Impossible 5 month old

[Beautitude]

Not sure what i want to gain from this post. I guess i want some advice, support and a bit of a vent so here goes.

DS is 5 months old and is getting a bit impossible. Love him to bits but lately it is impossible to leave the house with him. The problem mainly stems from the fact that he is a bit of a creature of habit and doesn't sleep very well outside of the house. Although lately he doesn't seem to sleep very well in the house either lol!! He gets really over tired and gets really upset which in turn makes me really upset. I have been in tears so much lately because of this.

Ds is a pretty big bub and i find it difficult to hold him for long periods so if we are out and about i find it very hard to rock him to sleep for a bit of a snooze. He is ok in the pram but will only usually go down for one really short nap which doesn't really help his mood. Plus if we are somewhwere like mothers group where there is limited space i cant take my pram in. I know i should stay home with him more but a get cabin fever staying at home all day and i feel in a better state of mind if i get out and about so i need him to learn to be a bit more flexible in his sleep environment. I just dont know how to do it.

Lately he hates the car and screams and screams all the time in the car and wont go to sleep like he used to.

Im not sure as well if he is maybe getting teeth which is causing this crabby behaviour.

Im at a loss and dont know what to do. It seems like everyone other than me does a better job of keeping him happy and its not good for my self confidence. He seems to always be on the go (without actually going anywhere obviously) and i often feel like he loves dh and his grandparents more than me as they can have him giggling uncontrolably (sp?) but i cant. What am i doing wrong. How do i relax and just go with the being a mummy flow. I get so stressed about making sure he has had a sleep feed etc before i go out that i think i make it harder for myself.

why am is such a useless mummy??? Why dont i know my son yet??

[Oorki Galoorki]

he is a bit of a creature of habit

He gets really over tired and gets really upset

if he is maybe getting teeth

I think you know your son really well!!

some babies are like that and there isnt alot you can do to change it.
you are definatley not a useless mummy!

do you have a routine( not the R word) but you know he will roughly have a sleep 10am then 3pm? try and plan to go out inbetween sleeps, try not to worry about having a screaming baby when out we all do it, just feed him or give a toy.. i talk ALOT while im out to occupy my kidlets..

it will improve!

[Chocaholic]

Stop right there!! You are a fantastic mum who is trying to do her best for her gorgeous boy. Just because it isn't perfect all the time, doesn't mean you don't know him. Nothing is always perfect!!

He may be going through a trying stage at the moment but you are there for him 24, 7. The others are more of a novelty because he doesn't see them as often. He is obviously confident in your love that he can just be who he is. At the moment he is cranky. In a week, he may be the happiest little one ever.

I am not much help I know but please, be confident in the fact that you love him and want what is best for him. Also it is obvious that he adores his mummy.

Good luck! Big hugs

[Beautitude]

Thanks for your replies ladies.

Doudou we dont really have a routine, i kinda just let him do what he wants and follow his lead. Unfortunately when things get predictable he goes and changes again. Love it how they do that! I do try and just go with it when he starts screaming in public. Sometimes I feel like i am doing it mainly for the people looking at me as i am screaming inside. Its getting to the point that I am getting scared of going out with him as i dont want to feel out of control.

CourtRach thannks for the support. I know what you say is true and thank you for the new perspective about him laughing more with others. I never really thought about it that way.

What gets me the most is when my mum or mil will tell me how lucky i am to have such an "easy " baby. I tell them that he isn't always so easy but they always brush it off as me being over the top coz their children were much harder than their precious grandson lol! I sometimes wonder why if he is so easy do i struggle so much sometimes...

[KatieRabbit]

Don't you just love MIL and mum's comments! If only they knew... You sound like you are doing a really great job and going through a rough patch. If DS is screaming when out he is prob overtired. FWIW my DD (now 17 months) won't sleep at anyone else's house, in the car or in the pram when out. Some babies are just like that and she has been all along. Get out when you can after DS has had a sleep and feed and don't stay out too long and I would avoid really stimulating places with lots of people ie shopping centres!
Another great idea is a sling. I got an Ergo carrier when DD was about 4 or 5 months and I still use it every day. She loves it and no matter how tired she is she never cries in it and I can take her every where in it. Babies feel really safe and secure snuggled up next to mum's body.
Your DS probably sleep 3 times a day??? I can't remember the sleep at that age but I do know that 45 minute naps are very common at around 4 months onwards even though bubs needs more and wakes up cranky. Perhaps just stay home for a few days till you find a rhythm that works for you both and that you can manage outing with.

[Lady-bug]

You're doing a great job!! My DS was exactly the same at that age. I ended up putting it down to an age thing! Have you got a carrier/sling?? That would be my suggestion. And I agree that you need to keep getting out of the house, I found staying home just made me worse!

Hope that helps!! It will get better, give him a week or two and things will probably be totally different.

[OceanPrincess]

Agree with all the PPs, you are being a great mum! Don't say otherwise

My niece is 11 months and doesn't deal well with being out and about either, she won't sleep in the pram, cries in the car, sounds like like your DS! My sister even said the same thing you've been saying, she's a bad mum and shouldn't even be going out etc etc.

It seems to just be a stage she goes through every now and then. You are right, it could be teething. Be patient.

[*Belle*]

Hi there,

Firstly you are a good MUM! dont ever thing it is you, he cant communicate with words unfortunately so he is trying to communicate by crying. I went through this with DD1, I called Tresillian and they were good, they came to my house and also I ended up seeing a Lactation consultant as I was BF. We looked at a number of issues, maybe you can run through the list and see if any of these help?

1. Is he getting enough milk, how often does he feed, even with demand feeding which we did, still write it down how much he is getting or how often

2. Has he started solids? if not then maybe this is the time to start? he may need more than milk.

3. Tired signs, sometimes they are easy to miss. DD1 her tired signs were rubbing her eyes thats all, sometimes I missed it, and she was so hard to settle. DD2 her signs are much easier, she rubs eyes, yawns, gets clumsy in her crawling and wont focus on me or look at me when shes tired. I put her to bed when shes happy and gurgling and she is happy to go to bed. If she is yawning and crying then its too late and she crys and needs to be held rocked for 20minsor so.

3. Would you consider sleep school? I havent done it but heard wonders about it.

4. Where does he sleep? in a bassinet or a cot or co-sleeping. Also what does he sleep in? we moved DD1 to a sleeping bag at his age and he settled much better.

The average sleep for a 5month old would be 1 morning sleep, one lunchtime sleep and one afternoon sleep (3 times during the day) and then the night sleep. Only one of those sleeps will be a long sleep.

Hope some of this helps. Remember it isnt you, you are a wonderful mum.

Bel
xxx

[Mak]

You are doing a great job! DD1 was exactly the same - and I was stressed out about sleep/routine etc. Oh and ignore all those little comments people make - I am sure they mean well (or at least don't mean to make you feel bad). I found it really hard going from work - where I had feedback and could feel I was making head way to being at home. I had to change my way of looking at things! I have found that walking daily helped me feel better too.
Keep doing whatever works for the two of you - and celebrate the little things!

[amberj]

My DS is very much the same- he will not sleep anywhere but in his cot, in his sleeping bag and with his blankie, and he's been like this ever since about 2-3 months old. Like your bub, he will sometimes have a little nap in his pram, but not a long one that does much for him.

We mainly just work around it and go out when he is up and come home when he is tired. For me, its just not worth the fight and upset otherwise. If it means I'm only at mothers group for 1 hour rather than 2, well, so be it. I still went! Recently he's started staying awake longer, so it makes life a bit easier, and I know that will continue. I just go with it for now. Yep, it gets frustrating and cabin fever-ish, but it will change.

One thing we have been meaning to try is to get him to take one nap a day at home in his room, but in his pram. I hope this will get him used to sleeping in his pram and mean we can go out longer.

Oh, also, as far as it seeming like your DS is happier around others than you, I agree with what others say about them just being a novelty. Today my DS was at my mum's for the day and was happy all day, apparently. I walk in to pick him up, he crawls over to me at warp speed and starts to cry! Us mums get all the hard bits!! Ironically, I feel a bit flattered that he will cry in front of me- he obviously feels safe enough to be vulnerable and turn to me for comfort, which is nice.

[Beautitude]

Thank you for your lovely words lately. Its lovely to know that ds is not the only one out there who is going through this.

Today was a terrible day. DS would not sleep more than half an hour which i know is normal but he was sleeping for 1.5 to 2 hours till a couple days agao so it makes him very grumpy. He was basically crying or sleeping for most of the day which was horrible and i honestly thought i was going to go insane. DH walked in the door and i broke down. It was horrible. I am convinced it must be teeth and have all sorts of gels and the brauers teething relief which didn't seem to do much.

I went to gym and dh said that ds was an angel at bed time so there you go he didn't even see what i was going through all day i think alot of the problem may be me getting so worked up when he cries and is unsettled in my head i know that its not my fault its just what he is going through but my heart tells me otherwise.

for a better day tomorrow...