We are very excited to be pregnant with our second bub, who will be 20 months younger than our first, so pretty close together. While we planned it this way I am starting to have an occassional freak out in terms of wondering how we are going to adjust to two. I am just trying to profit from everyone elses experience here and find out what were some of the best ideas/strategies you came up with in terms of 1) preparing a 20 month old for sharing mummy and daddy- most of the books and ideas that I have seen are for older toddlers 2)entertaining toddler while you feed and attend to bubs 3)Fitting in all the feeds/sleeps and still making sure your toddler gets some outings/activities etc. Any ideas would be fantastic.
Cheers,
Jacqui
I had a really great book for DS called "There's a house inside my Mummy". It may have been from the UK though, i'm sure you could look on Ebay.
I must admit I found going from one to two quite hard but I had no family around and not many friends as we'd just moved to the Coast. Luckily DS could be kept quiet with cartoons so we got Austar (also good for feeding at all hours of the night) which he loved.
Before I was pregnant I was working so DS was in Kindy. I kept him going for two days a week after so he could get out and have fun with other kids. Other than that I found play centres were good so he could run around and play and I could sit and have coffee and watch him.
What about a playgroup or mothers group? They're always fun and there is always someone willing to cuddle bubs for a little while
hi i too have no 2 on the way and will have a 20 month age gap. I do go to playgroup where all our 1st bubs were born within 8 wks of eachother and all 1st babies. There are currently 5 of us pregnant with our no 2's. i have found this very comforting as we will all be a good support for eachother. maybe you could look in you area for something similar. My DD when asked where is "our" bubba will point to my tum and kiss it. I work PT at the min with 6 wks to go so when i finish work we will get the new nursery ready and try to make her aware as much as poss that we will soon have a new addition.
I also have a close friend who has a 6wk old and a 21month old. She has said that her first 48hr out of hospital where the hardest so her mum stayed with her so bub no 1 had all the attention he needed and "wanted". He has adjusted very well and she has had no further problems. My DD see's her new one often and is very good with him when around. I guess we will have our share of ups and downs but i am looking forward to seeing my DD with her new sister.
My 2nd and 3rd are 21 months apart, I was really lucky as it was alot better than I expected. #2 was very understanding and well behaved (not allways)
I stocked up on new books and cheap toys for her when I was feeding and she really enjoyed me reading to her, it was like it was special time for her aswell.
At the time it was still pretty hectic with two in nappies and it is really exhausting, but they are such great friends and there were no jealousy issues either.
You will adjust so quickly and forget what it was like with just one child, trust me!!!!
There are so many benefits to having 2 or more, when your bubs is a little older they will play and amuse each other (dont forget the odd fight). They get to grow up being great friends.
Good luck, and enjoy every minute.... they grow up so fast.
You could buy your first bub a baby doll with accessories like nappies, dolly bath etc so they can tend to their baby doll in parallel to you caring for the baby. Let them be as involved as possible - eg helping pass mummy things, participate in bath time, cuddle baby with mummy's help, etc
I would encourage your child to be around and get used to other babies so they feel familiar with what a baby is like and what a baby can and can't do before your bub arrives.
Make sure you have a baby carrier/sling so that you can have hands free when you take baby and toddler out together for activities.
Encourage play-dates to keep the older one occupied so the focus isn't always on baby.
My boys are 19 months apart, but would have been 20 months apart if Tom hadn't arrived early! I can give you a heap of advice, but I'll try not to write an essay.
Firstly, don't be too worried about it being hard work. It is sometimes, that's for sure, but the positives definitely outweigh the negatives. And I have to say that most of the time it is easier than I was expecting. They get along REALLY well and always and they entertain each other a lot so that I can actually leave them playing by themselves while I do things. Occassionally Jack might get a little rough but never enough to do any real damage - he just might make Tom cry and then he'll hug him to say sorry. Do prepare for a tough first 2 months though. For me that was the hardest as Tom had colic and was not a great sleeper in the beginning and I was exhausted. But once we were through that it got heaps better.
Secondly, wrt preparing the older child. Well, we were lucky that Jack had great comprehension at that age. We talked about the baby in mummy's tummy constantly, and he would feel it. We talked about the baby being his brother or sister and he "helped" set up the room for the baby. We told him that he was lucky to be having a baby brother or sister and that mummy and daddy would need his help, and that he would have to help look after his brother or sister. At the time we didn't know how much he understood but after the birth it was obvious he had understood all along. Also Tom brought a present for Jack with him, and this stayed at the hossy while I was there as something to play with there, and then went home. That seemed to work a treat.
One thing I would do differently though, is explain that mummy will be in the hossy for a few days and nights. Somewhere along the line we forgot to prepare Jack for this and this was the one thing that did upset him. He was great with his brother but really upset with me for not coming home. It took a few days after I got home for him to be back to normal with me.
One other thing I will mention, is that due to Tom's unexpectedly early and fast arrival, Jack came to the hossy with us and was picked up from there by friends. Then after the birth DH picked him up at the friends house and brought him back to the hossy. So he saw me in the labour suite before and after delivery. This wasn't planned ahead, but in fact worked really well. I think seeing me in the same place before delivery and then there with the baby really helped him to understand better. This might be something for you to think about.
I hope this helps. Good luck with it all, I think you will love having two close together.
It's all good! You'll be fine! I was very lucky in that Louis hasn't been demanding during the hard first couple of months where most of your time will be spent with your new bubba. He's been very good at occupying himself and playing on his own...
so for some tips:
Try and get you toddler to get used to spending time on his own now...
Stock up on some good dvd's! Sometimes you'll have days where you won't want to leave the house...
Get your dh/partner to do the nighttime routine with your toddler now because when the baby arrives he'll no doubt be getting them to bed...(When Dylan arrived Louis was actually wanting my dh to put him to bed and even was calling out to him in the middle of the night! Unfortunately it didn't last too long - LOL!)
Ummmmm, definitiely make sure you spend some quality time with your toddler while the baby is sleeping and involve them in everything - also try not to be to overprotective of your baby...quite often they just want to help you with the baby...Louis loves to wipe up his sickies from his chin and give him a bounce in the bouncer etc and he loves to have cuddles with his little brother...
And about going out...In all honesty we didn't do a whole lot for the first couple of months (it's also been cold and rainy as well) but a good way is to go to play centres - you know bubs is safe playing and you can also sit and feed baby as well. You're baby will really just fit in around your toddler's routine...
Now that we hit the 3months mark I've started Louis with Swimming (dylan goes into creche) and gymbaroo again (I just juggle the two at gymbaroo)
I promise you you will find a way to manage the two of them! Good luck! It's a very exciting time!
Linda - Woohoo - Wow not long to go!!! Can't wait to hear an announcement soon!
Wow, some great tips for someone who is contemplating another little bubba. Thanks Jacqui for asking the question and thanks to the girls who replied. This is all going into my brain for processing and deciding what we're going to do.
Thank you so much for all of the fantastic ideas ladies. All of your replies have just helped me visualise how it could all work. I can see myself doing lots of playcentre/playgroup sessions with bubs in a sling and we will have to get our toddler into being a bit more independent in the next few months. You have all helped me think about how we can start gradually changing his routine now and make him a bit less mummy reliant.
I love so many of your ideas and am going out to order 'theres a house inside my mummy' tomorrow as it looks very cute and age appropriate. I wish he was a DVD watcher but so far his attention span for TV seems to be about 10 minutes...maybe I just havent found the right DVD yet. We will have to work on this! He does however love books so I guess we better stock up on loads of new exciting books for feeds.
We still have lots of time to get our head around this all and prepare our gorgeous little one so I think I need to just relax and know that its all going to work out. I guess there is just a part of me that knows that my toddlers life is going to change so dramatically and I already feel a bit sad for him but I have to focus on the joy that a sibling will bring as they grow up together.
Jacqui - Jack is not a TV watcher either, but books work a treat!
I know how you are feeling - I was the same. I felt sad for Jack and guilty for disrupting his life. I often wondered if I was doing the right thing. But I can tell you that he absolutely loves his brother and having a baby in the house. And it warms my heart to see the way they each light up at the sight of each other. And I know for a fact that anything Jack might have missed out on when he stopped being an only child, he has more than made up for by being a big brother. You have so many joys ahead of you.
Wow pleased someone else is having the same thoughts...when bub no 2 arrives my DS will be 20mth and with no family and very few friends to help out and also I dont drive I have been up and down about the pg. Fantastic tips, I have just started to go to a playgroup so that Aaron has some funtime and also looked at a daycare centre yesterday so he can go there for a few hours one day a week. A lady I keep in contact with from my old work suggested that we have a drawer or box full of bits and pieces and when its time for feeding bubs bring it out and let them play with it...she did that with hers and also told her daughters to do that when they had their children. So thats the only tip I have to share but have picked up a huge amount from reading other peoples posts, thanks!
Sus
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Pregnant with No.2...Any Advice???
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