You must be going insane right now trying to deal with this. I feel so lucky to have a partner who sleeps on a mattress on the floor so me and DD can have the double bed to ourselves lol.
I have absolutely no idea what you can do about this.
I'm sure this has already been mentioned, but there are some articles on this website that he should have a look at this. If you ask me, this "controlled crying" is a step backwards into the times of "tough love" for babies, because "babies are greedy and selfish and need to be taught otherwise." (My MIL says things like this to me and I just want to go off!) Point being, hopefully you can convince the husband to read some of the information on this site.
The thing is, the parents (particularly the main care giver - usually the mother) are the first experience of trust a baby has. Babies don't cry because they want something, they cry because they need something (even if it's just a cuddle or some attention), and when you respond to their crying promptly, they learn that they can trust you, and that they are worthwhile people who will be taken care of. People who have parents who respond to their babies properly have a more positive outlook of the world and believe that generally, people are good. They withstand the hard knocks of life better because its built into their brains that the bad stuff is unusual, its not the norm. They also have the confidence to leap over the hurdles in their life. (A counselor friend of mine told me all of this).
People think that when they let their baby cry, their baby has self-soothed. This is rubbish, the baby hasn't self-soothed at all, it has given up. Baby has realized that no matter what she/he does, no one will come and help them and attend to their needs. They withdraw because they learn that they are alone and vulnerable in the world. Apart from the emotional and psychological consequences, its dangerous! What if baby is crying because he/she is in danger? Or what if she/he's hungry? Should a baby just go without food or a clean nappy or extra warmth/less blankets, or be in pain from teething with no relief or comfort?
Ugh. CC is a terrible practice. I really hope you can get this sorted out. I don't know what he's like but if you can, i think you should put your foot down over this. It's just so important.
edit:
I've just read through this thread again and I am really concerned, hey. I absolutely wouldn't leave my baby with my DP if he did this. I mean its one thing to let them whinge for a minute and wait and see if they fall back to sleep (when they're older than a month old, pls!), but even advocates of CC don't recommend you leave a baby who needs food, warmth, new nappy etc. to cry!
I really think that you should do anything and everything necessary to look after your child and not let him railroad your parenting anymore. And if that means that you sleep with your baby in a different room (in a bed of course - sofa co-sleeping is dangerous), or better yet, HE sleeps in another room, then you should do it. If he absolutely won't allow you to take care of your daughter, I would find other accomodation until he comes to his senses. I'm sure that sounds like a huge overreaction but the first two years are THE most crucial time for a baby's development, particulary emotional and psychological development. He could do a lot of damage if you let him. Not to mention the effect that this is having on you.
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