I think i've changed my mind

[misty]

I build up to it. Just starting with little hints here and there, "what if we had another..." "do you remember when <insert names> was a baby.....I miss that" etc. Inserting sentences like that as often as possible into coversation, but where there is little or no room for him to replie to it. It gives him time to become accustomed to the idea that you might have changed your mind, given him time to think about what having another baby means to him, and then doesn't come as such a shock when you do come out and say "hey, I want another...."
I have done this a couple of times so far [and if I am being completely honest, have already started 'hinting' at maybe having another... ]

[Enchanted]

I told DH I was finished too. We had made a decision that we wanted to be pg. score the end of 2010 if we were having another one. 2010 passed and in April last year I decided that I did want another. Poor DH was a bit shocked and took a bit of convincing but after a lot of talk about positives, negatives, our lifestyle etc he decided another bub would be great.

Good luck chatting to your DH about it, it might take some time to get his head around it but keep talking!!

[AwesomeFoursome]

I told DH I was definately finished after no.1, no.2, no.3 and now no.4. but now he does believe me .

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't think that what you are doing is very nice to your DH. He has adjusted to you not wanting more children. Springing it on him that you've changed your mind isn't fair. What happens if he doesn't want more children? What happens if he has started to plan a baby-free life and you start nagging about babies again? "Convincing", to most men, means "nagging until he gives in or walks out" - and many don't really want to walk out on their families.

I just know that my DH has changed his mind a few times (claims that he has never done that too) and the emotional turmoil I've been in from it. And it isn't fair. If you agree to something with your OH, you should stick to it. At least then people know where they stand, rather than living on the edge the whole time.

[Enchanted]

Wow TFB, I think your words are quite harsh. Yes, it can cause conflict in a relationship but does that mean that TripleJ should just put her feelings and wants aside so she doesn't possibly upset her DH?! I don't think that is fair at all. From my experience I couldn't control the way I felt, which is why I brought the subject up with DH. Kept the lines of communication open as to how we BOTH felt & worked on it from there. As for her DH possibly "planning a baby free life"? I would have thought that a DH & DW would both be involved in that planning & moving forward together?!

I do see you're talking from a place of pain and I'm sorry you are there but I don't think you need to come down on TripleJ about it. She's asking for advice, not a lecture about how you think she should be sticking to her word.

[misty]

I don't think that what you are doing is very nice to your DH. He has adjusted to you not wanting more children. Springing it on him that you've changed your mind isn't fair. What happens if he doesn't want more children? What happens if he has started to plan a baby-free life and you start nagging about babies again? "Convincing", to most men, means "nagging until he gives in or walks out" - and many don't really want to walk out on their families.

I just know that my DH has changed his mind a few times (claims that he has never done that too) and the emotional turmoil I've been in from it. And it isn't fair. If you agree to something with your OH, you should stick to it. At least then people know where they stand, rather than living on the edge the whole time.

Totally disagree with this. People change their minds about things, and it often isn't based on logic, but rather emotion so isn't easily controlled. If you do change your mind about something as big as this you owe it to your partner to be honest about it. Who is to say your partner won't also have a change of mind. And if they don't, well at least you know where you both stand and aren't just pretending.

In my house, it takes two 'yes's and one 'no' to make an important decision like another child. I honestly thought the entire way through this last pregnancy and in the first 2 months of having bub that I would not have any more kids. Four was enough. I even contemplated getting my tubes tied. But I changed my mind.

I have changed my mind as often as I turn on the lights in the bedroom. DH know what I am thinking about things; but he also knows that it is a joint decision, and although I want another kid, and might try to convince him that another kids was a good idea, if he was completely serious and absolute in saying 'no', then I will go along with that. In our case, if he were firm in his decision to not have anymore, then he would go get the snip (I know, because we have talked about it) and I would support him, even if a little sadly; hell if he were that definite, I might even get my own tubes tied despite wanting another. But he isn't that absolute, because he knows I would like another at some point, and he knows that he may also change his mind (and very possibly I will change mine once again when he does). But it is a joint decision. You don't know how definite a 'no' is until you talk about it, give the person time to think about it, and then talk about it some more. What is marriage, if not compromise.

[misty]

FWIW - if I hadn't have changed my mind, we sould still be a single child family. Perfectly happy. Probably alot better off financially. But I did change my mind after each kid, and so did DH. And although things aren't always perfect, and money has to go alot further, neither of us 'regret' our (sometimes impulsive) change of minds - even if we do reminisce about the days with none or fewer kids.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

I change my mind on a daily basis about having more kids.

[Arimeh]

And although things aren't always perfect, and money has to go alot further, neither of us 'regret' our (sometimes impulsive) change of minds - even if we do reminisce about the days with none or fewer kids.

Couldn't have written it better myself!!!! I definitely think about how good it would be with no kids... but then who would say "wuv you mummy" and give me a big cuddle?

I've decided to live my life with no regrets - cos I don't want to be on my death bed wishing I had done something when I was young enough to do it.