Velcro baby support group!

[Jaycee]

I'm in need of support from other mummies who know what it's like to have a Velcro baby!

DS2 is 4 months old and has been this way since birth, he seems to be getting worse, not better!

He will not sleep in his cot, at all. All day sleeps are either in my arms or in the car or occasionally his pram while we are out. At night he sleeps with me, I've given up trying to put him in his cot.

During the day I might get 5-10 mins at a time maybe 3-4 times a day where he's happy for me to put him in his swing or jolly jumper, this allows me to get the essentials done like feed the rest of the family etc but not much time for anything else.

I used to carry him around in the sling all day but now his legs hang too low for it to be comfy and he's also starting to get a little too heavy for me.

When did it get easier? When was your little one happy to spend some time independant of you?

I love my little man to bits and will keep doing what we are doing until he is ready but I guess I really just need to know I'm not alone!

[nickle730]

Me!! Me!!

Miss P should have been Miss V! My co-sleeping, chest napping, booby loving bub. I actually checked the other day to make sure someone remembered to cut the umbilical cord...

She's so easy - as long as I'm holding her!

Miss P is 9 months now and has just started crawling. She's happy on the floor for about 5 minutes, as long as she can see me. I figure once she gets faster and more mobile I might get my left arm back! On a positive note, there's not much I can't do one handed! (I can even undo a belt, take my pants down, toilet, wipe, pull up pants, redo belt and flush - all with one hand! It's a talent...!)

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

so ive typed and deleted so many times because i just feel so bad for feeling the way i do but here goes...


my DD2 only wants ME and i'm really not coping with it....DD1 was a 'dream baby', went to anyone, didn't need me in her face and was a happy baby. DD2, has, pretty much from birth, screamed at anyone who is not me (this includes my DH). granted she did have severe reflux, and i was her comfort tool, but she was treated for the reflux and we seemed to turn a corner when she hit 5 months and would (finally) go to her Daddy....fast forward to now and we've gone back to the screaming episodes. i cant even go to the toilet now without her losing the plot....and not just a whinging cry, but full blown, screaming, snotty, sweaty face inconsolable and lots and lots of tears until i pick her up. the only time i get away from her (nice aren't i?) is when she is asleep....she will sleep in her cot and has done from 5 months so not really too sure what that's about, but during her waking hours, its me me me she wants....she pretty much lives in her Ergo with me, but i. am. struggling. i really cannot stand it and am starting to resent her (which i know is a horrible horrible thing to say)...i feel like i spend next to no time with DD1 as DD2 is so demanding and i miss that 1:1 with DD1.....i really sound like a horrible person but i just needed to off load to ppl who understand.....so thanks for letting me vent...hmmm...maybe i should've posted this in the boo hoo thread

[JLeigh29]

Negrita - I hear you! I used to spend a lot of his awake time hanging out for nap times, and then feeling guilty for wanting him to go to sleep! Do you take DD into the toilet with you? DS comes with me but still cracks it and cries about 85% of the time. As for nap times, I now 'schedule' 20 mins or so 'me' time as soon as DS goes down for a nap. Some days I just sit with a cuppa, some days I read or do my nails - as long as it's something that I choose. It makes me feel like I'm in control iykwim. Please don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I think your feelings are legitimate. And you are not alone in having them.

My other tip as I said in a pp, is to try to just go with what your LO wants. The more I try to do other stuff or wish I had a little more freedom, the worse I feel. The more I include DS in my everyday routine, the happier we both are - he seems to almost forget for a while that he's not actually attached to me if he has something to occupy him! And, things have improved SOOOOO much in the last few months, so hang in there. I try to work out the things we can do together (even if it takes three or four times longer than it usually would) and do those when DS is awake. The other stuff I do when he's asleep. He sits on the kitchen bench while I prepare dinner. He hands me the cutlery/pegs when I empty the dishwasher/hang the clothes (or just plays with the pegs). I also find if I say something like "You can help Mummy fold the clothes or you can play with your blocks next to me" then get out his blocks, put them right next to me and help him 'start' playing that he'll play for a few minutes (with me constantly talking to him). I know your DD is younger than my DS, so is probably a little young to 'get' some of the above, but if you start now, she might respond in time....maybe

[LuluHB]

Its hard work isn't it. My DD2 was a serious velcro baby. Still is to a certain extent and no, I won't tell you how old she is cos we'll keep this positive!! It was a huge shock for me because DD1 was such an easy going baby who was happy to go to anyone and everyone.

I found a big improvement in losing the limpet for longer periods when she got mobile. She was still extremely clingy, but much improved. FWIW, DD2 when she's not having one of her clingy periods is by far the more independent of my two girls.

ETA: Absolutely right about increased skills. I never would have thought I could go to the toilet one-handed before DD2 came along

[Sterla]

DD is an afternoon Velcro baby... I cannot put her down in the afternoons, she has to sleep on mr. Not quite full time, but like you said Jaycee, seems to be getting worse not better!

[forshelby]

I'm with you sister, lol.

My velcro baby is attached to me as I type this. I'd say more, but he's wiggling around in the sling and making things a bit difficult... Back later!

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Negrita - I hear you! I used to spend a lot of his awake time hanging out for nap times, and then feeling guilty for wanting him to go to sleep! Do you take DD into the toilet with you? DS comes with me but still cracks it and cries about 85% of the time. As for nap times, I now 'schedule' 20 mins or so 'me' time as soon as DS goes down for a nap. Some days I just sit with a cuppa, some days I read or do my nails - as long as it's something that I choose. It makes me feel like I'm in control iykwim. Please don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I think your feelings are legitimate. And you are not alone in having them.

My other tip as I said in a pp, is to try to just go with what your LO wants. The more I try to do other stuff or wish I had a little more freedom, the worse I feel. The more I include DS in my everyday routine, the happier we both are - he seems to almost forget for a while that he's not actually attached to me if he has something to occupy him! And, things have improved SOOOOO much in the last few months, so hang in there. I try to work out the things we can do together (even if it takes three or four times longer than it usually would) and do those when DS is awake. The other stuff I do when he's asleep. He sits on the kitchen bench while I prepare dinner. He hands me the cutlery/pegs when I empty the dishwasher/hang the clothes (or just plays with the pegs). I also find if I say something like "You can help Mummy fold the clothes or you can play with your blocks next to me" then get out his blocks, put them right next to me and help him 'start' playing that he'll play for a few minutes (with me constantly talking to him). I know your DD is younger than my DS, so is probably a little young to 'get' some of the above, but if you start now, she might respond in time....maybe

Thanks hun - on a good day i can get to the loo on my own, but usually DD2 is with me, in the Ergo. I do include her in my everyday activities (cooking, washing etc), i mean she practically lives in the Ergo on me, i just don't like it but it keeps her from screaming like a banshee, so i do what i have to do! I just feel like i neglect my DD1 because DD2 is so demanding. my Dh works afternoon shift (3-11pm) so im on my own for the feral hours and thats when i find it the hardest....i know she won't always be like this (at least thats what im telling myself!!) and mostly i do just try to go with whatever she wants, but i just feel so blah sometimes

New Velcro baby here!! Ds is only two weeks but I can already see the same old pattern forming!! Great great great night sleeper in fact I get a good 7 hour stretch out of him. But means he cluster feeds and cat naps pretty much all day long!! I have never gotten the hang of baby wearing so it makes it very frustrating when needing to do daily tasks and tend to my other 3 boys!!

Big hun, its hardwork isn't it?! i've only got 2 DD's and im struggling, so i don't know how you do it with a newborn plus your additional 3!!! - what kind of carrier have you got?

[KimB]

Only just seen this thread. I to have a velcro baby. DD4 is terrible. My arm muscles are huge now from carrying her everywhere lol. She likes to sleep on me (won't do it anywhere else), has to constantly be with me and if not being carried then being fed. Even if I can get Miss P to sleep, the moment I put her down she wakes up because I'm not holding her any longer. Even at night she follows me around the bed. If she can't touch me then she wakes up. I'm hoping this phase doesn't last long. I still have 2 others 4 and under to look after as well as my older kids :rollseyes:

[nickle730]

Oh, Kim! I know that bit about following you around the bed! My Miss P is exactly the same... and if she isn't touching me she wakes up and cries until she is!

I am finding days slightly easier. Now that Miss P is mobile (crawling) she is a bit happier to play on the floor at my feet for a few minutes... as long as she is no further than 2 metres from me! She'll even sit on the floor of the toilet at home instead of on my lap!

[Babyluv]

Yes my dd was like this, I just held her because it was either that or she wouldn't sleep. She had bad refulx so was held pretty much constantly as a newborn and I think it stemmed from then. I used to put her in the ergo so that I could clean the house, otherwise nothing got done. She wanted to be held almost 24/7. As she has gotten older she has become alot happier to do her own thing. Other than a bit of separation anxiety lately she is usually happy to play on her own, put herself to sleep etc. She seems to have done everything in her own time. She is a super cuddly baby now which I love. It will get better

[zap]

All three of mine where Velcro babies and I have no doubt this one will be too! I used to get stupid comments like oohhh that's not good you spoil him. That's not good you should let him cry. I even got one stupid women saying I should stop bf because ds3 was too clingy. But you know what? I am proud of it now after all I AM their mumma if they don't feel safe and content with me well then who? It does get better. My boys are only clingy when they are sick now. I must admit I do still co sleep sometimes with all of them! But I doubt they will be still doing that in their twenties!! ) (god I hope not)

[Arimeh]

I've currently got my sleeping velcro baby in my arms cos its the only way she will sleep.

I just take a seat on the couch and let her sleep, cos I can yell at the other kids just as good if I'm sitting down as I can if I'm standing.......

I'm trying not to let it bother me THAT much, it won't last forever, and she's my last one.

[nickle730]

Bonus! I just managed the nip and slip on the bed and got a WHOLE 15 minutes before Miss P realised she was not attached to me and woke up. Long enough to slam a sandwich in my gob... I no complain!!

[Butterfly Dawn]

How do you get baby in a carseat?

DS1 is stil very emotional. I think its just some types of people. DS2 wasnt very emotional as a baby but is now and stil would be happy to be held all day every day if anybody was willing but kindy has helped that a bit.
Just got DD to sleep while she lay on the bed with me next to her! We'll see how long she sleeps for though- hope long enough for me to mop the floors

[JLeigh29]

Dannii - DS is VERY emotional as well! That's exactly it! He gets really upset, really quickly, over little things. He's much more gentle and soft than his friends - he doesn't throw his toys, doesn't touch other children, doesn't take things off other children, not into climbing.

We had a play date yesterday and his friend stood near him (he was in his highchair, friend on the floor) and he just LOST it. Every time another child comes near him, he tenses up, gets distraught and clings to me. When he hears our neighbour raise her voice, he tenses up. When another kid 'throws' a toy while playing, not AT him, just away as in 'finished with that, what's next?!' (as all 16 month olds - except DS - do) he hates it. All these things make him clingy for ages afterwards. I feel bad that seeing other children seems so anxiety ridden for him, but I am hoping that by continuing to do it in small doses with me there to support him, he'll gradually improve.
We do a lot of talking about how it's ok to play on the other side of the room without mummy being right there, or it's ok to go 2m away to get a toy and come straight back. We also talk lots about friends and what they do (friends might want to play with a toy you have, they might sit/walk/stand near you, they might even touch you - and all of that is ok) and I always tell him where we're going and who we're going to see, and what kinds of things we could be doing before a play date (mummy might sit down and you might run around on the grass in front of her, mummy might push you on the swing, *insert name* might want to play with your ball and that would be ok because he's your friend etc). He has an awesome understanding of feelings, can sense if someone is upset and empathises very well too. Gee, I think DS is much more than a velcro baby too! But he's my perfect little guy and I wouldn't change him for anything.

DT - DS is usually pretty good in his carseat. We have a fave toy or two in the car, but he now knows he has to put his arm through the seatbelt before he gets it (or swap hands if it's a small toy). I don't do any more than two stops on an outing or getting him back in the carseat can be a hassle. I also make sure he's had at least one chance to walk/move about before he goes back in the car rather than go straight from carseat to stroller to car seat again (though it's rare he goes in the stroller at all!).

[JLeigh29]

DS is a limpet! When he was a newborn he had to be held ALL the time unless he was asleep or being bounced in his bouncer. The sling didn't work as it wasn't close enough. When he got to about 5 or 6 months, he started to enjoy our little walks in the pram as long as we kept moving, and from about 7 months he'd even fall asleep in there (though would wake up as soon as it stopped moving!). DS's sleep times were the only time I got to be more than a few metres away from him up until a couple of months ago.

When he could sit, things improved in that I could sit with him rather than having to hold him, but still had to carry him every time I moved (even if it was just across the room!). When he started crawling, he'd follow me around, then cling to my leg until I picked him up. Same for when he started walking. People used to tell me he'd be 'happier' once he could crawl/walk etc but it wasn't until after he turned one, he started becoming a bit more independent. I don't think it had anything to do with being more mobile, it was more of a developmental and understanding thing.

He will happily play for 5 or so minutes right next to me or DH now, but does still spend most of his 'independent play time' sitting on my lap, iykwim. He still grabs us and pulls us along to play with him or show him something, but once or twice a day he will wander off and play by himself for up to 20 minutes. He will also usually play in the lounge by himself while I am in there folding washing. He's absolutely fine if it's his idea to move away, but still gets upset if we're the ones who have to go and he doesn't want us to.

Basically, my little man wants to be wherever we are. The more he's included, the happier he is. The happier he is, the less of a limpet he is. That 1/2 metre gap seems like a kilometre when you've spent 12 months connected to him, lol! I'm used to going to the toilet with him now (he's at the age where he's pointing and asking about everything now so it's like a running commentary...'mummy is doing a wee'...'mummy is pulling her pants up'....'mummy is flushing' :reface and having him around while I do the housework - he plays with the pegs or hands them to me, gets the washing out of the machine, sits on the bench while I chop veggies, plays in his 'special' cupboard while I do the washing up etc. He's also great with a dustpan and brush or sponge....

My brother and his partner have just had a baby and I was amazed when we visited to be greeted at the door by mum and dad and bub was in the bouncer around the corner, awake but not screaming! It didn't compute...

[luna moth]

Limpet. lol.

Someone spilled superglue on me, I think. Little girl is sick, which doesn't help (if she's well, I get 3 or 4 30 minute bursts per day in which to do stuff.) but, yeah, I own 9 different baby carriers for a reason!