How long did it take for you to find your groove with second baby?

[sloane]

i'm wondering the same thing but have been watching some friends in the last year to get an idea as well!! i have one friend who is the most organised person i know (she got sick of her frozen meals she cooked during PG before they ran out ) and even she said in the first few weeks she called her mum to say 'i just don't think i can do this'. but 6 months on she looks like a complete natural & i reckon she was there easily by 10-12 weeks.

i'm trying to mentally prepare myself that it will be a while - i took 6 weeks with DS to feel close to 'normal' again & i'm expecting longer this time!!

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Subbing as well. I was going to post a similar thread but this one would be able to answer some of the same questions.

[Charlotte91]

Interested. There's going to be 19 months between DD and Beez. I'm very very very nervous.
Most of my nerves is because Beez is (fingers crossed) going to be full term and healthy. DD was already in a routine and feeding routine when we finally got her home at nearly 7 weeks old.

[Heaven]

Very quickly!

I was stressed out thinking it would be like when DD1 was born but it was SO much easier. I think it's just coz you're more confident. With DD1 it was a big lifestyle change. With DD2, well, our life was already changed and she just fit right in. Just took a couple of weeks to get used to the new normal, but it all seemed very easy and relaxed

[raffy]

There's a groove? DS2 is 14 weeks and we still haven't quite got it, however as he gets older it is slowly but surely getting easier, having said that we still, quite oftenly, have our 'moments' DS1 loves attention and with DS2 being a huge Velcro baby and having reflux and wind issues he isn't the happiest baby so poor DS1 gets neglected a little, and being only 17 months old he doesn't understand why but as I said, with DS2 getting older and being able to interact more, and us being able to see the signs of wind, reflux, tiredness ect. quite easily and therefore being able to settle him quicker, it's easier to handle them both. You just do what you have to do because, well, you don't have another choice. I work everything else around their naps, so when they are awake I can give them my undivided attention. DS1 naps once a day for at least an hour and DS2 still has 3 or 4 decent naps a day so they tend to sleep at the same time at least once so that's when I get in a little bit of cleaning, dishes done/dishwasher stacked and dinner on the go, but always make sure I have some 'me' time, even just 15 minutes to sit and do nothing, regenerate for the afternoon shenanigans. And I also rely on my hubby and mum a lot as much as I hate to admit it because it makes me feel some what like a failure, but I definately appreciate their help. I agree that carriers have been my lifesaver, means DS2 is happy coz he's being held and I have 2 hands free for DS1. I'm also a lot more confident the second time around, even though DS1 had no issues and was a happy bub and still is. He also makes it easier by being able to play with his toys or read books as I feed DS2 and he puts himself to sleep so that's something else I don't have to worry about. It definately would be ALOT easier if DS2 was just as cruisey

[LuluHB]

DD2 had significant health issues so TBH "routine" was never something that happened for us. I also had a 12 month old who was a very bad sleeper/settler at the time too.

The first few months weren't fun, but the turning point for me was when I just sort of gave in to it all - threw the idea of routines and schedules out the window, gave up trying to settle DD2 down for a sleep etc. DD1 still had her sleep (such as it was) when she was used to having it and DD2 usually fell asleep while bfeeding on me at the same time I was settling DD1 in bed. Our days got a lot easier. With the issues we had with DD2, DH had to really step in with DD1 and do a heap of stuff with her so I could concentrate on DD2. I had a few times where I would just thrust DD2 at him and leave him with a screaming baby so I could spend some time with DD1. DD2 also spent a considerable amount of time in a sling or ergo so I could do things with DD1.

I'm hoping this time around with significantly older siblings life will be a whole lot easier, but its really so reliant on the character of the little person who comes into your life. A happy, easy going baby and you're laughing. I really want to know who I have to pay to get me one of them ;-)

[Jellyfish]

I actually found it quite easy. Going from no baby to DD1 was a nightmare, I don't think I woke up from the fog for a good 6 months but she was a very demanding baby. Fed frequently, didn't settle easily and never slept long... I'm just thankful she started sleeping through at 2yrs 7months, just before DD2 arrived. DD2 is a dream baby, I've even had times when I put her down to go pee and come back to her asleep! DD1 NEVER did that, I still can't imagine her falling asleep independantly as she is still fed to sleep lol. I was aprehensive the first day I had with them alone but that was it, same for our first outing just the three of us but it really only took a couple of days to feel comfortable with the new normal. I think if I had of had DD2 first and then DD1 it would be a very, very, VERY different story as I would have had such unrealistic expectations of DD1 after experiencing DD2. DD2 is the perfect second child, low maintenance and very engaging (smiley, babbly... DD1 never babbled because of her speech issues) which is great for the bonding between them and us too.

I think the age gap helped also. DD1 is able to assist with things, I can reason with her to an extent (DD2 needs to feed a lot so she can grow muscles to play with you and such), she can play independantly for short periods, knows how to get water or food, I don't need a double pram to go out, close to toilet training so just one in nappies are the few things I can think off the top of my head that help.

The other thing that helped I suppose is I was mostly a single parent with DD1 (officially from 6months but I might as well have been the entire time) whereas I have so much support from DP this time it just feels completely less overwhelming in comparrison. Plus being the second, you sort of know what you're in for and I was mentally preparing for another DD1 so DD2 was a pleasant surprise in her laid back attitude lol. The first time DD2 actually cried was at about a month old and I wanted to rush her to the doctor because I was convinced something horrible must have happened (broken bone etc) as she never cries. I really felt just having DD1 was harder than having DD1 and DD2 is so I think a lot of it comes down to the baby rather than the number of children all up.

[meow]

Probably about 12 months! Somehow I bumbled along for that time and tried to appreciate my little baby in the blur that was life.

We had an overseas move when he was 3 months old and had a lot going on with his older brother who is autistic. I found a groove once my older son was going to preschool part time and I had an in home therapist for him in the afternoons, so finally I could devote some time and enjoy the day time feed to sleeps with my baby.

[starangelk]

It just took a few weeks at our place but we were much more relaxed about where DS (number 2) slept, be it in the swing or in the carrier/sling etc.

[Shanti]

I found my way VERY quickly 2nd time around

Like most people, i was apprehensive as to what lay ahead but very quickly found myself finding it really cruisy! There is always that initial adjustment to get used to life with 2 kids instead of 1 and making sure your first born doesn't feel left out etc but we all found DD2's addition to the family very smooth sailing and she has been a VERY cruisy baby too which has helped. I am way more relaxed 2nd time around, we haven't' had feeding problems like we did the first time around, it's just been SO much easier!! Number 2 just seems to fit into the family so easily because you have already gone through the whole life adjustment the first time around, so having already one child you know what having kids is all about.

So much easier, that I started up my own internet business when DD2 was only 3mths old!!!

I hope it's just as easy for you

[OceanPrincess]

I reckon a few weeks. You know my DD - she is quite high-energy and I wanted things to remain as "normal" as possible for her, so DS was born Thursday morning and Tuesday I was at my normal Tuesday playgroup, Wednesday playgroup, visit at mum's Thursday and Friday music. DD needed her little routine, that was important to us. That and I wanted to show DS off I had a few visitors over the weekend but by the time Monday rolled around, I was ready to get back into things with her.

He was pretty cruisey in those early days - most newborns are - he was hungry, so he spent a lot of time being fed, and he was unsettled a bit, so spent a lot of time in the bouncer while we were at home, but he also put himself to sleep in his cot one day while I was getting ready to go out, when he was about 5 days old. Had a grizzle but DD was having a tantrum so he got ignored and by the time I got to him, he'd gone to sleep. Bless! I also borrowed a sling off Det (thanks Det!) which we used HEAPS while out and about, and a HAB, which we used not as much, and had my trusty Ergo. Have you got carriers hun?

He didn't ark up until DD was older, which was wonderful. Couldn't have handled two of them being terrors at the same time! Oh wait - that's my life currently!!

One of the biggest things I reckon to work out now is who looks after whom at night time. During the day, esp with your DD who is pretty self-sufficient during the day, you'll be fine - bubs cries, tend to bubs. Tell DD what is happening, ie if she wants you attention while you are involved with bubs, you'll be able to say "DD, baby needs me right now, I will be right with you as soon as I have finished doing X." and she will most likely get it.

Nights, different story. DH and I made the decision that I would tend to baby and he would tend to DD overnight. He adjusted quite well I have to say, and was even waking up when she cried without me elbowing him in the ribs!

[Miss.September]

Bless! I also borrowed a sling off Det (thanks Det!) which we used HEAPS while out and about, and a HAB, which we used not as much, and had my trusty Ergo. Have you got carriers hun?

I've got a caboo on order. Hopefully will keep me going for a little while.

These experiences are great. Thanks for sharing them all. DD is usually a chilled out kid, but I'm expecting some upheaval with her when bub is here. I'm really hoping we can get into things asap.

[wysiwyg]

Also I remember saying to my dad in the early days about how I felt bad because with DS he was often handed over to them so I could do stuff with DD, or left sleeping and not cooed over etc etc - and my dad made a good point that all the time you are feeding a new born, cuddling them to sleep etc they are having the contact with you that they need, when they are feeding they are close to you which is what they want - the fact you might be reading their elder sibling a story at the same time etc doesn't matter to them. They will adore their sibling and although their early days may be quite different to that of your first child, they are not any worse off is just different (the amount of joy the baby gets from their elder siblings is enormous - sometimes I am a bit jealous of how DS is with DD - if she is about that is where his eyes are, and she extracts the best giggles from him and always has :-))