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Thread: Changing your parenting style...

  1. #19

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    Ooooh, tough one!

    Without reading all the replies...

    My DS is over 13 months now and starting to tantrum (only mini-ones, right from the start I realised he was just pushing it so came down hard!). I calmly tell him that screaming will not result in anything. If he gets mad and hits me I put him down and leave him there for a minute, before picking him up, telling him I still love him but we DO NOT hit Mummy. I would like an apology, Liebling say sorry. If DS is completely unrepentant and giggling he goes back down, but that doesn't bother him now. If he cuddles up and gurgles at me then we hug a bit more and I'll play with him. I know it doesn't mean much, but he is going to learn not to bite/hit and learn that negative behaviour has negative consequences. Doesn't work so well now he can pick himself up and walk to me, but I ignore him pulling on my jeans. The rules are the rules.



    I will just say that I don't just let him cry. He can cry as a consequence of being naughty, but not just cry. He wakes up pretty grumpy too, he's getting better, but I don't let him cry (unless it's 5.30, I've been up more than 15 minutes getting him back to sleep and he pulls himself away and gives me a wide-awake grin, then I just go back to bed and get him when he really starts to holler!) and I don't punish him a lot, but he has to learn consequences. Consequence of a 5am wake-up after being up a lot at night is that Mummy doesn't want to play much today. Consequence of biting/hitting is a time-out and an explaination that we don't do that. Consequence of screaming for food in a supermarket is no food until we're home (then again, he is only having 3 minutes more of no food because he may get food in the car if he has been really good). Consequence of ignoring a "no" is being taken away from that activity (for example, hitting the TV with a stick means no TV and no stick for an hour - not that he's bothered about the TV, but he is about his sticks!).

    I found since he started to walk alone really well he's played alone a lot better, because he can get around better. And distraction is great - if DS is getting fussy for something he's not allowed (like he wants coffee) then I announce that I'm gonna get him and he actually runs to me so I can tickle and kiss him. He hasn't got the hang of chase yet LOL. I let him take things out the cupboards, btw, so long as he helps put them back - all the dangerous stuff is out of reach. His favourite game last month was putting pegs on the floor then back into the peg bag - he'd get out about 30 pegs and miss maybe 3 when he puts them away.

    (I threw DS a packet of his tomato corn snacks the other day - completely missed him, but I was just so furious with him screaming and DH just playing on the computer and not helping when I had a killer migraine, so after that I went to bed for half an hour and left the boys to it. They played with the noisy train set and the piano. Because I don't need quiet when I have a migraine so bad I lose colour vision and control of my legs.)

  2. #20

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,082

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    Hey Mel - you did a great job! OMG it gets hard when they noise level is set so high. I find it really distressing sometimes and I can't think clearly, so I feel your pain...

    But the best thing is you found something that works. Trust yourself girl!

  3. #21
    DoubleK Guest

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    i know this wasnt my thread.. but i am taking so much in from it!
    Sushee your reply was fantastic, thank you!

    i think im going to approach Krystal differently... i am sick of saying no all day, but i feel i have to.
    maybe i need to concentrate more on the situation, rather than just lose patience, who knows we might make progress!!

  4. #22

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Sunny Qld
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    14,694

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    Rach - you thread stealer you

    If I can help someone else with my problems then I'll keep posting my whinges.. lol

  5. #23
    paradise lost Guest

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    My DD also sometimes cracks it when she's been sleeping too long. Her dad is the same way, he doesn't live with us so maybe it's genetic

    I ignore her crying, but i don't ignore HER if that makes sense. I offer all the usual things i ALWAYS offer when she wakes up (drink/snack/books/toys) and if she is screaming and chucking stuff then i just pop in and out with whatever i was doing anyway so i am around but not feeding into her distress (i too find that the tantrums spin out a LOT longer if i sit and sympathise). She tends to get over it quite quickly if i am present but not too concerned about the screeching. She tries to hit if i try to hug when she's upset and rather than make her submit to obviously unwanted hugs and THEN get a telling off for hitting i just don't try until she comes to me for hugs (she knows i never refuse a request for huggles), then she gets giant hugs and kisses.

    She also loves to mess in the fridge and the bathroom, so i keep both locked. I am not wasting my time or energy saying again and again that she can't go in there.

    I'm not sure about developmentally because i don't read parenting manuals, but DD when she was 20months would throw things about and scream and scream (no tears) and when i asked what was wrong would ball her fists against her eyes and shout "CRYIN!" at me, so i'm pretty sure she knew that crying would get a reaction, though i didn't and don't discount the possibility that she NEEDED a reaction and wasn't able to articulate the real problem.

    Bx

  6. #24

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Ipswich
    Posts
    135

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    The best distraction I have with my 2.5 yr old is ... "can you please come here and HELP mummy do this or that"... He loves to "help". It could be as simple as putting his pyjamas on or packing up his toys but as soon as I use the word "help" he is so there and he even has a smile on his face. He is also one that wakes up really really grumpy so an early distraction seems to make his day a lot better. I can understand how frustrating it is, I cannot stand crying / screaming to get attention!! how annoying.

    xxoo

  7. #25
    DoubleK Guest

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    mickyndan, thats great you have a magic word!! i need to get me one of those!

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