I feel like such a failure...

[glenny_c]

Ah honey- no advice but want to say - you ARE NOT a failure!!! Gosh- I don't know how you do it! I am in awe that you can still construct sentences after having broken/no sleep for so long. Katie usually has one feed during the night and after 4 nights in a row when I was up every 2-3 hours I was a wreck!! If you are a failure for feeling overwhelmed after being woken ever 1-2 hours every night for 6 months then what does that make me? I only lasted 4 nights before I broke!!!

We had to figure out though, Katie doesn't like to be cuddled to sleep. She'd rather be left alone in her bed. I don't let her cry and often will stand next to the cot rubbing her back until she falls asleep but I find that she sleeps better and longer if I do that then if she falls asleep on me.

Also- and I had a lot of trouble with this one (and still do)- it's OK to give yourself permission to have time out every now and then. Often on the weekends I will crawl in the bath with a book and DH takes Katie for a long walk or down to the park. That way if she's crying, I don't know about it. If they stay home I always feel I have to "rescue" him. You are allowed to have you time!!!! You need to look after you!!

Wish I was closer to help out honey
xxx

[Barb Glare]

Em, rather than being a failure, mothers like you are doing a better job than most mothers - because the task you have is harder. Your baby has higher needs than many other babies, having a disposition to allergies and asthma/eczema. Yet somehow mothers like you are made to feel inadequate. Like you are not doing a good enough job. What you are doing is responding sensitively to your baby's needs. and it's hard with little family support.
Firstly, you need to explain all this to your partner. Business or no business - you need his support. Are you part of your local ABA group? It's a way of finding support and you will find other mothers that have been there and done that.
You might need to do some detective work. Is there anything apart from milk that triggers your partners symptoms (what symptoms does he have BTW?) What about your asthma and eczema? What triggers that? You may be able to eliminate a few more things from your diet or her diet. I imagine she would be starting solids? Is she getting better or or worse? You might need to assess what she eats in light of possible allergies and intolerances.
You might find that reflux meds from the dr help alleviate the symptoms (but won't help the underlying cause) It is REALLY important that you keep breastfeeding and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. As hard as it is, breastfeeding protects from infection (which would be the last thing you would need right now) and contains anti-inflammatory properties which alleviate the symptoms of possible allergies or intolerances

[HotI]

Em, rather than being a failure, mothers like you are doing a better job than most mothers - because the task you have is harder.

And when you do make advances, they feel so much better because they have been well-earned! Some kids just take longer to work out the whole sleep caper, and some don't need as much sleep as others, or need a bit more help to get there.

For me, accepting that my DD was a minimalist sleeper made a big difference. I was able to stop struggling so much and work with the circumstances that i had.

Have you tried feeding her to sleep on your bed during the day? You might get a rest too, or if your little one sleeps you can sneak out and have a cuppa.

Nothing wrong with co-sleeeping if it gets you more sleep.

[misty]

Just wanted to give you hugs. You are completely describing my experiences with my DD. You have had some good advice to try here. My tip is to try and find support. Someone who you can turn to and explain your frustrations, who will just sit and listen (not nessecarily give advice) and who can give you practical help when you are really struggling. (ie, they can take bubs for a walk outside - or somewhere you cann't hear bubs cry - while you have a bath or a sleep or a cry.) Because as distressing as the lack of sleep is, it is really the mental side of it all that is the big challenge.


The other thing I haven't heard mentioned yet (but I may have missed it) is the idea of a sleep school or a sleep consultant who actually comes into your home and helps you set up a routine you can live with. Talk to your mchn about it, I am sure they should have some suggestions as to where you can get these kinds of services.