I shouldn't have googled!

[Just Me]

The little girl who walked through the door, nervously holding her father's hand; who scrambled up on to the hospital bed and threw herself on top of me in a wholehearted embrace, was not the child I'd said goodbye to two days before. A bizarre metamorphosis had occurred. She looked huge, suddenly. No longer a little girl at all. Compared to the baby's delicate limbs, her toddler hands and feet seemed enormous. Compared to his newborn fragility, her chunky vitality seemed almost menacing. In the space of just 48 hours my eye had become, shockingly, unaccustomed to her.

I am going to be completely honest and say that this is EXACTLY how I felt about my DD1 when DS was born. She was staying with my mum and we went to pick her up on the way home from the hospital and it was like I was looking at a stranger. It was so strange. On top of that, she had bearly slept for the 5 days I was in hospital (DS was induced and it took 3 days for him to be born and I didn't want to see her while I was being induced because I was in a bad way) though I spent a lot of that 3 days crying because I missed her so much (she was only 12 months old).

Because she hadn't slept, she was different in her behaviour as well. It was just such a relief to get home.

Those feelings only lasted as long as my baby blues with DS which was about 24 hours. After that I adjusted and started to really enjoy having 2 beautiful babies. They have brought me so much joy. We have had so many gorgeous moments with them because they are together. I have a great relationship with both DD1 and DS and I don't think those initial feelings have had any long lasting impact. I did make an effort to do lots of stuff with DD1 as soon as I got home from hospital and enjoyed her a great deal.

I was actually surprised how much easier I found DD1 after DS was born. She was a great help to me with him and very interested in him. When he was about 2 months old, she started to play with him. Even though she was only 14 months at the time, she would crouch down behind his toys during tummy time and jump up and yell 'boo'. They are just so amazing together. They are great buddies and entertain each other a lot. They always have someone else to play with and I think it is great!

I have since had DD2 and wondered if I would have similar feelings but this time I didn't feel anything like that. I was only away from my babies for a day this time (I had a c-section and didn't cope well in recovery so I didn't see anyone on the first day). I was so excited to see them when they came to visit and cried when they left the hospital.

Was going to write more but DD2 just woke up and is crying so have to go. Be back later

[black_rose]

Google is not your friend!! As DH says you can find anything you want to find on google to support your views it just may not be true!

As a mum to 2 girls I wondered how I would feel about DD1, she was my little premmie and very special to me. But I have found it to be wonderful she loves being involved with DD2, and she got very close to DH as he would take her out and play with her if I was breastfeeding DD2. I have totally bonded with DD2, I love her just as much and its amazing watch her exprience life as its so different from DD1.

Recently we put DD2 into daycare so I could have a day with DD1, we have her swimming lessons and the rest of the day she chooses what we do, its a great expreience, we get to share one on one time, I don't know if she was feeling left out but she loves our days together now she gets excited when say its mummy and DD1 day tomorrow. I do the same for DD2 and hope to juggle another day so bub no 3 has the same opportunity, its getting epensive but its worth it it means I can really appreciate each child and give them lots of attention for a day.

[fionas]

I'm not there yet but I think a hearty dose of perspective is in order when it comes to this sort of thing, otherwise I too, would worry myself silly.

I worry about whether I will love Baby 2 as much as DD because in my eyes, DD is THE perfect child. Not perfect for everyone but perfect for DP and I - funny, outgoing, mischievous, noisy, active. If I'd had to describe all the attributes that I wanted my perfect child to have, DD has them. It's unlikely that Baby No. 2 will be the same so logically, I worry that I won't feel the same.

But you know what? Pfffffft. Whatever. Whenever I need perspective on life/death, I just remind myself that hey, I'm not that special. Billions of people have done this and in most cases it works out fine.

But I am glad that I read the article because it's like a flag to me that feeling a bit off towards DD1 (if that happens) is normal.

I remember reading an article before I had DD saying that it's normal NOT to feel that instant mother-baby outpouring of love so I didn't worry when I had DD and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was fascinated with her for a couple of weeks but loving her certainly wasn't instant. And look at me now. Can't even go somewhere in the car without having the passenger mirror thing down so I can gaze at her all the way. And she's two and a half. RIdiculous.

[~Kim~]

This was something that seriously filled my thoughts before I had DS. When I thought we were going to deliver at 25weeks I had anxiety attacks over not the fact that I might have an extremely premmie baby but this....

I won't lie and say that article is a crock, cos seriously for me, there have been days like that. There are days when I think to myself - hang on love that's not the mother you want to be. But it's not because I don't have enough love to go around, it's because the dymanics have changed.

My DD was nearly 3 when DS arrived and I couldn't have wished for a better sibling intro. She was besotted with him. It's now that he has a personality and is mobile and understanding and as inquisitive as she is that we're struggling a bit.

I make a conscious effort to give her time on her own, but you know what? Even though she and I were totally dependant on each other once, she can't remember what it's like to be on her own and given the chance to go out and do something with just me, or stay with Daddy and DS, she usually opts for the latter .

As for the boy thing...well, I just didn't want a boy. I was the mother of girls only. I had some serious worries about the whole sex thing. In fact I didn't want to know the sex, so that if it was a boy then I couldn't have any pre-exisiting negative thoughts. Someone else had other plans though. I had a growth scan late and it was so obvious what he was.....but I loved him instantly.

Liek everything else that motherhood brings, I seriously don't think you can predict any of how you you feel/cope.
I would mother a hundred children if I got to feel like this over and over again.

[boomba]

I actually cant remember when he weaned it was so gradual and he did it himself

I can identify with the artucle....You forget that your todler is just that a todler.

let me know when your free and we will have a chat xxxx

[Lolli]

Just wanted to share- I actually said to my ds one day when dd was 2 months old "stop acting like a 2 year old!" he didn't even turn two for another month oh dear... I did forget for a little while that he was still a baby too. But those first few months pass so very quickly, and things settle again.

Also, a good friend of mine told me this and it ramg so true- your second or subsequent will never have all your attention 24/7 the way your first did. So you can't feel too bad that our first doesn't have all your attention anymore, because your second never will, and it won't do them any harm

[shellbell3]

It was odd in some ways when DD2 came along, yes definately noticed how huge DD1 seemed to be. And in some way I did feel funny, when i tried to think what it was I think I felt a bit in shock that my baby (DD1) wasn't actually a baby anymore when comparing to DD2 that she had gone, so in some way it did feel like I was looking at a different child. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Then I think I also made the mistake then of expecting bit more from her than her being a normal 2.5yr old at the time.
Mix that with sleep deprivation, up all night with new born and keeping a toddler who doesn't have day sleeps entertained. Its bloody hard work.
But things settle down and now I don't think DD1 even remembers life without DD2 there, sure there is still some sibling rivalry, trying to get my attention but they love each other, get along great.

[Beautitude]

Also, a good friend of mine told me this and it ramg so true- your second or subsequent will never have all your attention 24/7 the way your first did. So you can't feel too bad that our first doesn't have all your attention anymore, because your second never will, and it won't do them any harm

Lolli this is a great quote. Thank you so much for sharing it. This will be my new mantra i think.

I am so worried about when number two arrives. Some days i feel utterly exhausted after running around after ds all day (he is completely full on) and i think how on earth can i do it with another. Its lovely to hear of other people's experiences with these feelings and concerns pre and post birth.

[Liviam]

Heaven I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten I'm on holidays and don't have internet access available (I'm stealing my sisters quickly). I'm home soon and then I'll post. Sorry it's taken so long but I will be back

[Arimeh]

Ohhh Heaven Please don't let the someone else's story turn you off writing your own story!! Sure our experiences are all similar, but its not exactly the same.

DS was just under 19 months when DD1 was born - and until then he was the biggest mummy's boy you could imagine!! The first 3 months after bringing DD1 home was the hardest, i was dealing with some serious emotions - disappointment at not getting a VBAC, blame towards her because she wouldn't come out on time - plus being exhausted, dealing with an infection in my uterus - and a boisterous toddler - it was bloody hard!

DS wasn't a bad toddler in the slightest really, would only really need a "uh ah" when he was touching something he wasn't supposed to be - and that didn't change. The only thing that changed was yes, he was getting into trouble for being too loud, or pulling the baby too hard on the leg whilst feeding or slamming a book on her head because he wanted to be read to! But - he learnt how to be gentle, how to be considerate and how to wait his turn. I don't think these are bad lessons to learn?

The first couple of months are the hardest, but in reality - its such a short period of time in the whole time you are a mother. And really when you think about it - the first couple of months are hard no matter whether this is your first, second or 6th baby! There is an initial adjustment period for all babies, they have to get to know you - you have to get to know them! All babies have that adjustment period - ALL of them.

I don't think DS has missed out on anything really from having a sibling brought into his life. Really, I haven't taken anything from him - yes he doesn't get 100% of my attention 100% of the time, but the quality of our time together now is better, because I know he doesn't get a lot of it. So he may have to share, but when its just me and him he really enjoys it and makes the most out of it. And it was the same when DD1 was just born, we would do special things like special morning tea when DD1 was sleeping. We would play puzzles, or read special books cuddled up on the couch or on the beanbag - he would get all my time when I had it. Housework fell behind, but I didn't care - I just did it all at night when they were both sleeping.

It doesn't have to be all bad you know, and if you keep it in mind that you are giving her a gift that nobody else in the world can give her, its not too bad. Do you know how bloody awesome I feel when DS tells me that DD1 is his best friend? His BEST friend. I DID THAT. I created a little person who is now his best friend!! Nobody else did, but ME.

So try and not look for negatives at the situation, look towards what you will be giving her rather than what you might be taking away. Because even when you are with a new baby, you can still spend time with her, if your feeding she can sit beside you for a story. If you are trying to get a baby to sleep, sling them and dance around the house with your toddler. There are lots of things you can do at the same time, you'll find this out I'm sure

Try not to stress about something that hasn't happened yet - or may never happen.

[Heaven]

Liviam- Thankyou for thinking of me!

Mel- That totally just made me cry, how beautiful. Thankyou so much.

I'm not so terrified now thanks too ALL of you lovely people. Thankyou!!!!