Oh em, you are far from a failure you are doing everything so right, at that age many bubs are undergoing so many developmental leaps amongst other things and their little brains are struggling so much. FWIW my DD was exactly the same and I thought I was failing at her sleeping too but it is nothing that you are doing and it WILL pass. At the moment you can see yourself rocking a 30 year old to sleep, right?!? Well, I thought I would be too. dont beat yourself up for walking away its much better than the alternative if you are struggling. I want you to know how strong you are for admitting that it is hard and asking for help, thats something I didnt do till last week and its long overdue.

Is there another person you can speak to her actually can help you work through the things you are feeling?

Honestly, dont be too hard on yourself. These little ones can be beyond hard and you sound like you are doing wonderfully