I'm torn as to what to do!! Help me decide.

[Shanti]

DD is turning two in a couple of weeks time!! My little baby girl will be two!!

I'm deciding on putting her into Kindy up the road from me (literally an 8min walk!). It's got a fantastic reputation and I know other Mum's who send their kids there, including the neighbour so I've heard lots about it. They are one of the best in our area.

I have quite a few friends with two kids who decided on kindy/daycare before their 2nd baby was born. I know my little girl would just love it as she loves other kids and socialising with others and making new friends. She's very friendly and not shy at all!! She see's lots of friends every week at playgroup, swimming, music and mothers group already and playdates too. but this would be something for "her" that she does herself.
I think she'd be just fine once she got used to it. Only thing that makes me feel sad about it all is the fact that if she is crying or hurt, I won't be there on the spot to give her that urgent cuddle she needs!! and also missing out on seeing her painting or learning new things....how does a Mummy get over those feelings ? I just don't want to miss out on anything kwim?? lol

I'm considering one day a week only just so I can have that one day a week with the new baby and it's something for DD that she has for herself kwim? And a break from me!!!

I just can't decide, should I get her in around March (baby is due May) to get her used to this, OR should I wait until well after the baby has arrived....? What did you do?? I understand that once the baby arrives, if I was to place her into Kindy then, she would possibly associate the baby's arrival with her having to go into this strange new place and that could be a bad thing, so I have been advised by almost everyone who I've talked to, that it's probably best if I either do it now before bub comes OR I will have to wait months after the baby comes.

Help me decide I think I'll find it harder to leave DD.....I think she'll be fine, I'll be the one with tears as I drive away!! it means she's growing up!!

[Jakabella]

I would try and do it before bub comes along - Just makes it less urgent and if it takes a bit if time to adjust then its not such a strain.

Im probably not much help though as I have decided not to put DD in CC untill she goes to 4 yo kinda and then school, how ever im lucky as my mum doesnt work and she looks after DD 2 days a week now while I work and she will be able to help when our new bub is born. I just cant stand the thought of DD not being with me if needed. We go to Play group once a week and have 2-3 play dates a weeks with outher kids.

Maybe I will change my mind when the new bub comes!?!

Good luck and I bet your DD will love it!

[~Kaz~]

hey hun I am another who would definitely suggest you get DD into CC now (if that's your decision) and settled in before the bub arrives. It can take a few weeks, even if she loves it, to get used to the new routine and being left there all day.

As to the other part of your post about not being there, missing out etc. I felt exactly the same way, and even now, 10 months after DS started in care, he still knows stuff and I have no idea how he knows it because I haven't shown/told him, except that he must have learned it in CC. The feelings of missing out do come up now and then but they did ease over time. I try to think of the positive things he is getting from care, experiences that he wouldn't have at home with me. I am glad he is learning so much and I try to remember that this is part of life. I cannot follow him around his whole life so I get to see and experience everything he does lol! And I know you don't mean that by your post and I get that they are still so young but that is how I approach it.

If you want help to decide, i.e. what I would do? I would put her in care. She sounds like she'd have an absolute ball! And it can be one part of her routine that doesn't change once the bub is here, so it could increase her sense of security itms.

[Shanti]

And it can be one part of her routine that doesn't change once the bub is here, so it could increase her sense of security itms.

That's exactly how one friend explained it to me....something that is "hers" to herself to enjoy, and not related to the baby in any way??

Thanks girls for your replies. It's such a hard decision to make!!!! I think for me to decide I need to go up to the kindy and talk to them and meet the carers and take a tour, THEN I'll know if it's right for me and DD.

I don't have any family help during the week as all family live at least 1hr away (which we don't mind!! LOL!) and my Mum is still working and DH's parents are always off travelling. and we don't rely on others help anyway.

I just think about once the baby is here and will I "need" that one day a week to just me and the baby and it's space for DD too for herself?? I won't really know until the baby is here and then it will be too late to get her in....

[~Kaz~]

Y'know you can always start her soon-ish, see how she goes and make a decision then? If it's not working no drama you just take her out again. And just because you have her booked in the whole day you can always drop her off late or pick up early so it's not such a full day for her.

Leaving a first born in child care for the first time is stressful and hard no matter what! I found that my centre were so lovely and open and happy for me to hang around the first few times and gradually leave him longer etc and they took such an interest in him and got to know him and me quite quickly and now I trust them totally. I know he's having a great time and that helps a lot. Once you know she's having fun it does change how you feel about it.

[skybie]

we started DD1 in CC for a half day a week and increased it to a full day b4 DD2 was born.
it is hard but they grow such a strong bond with their carers that a hug from them will suffice. and TBH i dnt think they cry/whinge nearly as much when we arent around. i got called in early one day because DD1 jumped off some equiptment and hurt her ankle and it was swelling, i was talking to the receptionist b4 i picked her up and asked if she was crying (to asses how badly she was hurting, because she only cries when shes REALLY hurt herself) and she said she cried for about a minute but then stopped, but as soon as i walked into her room she fully started crying and carrying on like a pork chop! little devil.
its honestly harder on us than it is on them

[Shanti]

we started DD1 in CC for a half day a week and increased it to a full day b4 DD2 was born.
it is hard but they grow such a strong bond with their carers that a hug from them will suffice. and TBH i dnt think they cry/whinge nearly as much when we arent around. i got called in early one day because DD1 jumped off some equiptment and hurt her ankle and it was swelling, i was talking to the receptionist b4 i picked her up and asked if she was crying (to asses how badly she was hurting, because she only cries when shes REALLY hurt herself) and she said she cried for about a minute but then stopped, but as soon as i walked into her room she fully started crying and carrying on like a pork chop! little devil.
its honestly harder on us than it is on them

hehe so true!! They do like to turn it up a notch for us Mummy's don't they!!

[Shanti]

Sorry Mods, just noticed I should have posted in the 'childcare, kindergarten' section- please feel free to move this thread over.

[RockingBaker]

I would do it before #2 is born. Makes it not related to bub and gives you the opportunity to help her better transition. The first day you can go with her and stay for a while to help your DD adjust. The following week you stay for less time and continue until it becomes just a simple drop off. It helps incase she is anxious.
HTH

[Arimeh]

Yeah I'd do it before bub comes too - just so she doesn't feel that you are shoving her aside with strangers so you can spend time with the new baby - ITMS?

DS goes 2 days a week, and DD1 goes one day a week - and believe me - I love my Fridays alone with DD2 so very much...

[Beautitude]

We actually did it the other way around. Mainly because DH wasnt very keen on ds going to child care but since ds2 was born he has spent alot more time at home and has seen how hard it is to have two little people at home so has agreed to have ds1 go to care for a day a week. DS1 is having his first full day tomorrow (wish me luck) and he is alot like your dd, very independant and outgoing etc. Ds2 is 3 months old now so we waited a little while so he didnt get the association between new baby = child care. He had two visits at the child care last week and it went great and im happy i did it this way as i got to spend all that precious one on one time with ds before ds2 came along. In saying that however I would have liked some time to myself when pregnant. Good luck with your decision, its so hard sending your little one to care for the first time. I have the tissues ready for tomorrow!

[Sterla]

This is something I've been thinking about, and putting off and putting off.

I think overall it would be good to have DS in CC one day a week when bub comes, to give me a break and to allow me some one-on-one time with the baby. But having said that, the idea of being away from DS, and him being with someone he doesn't know as well as DH or my parents just upsets me - so I completely understand where you're coming from Shanti!

[peanutter]

I understand that once the baby arrives, if I was to place her into Kindy then, she would possibly associate the baby's arrival with her having to go into this strange new place and that could be a bad thing, so I have been advised by almost everyone who I've talked to, that it's probably best if I either do it now before bub comes OR I will have to wait months after the baby comes.

shanti ... your point above would be *exactly* my concern.

because of this, I'd be getting her started at kinder in March, so that she's not associating ... and so that you can put your feet up a bit more, before you new LO arrives! being able to get some extra sleep, do your nesting, etc will be that much easier, if DD if at Kinder a couple of times a week.

Just my opinion

[MamaPan]

I think it is a great idea to get her in and used to it before the baby comes along. then she doesnt need to be pressured to rush into it (and neither do you). It may also be good for you to get a little bit of alone time while you are heavily preg.
I found keeping DS1 in care worked well for us, it gave me time with DS2 and also didnt disrupt himn. then on days i could keep him home or get him v early etc it was a 'bonus' for us all.
Having him at cvreche also meant he wasnt stuvck at home in the early days when DS2 was asleep all the time - and i could get to appts etc that i needed to more easily. he also loves it so it was a win:win for us.
and NO the guilt and wistfulness NEVER goes away!!!

[Heaven]

I don't have any experience so I'm not much help! But I agree with the others, if you want to put her in CC I think it's best to do it before the bub comes. And then if you change your mind you can just take her out anyway! Harder to do it the other way around itms.

[Shanti]

Thanks guys!! Lots for me to think about.... I'm so undecided!