS guidelines and other safety precautions but these can be woven into most sleeping arrangements.

[goddessofdawn]

I don't "complain" about my lack of sleep, but if someone asks, I am honest and say I am always tired. Wish I wasn't, but I am. I've always needed more sleep than most people - when I was working full-time, there'd be days I'd still be tired after sleeping for 10 hours straight!
So waking up 3 times a night and BFing my DD to sleep for anything from 20 mins to 1 hour is very hard for me.
I wish it didn't bother me, but it's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. I feel heaps of guilt about this, since so many other mums just get on and do it. I do think I'm a bad mum for feeling this way - which is a main reason why DD will be an only child. (And then more guilt about that too, just for good measure!)
But I've dealt with it for 14 months now, so I'm sure I'll survive another 14 months, if need be! Maybe it will stop by the time she's 3 years old

[Blujooce]

I always said he sleeps like a baby - which was perfectly true seeing he is a baby & wakes multiple times a night like babies are supposed to.

Hehe brilliant Snowy Love! I'm going to use this when I start back at work in a couple of weeks - because I just know that that's all people are going to ask me.

It's weird isn't it that somehow 'sleeping through the night' has become the gauge as to whether you are a good parent or not. i.e. if your littun' isn't sleeping through the night then you must be doing something wrong. Personally i love the opportunity to love and nurture my baby girl a couple/few times a night every night