Arte - totally know where you are coming from with it affecting your relationship. We have always had a pretty good routine with DD, but she started just slightly pushing the boundaries until before we knew it, it was taking 30 minutes before she would go to sleep (not as long as you, but still not good). Lots of silly requests extending it out as long as she could. She was staying in the bed though.

We just told her that mummy and daddy would check on her once after she went to bed and that was it (talked about it all day too so it was definitely in her head). The first night we both checked on her. She kept whinging. I stood in the doorway and said we were not coming in again and she had to go to sleep. Then we sat on the couch. After about 15 minutes, she had got out of bed and was sitting on the floor in the bathroom behind the cabinet. We put her back to bed and since then bedimes have been pretty much perfect. I was surprised at how relatively easy it was (although I know some people wouldn't agree).

I think you will need to do the gate thing so he can't get out of the room. Still check on him, but try and stretch the timing out a bit and minimise any cuddles etc. I know what you mean about talking about mummy being sad, that's not working for us with the middle of the night wakeups. I agree with you through, I don't like the idea of just shutting the door on them

Also try the star chart, that worked pretty well with his other behavioural issues didn't it?

good luck