Oh Nic. TBH I probably would have done the same (including some yelling :/ ) I think what you did is ok, perhaps we just cut down on the yelling hehe I'm totally not for re-preparing food for a toddler, nor preparing different food for a toddler. And I don't think giving them undivided attention during a tantrum does anyone any favours either.
Sounds like he calmed himself down in his room, so I say you handled it ok but yeah, less yelling.. that goes for me too LOL - tho we don't have many tantrums.
It reminds me of a friend who's daughter was a tantrum chucker.. anyway, she had cut the sandwich in triangles instead of squares, or something stupid like that, and this set off a MASSIVE tantrum. They ended up outside yelling at each other in the garden. LOL - fancy arguing with a toddler like that! Think they were both tantruming! heheheh.
I think you did the right thing. Maybe a little less yelling if you think you went overboard, but your DS needs to learn that it's not the end of the world and that he was over reacting. In going into his room ne calmed down thought about what happened and seems to have realised it wasn't the worst thing in the world and ate his food. Fodd is to eat and not a toy, yes he has some choice, but only to an extent. I agree with Liz on the food and the attention/tantrum things. I think you did a good job!!
This sounds exactly like what happens in our house on a regular basis, be it over banana not presented in the skin like a monkey, toast cut into sqaures rather than triangles, milk put on the rice bubbles when she doesn't want milk .... the list goes on!
My response is fairly similar to yours. I calmly talk to her and ask if that's how she asks for something which generally calms her down enough to say "I don't want milk please mummy" so if she does that then I will generally change it (unless of course the request it totally unreasonable). If she continues with the screaming and tantrum then I will tell her she's in the corner if she doesn't stop it. If she doesn't stop it then she goes in the corner until she has calmed down and is ready to say sorry.
I try to remain calm and reasonable but I do sometimes end up yelling at her which isn't ideal - they really know how to push your buttons don't they?
wow I thought Jacob was the only child who "freaked" out over food not presented properly.. One day he might be happy to have it cut in half and others not..
I didn't want to re prepare his food as I thought that wasn't really teaching him anything. Its not like the food was spoiled (eg wrong sauce )
He came and sat with me not long ago and I said I wanted to talk about lunch time and straight up he just said sorry mummy. So he must know what he was doing and realise how silly it was..
Anyways glad I'm not the only one that yells. I feel like I am at time. Especially when its a busy time and he just starts..
Liz: LOL at your friend. I think both needed a time out
Nic. DS1 is not a "tanty" child at all, but sometimes does this - he might get upset at me cutting something the wrong way, or even just that I cut it. On occassion it has even because the slice of bread had a hole in it! What is it with food and 3yos???
I think the best way to handle it is to basically ignore it. I see it as a power struggle, so it's best not to buy into it. I might try to distract him and then hope he forgets the problem and just eats it, or otherwise just calmly say to him that that's his meal, he can eat it or get down and go to bed.
Now, having said that, it's a great theory, but definitely easier said than done! Usually they are good at picking a time when you are already stressed, so staying calm is almost impossible. But the theory is good. So I guess if there is a next time (and hopefully there won't be), see if you can try it. And if you do get upset, don't feel bad. They know how to push buttons at that age, and I guarantee you that there is not a mum in the world who can stay calm through all these storms! GL.
Oh Nic, my DD is only 2 1/2 and sometimes we have these kinds of tantys as well (generally hers!).
What works for me is to remember she's tired/hungry/sensitive because she's just gotten over another tanty and I am able to control myself better than her (most of the time!).
Another thing that works for us is to involve her in as much of the decision making process as possible. Honestly, sometimes it is frustrating having to 'consult' her, but I try to remind myself that she gets NO control over most things.
So I get her to choose the colour plate she has (offer 2 choices), whether she would like a spoon or a fork, bring me her bib/which bib does she want, her drink to refill, how would she like the bread cut, what piece of fruit would she like when she has finished, what story would she like when lunch is over, etc, etc. If I can I get her to help or to show me how she would like me to do it.
Soooo time consuming, but then, so are tantrums!
PS And I am not a short-order cook - if after all of that, or at least some/most of it!, DD changes her mind or loses it at the table, I remind her that if she isn't finished when I am (or in a reasonable time frame) when I get up from the table, her lunch is also over and is removed. No consequences except for hunger (if even that, sometimes I think she really didn't feel like much).
it can be pretty hard keeping your cool.
I try and learn from the tanties so as not to trigger them again. Like Jennifer I try to involve my boys in making their own food. Yasin can be really funny about presentaion so I ask him how many peices he wants his sandwich cut into (and get creative when he says three *sigh*) and what he wants on it and I do the same with Imran. It can get tricky when they have totally differant wants but they are both pretty resigned to deciding things with eenie, meenie, minie, moe (I rig it - it always ends on the opposite to the one it started on hehehe, so if one is on a shorter fuse they usually 'win').
Losing it every now and then is only human and IMO it can be turned to a positive cause - you can use it to set an example of apologising and explain that it's only normal to get angry sometimes but we have to make sure that we don't hurt other people with our anger.
I definitely agree with the choice thing too. The trouble is usually when I'm doing mulitple things at once (like breakfast for DS1, breakfast for DS2, eating my breakfast and making lunches for day care all at the same time). Sometimes I forget to ask.....
I'm totally not for re-preparing food for a toddler, nor preparing different food for a toddler. And I don't think giving them undivided attention during a tantrum does anyone any favours either.
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Nic. DS1 is not a "tanty" child at all, but sometimes does this - he might get upset at me cutting something the wrong way, or even just that I cut it. On occassion it has even because the slice of bread had a hole in it! What is it with food and 3yos???
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