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Thread: First Baby ,Travel and Family Reunion in 2 weeks!

  1. #1

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    Default First Baby ,Travel and Family Reunion in 2 weeks!

    I need some advice as I am a first time mum in March... All my family are having a massive reunion over Easter and it is around 5 hours away. Our Baby is due march 8 and Easter this year is the 21st...so not too long between events.
    i am slightly concerned for a few reasons... 1) lots of family members around
    2) Having to stay with the in-laws
    3) Travelling away from home when bubs is so young
    4) This being my first, what if I can't cope?
    Should I give it a miss? My Hubby thinks it might be a good idea not to go..any ideas from experienced mums would be welcomed greatly. What would you do?


  2. #2

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    Firstly congrats on your pg!!

    TBH....last year we went away for easter and DD1 was only 4 weeks old. She handled the travelling well (VIC to NSW 11 hours). We made sure we stopped every 3-4 hours for feeds and to get her out of the car seat.

    Reason:
    1. Newborns are ok with lotsa of people (well mine was). The issue may be that alot of people also means pass the parcel AKA bub and bub may get over stimulated. This could cause problems sleep wise. Some babies are in a routine of some form too..so possibly upset that.

    2. Staying with IL's is never fun...but you some how manage!!

    3. Travelling....as i said DD1 was great...but not all babies are the travelling type.

    4. Being your first you may or may not cope with so much attention. Its a full on thing with lots of people around, your learnign about bub, yourself and getting the hang of being a mum!

    To me....i went at xmaz cos it ment i got to see my family and cos they are so far away it ment alot to spend a festive season with them. I was ok with the trip and attention. But it comes down to you having to feel ok with going. Perhaps when bub is a bit older you can have a get together at a later date?

    Not to be a downer....but you cant tell when bub will arrive....so its possible u may go post dates too..so take that into consideration. For your sake i hope you dont go post dates! DD1 for me came 3 days early...DD2 was 5 days post dates!

    Good Luck!!

  3. #3

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    All depends on how you think you will cope as its a family thing it WILL be past the baby around and lotand lot of advise so if thats not your cup of tea then I would give it a miss.

    I traveled with DS when he was 3 weeks old from sydney to melb he went well in the car just lots of feeding stops, but as Kim said not all babies are good travelers

    what happens if you are past due date you havent got much time on your side as if you were 2 weeks late then you will be having a very young baby with you and I dont think I would like to take a week old on a trip as your milk will be only just comming in.

    Go and ask your midwife what she thinks of the idea she might be able to give you an idea. find out how long over they let you go as up here they let you go 3 weeks!!!!!!

    If I was you I would just play it by ear if baba comes when its ment to then see how you feel at the time as you may not be up to it or you might feel great a really want to go a show off your new baby.

    good luck

  4. #4

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    if there is anyway to decide once bub is born then i would do that. you really can't guess how you will feel, as u really have no idea until bubs arrives... also depends what sort of labour and birth experience you have, if u have a csection etc etc and how well you recover....

    i really couldn't even cope with visitors let alone being away from home with the entire family, but that was just me, i had post traumatic stress looking back and was in a right mess for the first 3-4 months.

    you might cope famously well, and if so, you might decide to go.... but if you aren't sure i definitely wouldn't commit to going. all the advice and people telling you what to do etc can really shake your confidence in those first few weeks and do your head in - and there would be no escape!!

    also if you go past your due date you may have only just had the baby and still be in hospital come easter... good luck whatever you decide.

  5. #5

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    My first thought was dont go!

    I only say that because we had a big family party (MILs 60th) to go to when Claire about 7 weeks old and OMG it was awful. I was still in pain (my tailbone) at the time from the birth. Sitting down was still quite uncomfortable and the car trip was only 2 hours. But IMO it was 2 hours too long!

    So we get there around 2pm and EVERYONE wanted to hold her and they kept just coming up to us and taking her and passing her around, even though it was clear she was tired. I was so angry. Fuming, in fact. I just wanted to tell them all to bugger off.

    They wanted us to do these stupid family portraits before the party, so we're standing on a vineyard in the freezing cold at sunset having frickin pictures taken while Claire was screaming because of being passed around ('so-and-so wants a picture with her') and she wanted milk and they werent giving her back to me. So I take her and walk off so I can sit down and feed her and they all come over and watch and ask when she is going to be finished because they havent finished taking the photos. Whats more important?? MY daughter being warm and fed, or your photos? All I wanted to do was curl up with my girl and cuddle her and give her milk. So she finshes her feed and they want to give her to the four-year-olds to hold for some photos. I was reluctant, but DH wanted to so I said ok. To top it off, I didnt even get to hold my own daughter for the stupid photos - MIL insisted on it and wouldnt let it go. I felt so small. I hated being there.

    Then we go back to their place for a while where there is more passing around while I am saying she needs to sleep but they were being a-holes and not listening. So then off we go to the party (this is about 3 hours after the photos) and they are playing really loud music and Claire is really unsettled. Anyway, people keep annoying us and I eventually cracked it and went outside and sat in the car for the second half of the party, missing all the speeches (not that it bothered me because I didnt even want to be there in the first place).

    Anyways.. sorry I blabbed on for so long. I was basiclly trying to sy that I thought it would be ok to go, but it turned out to be a bad idea in my case. I hated being there and I hated how everyone was just all over my girl and wouldnt leave us alone, wouldnt give me any privacy etc.

    I guess its so hard knowing how you will be, especilly if its your first bub. Can you just wait until your bub is born or until a week or so before the reunion before you give a definte answer? Its a bit harsh for them to expect you to give a definate answer now considering your position..? anyway, thats my opinion.

  6. #6

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    karina that is exactly how i would have felt, you poor thing, there is nothing worse... i bet now you think, with your second, how different you will be right? i know i think now when i have another i wont give a dam about offending anyone, if i want my baby i will demand my baby and if i dont feel like giving her to someone to hold i will just say it.... ive actually gone as far to already say that i will take visitors on the first day in hospital, but after that strictly NO VISITORS, except my DP and DD... (oh i am nowhere near trying to conceive, just getting in early!!)

    the thing is, you imagine yourself being so relaxed, but when your baby comes along its amazing how people take over, and being a first time mum you don't seem to have the confidence to tell people 'NO'.... or to put your foot down and say no, the four year olds aren't holding her, and no, she's tired now give her back etc..... that was a huge shock to me, that i suddenly felt powerless around all these 'experienced' well meaning people that have no idea how much they stood on your toes. of course i'd probably say it a bit politer than that, but stern nonetheless. oh the second time round things are going to be so different!! :-)
    ooops thread hijack, sorry...... at least you are getting some real insights though, hehe.

  7. #7

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    Emma, I'm definately not going to worry about offending people next time. The same people I whinged about above also went so far as to try guilt tripping me because I didnt want to go out for a couple hour on my own and leave girl there with them. I didnt go, but gosh did they go on and on about it! I do definately wish I was more assertive and had the balls to just tell them what I think!! My little thing for next time is that NO ONE is to be called and given "updates" while I am in labour and NO ONE is to visit without ringing me first or without me specifically inviting them. I'm even thinking of telling people we're going to a different hospital so that they'll be stuffed if they show up uninvited (at the other hospital) and I'm not there. It will be especially satisfying if they have travelled a long distance and I am not there. Serves them right! haha I am mean. (I only want to do that because people showed up uninvited and wouldnt leave this time). I am still thinking of some good plans fr when we are home from hospital too. Anyways, we arent TTC but I just lke to plan ahead!

    Sorry to go off topic there..
    But seriously, 7 weeks after my girls birth I was still so emotional and the overcrowdyness of a big family thing was just too much for me. But everyone is different nd others may feel great afterwrds and like all the family 'helping' - I personally like to do things on my own.The thing people said really played with my emotions and confidence because some people were saying I should not have done "this and that" to the point where I felt guilty and doubted myself . Im sure that happens to lots of people. I didnt imagine tht I would feel that way so it ws a shock! so I just wanted to be left alone.

    omg sorry again for the ramble!

  8. #8

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    My instinct is to say no too. I think Karina's post covers many reasons why, and I would also say that those first few weeks are really hard in terms of finding your feet as parents, getting into some sort of routine (no matter how loose it is, there is always some semblance of a routine). It is also a matter of gaining confidence with feeding, bathing etc, and to no have time to do this together by yourselves at the beginning to me seems very daunting. In fact TBH, even going out to the shops in the first few weeks can be daunting. I'd be giving yourselves some time to settle in before taking a trip.

  9. #9

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    That's just it! I find it hard to say no to people at the best of times!!!! . I mentioned not going to Mum and she just found excuses for everything I said, like "I went away when your brother was young" and "you will be fine, it's in your genes" ...(very frustrating). but I now understand that our baby is now our priority and it''s them we need to please not everyone else!!! Thanks everyone...

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