My doctor thinks DD is abnormal? I'm so worried?!

[Carmen2]

MantaRay, Thanks for moving my thread... sorry for posting in the wrong section.

You are right about the mother's instincts. TBH, I really don't know if I should trust mine anymore. I think being a first time mommy has a big impact because I am learning everything. At the same time, when something goes wrong, I tend to overstressed and not look at things from the brighter side.

Things haven't been so smooth for me for the past few weeks. Sigh, because of the ups and downs I get from over worrying, DH and I have been getting into fights almost every once a week. When it gets so bad, I just slam the door and walk away feeling so guilty but boy, I have to admit, slamming that door did give me a little vent.

At the same time, my MIL has been calling and giving me heaps of pressure for not wanting to fly back to Asia to see them... DD is 6 1/2 months old now and is safe for flying... but I live in Canada and my in laws live in Thailand so flying back there would be a 26 hours trip including transit time. To me, that's a lot of hassles because I can definitely imagine how fussy DD would get on a plane (she's already one fussy baby at home, imagine on the plane where I have no where to hide with her crying). Also, I would have to carry many glass bottles with me since I don't have access washing them on the plane nor do I feel safe washing them in the airport bathrooms or airplane's sink. DH has been feeling guilty of us not wanting to bring DD back so you can only imagine how crappy I must feel as his wife.

Thirdly, there's been a virus in Asia causing the deaths of several babies/young infants.

Also forgot to mention, Canada's summer is in the high 20 celsius and in Thailand, we're talking about 40 degrees celsius. DD has eczema, and I don't think that drastic temperature change would be such a great idea!

WIth all that said, I have basically felt the need to delay our plan to fly back this summer.

I discussed this going back issue with DH and he's pretty neutral (on the outside) but I can tell that he really would like us going back to see his parents... so, I haven't really been bringing up this issue since, but my MIL is still calling us every week asking us when we will be flying back!

SOrry for this tremendously long vent... this is the only place where I could really pour it all out and not thinking what others would feel....

Carmen, I'm going to move this to baby and toddler general discussion.

The thing with GPs is that they don't specialise in babies. Some are definitely better than others, but there is so much they don't know as they just can't know everything about everyone. So usually if they come across something which they are not familiar with, they will refer you to a specialist. This doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong, it's just a precaution, as they'd hate to miss a real problem. I would wait until you see the paed before you start worrying, there could well be no problem at all. And TBH, I think mummy's instincts are usually pretty good in this area, if you didn't think anything was wrong before he said that, then I think that says a lot. So many times we get all worried after a comment from a GP or MCHN even though there is nothing wrong at all.

Hang in there hun, big hugs to you.

[LimeSlice]

Carmen, its not good having family spread all overis it? My IL's are in New Zealand, and my family is all on the other side of the country! Which is obviously nothing like flying for 26 hours, but it is a big long expensive trip....especially with a young one.

Maybe you could bring his parents out to see you in canada? then they could see DD and you can not have to carry bubs all across the otherside of the world?

As for the fights with DF, I think that it is a massive task to adjust to life with a child at all, and then life with a baby is a lot of work, physically and emotionally. It is natural tht with little sleep, high stress and general day to day concerns that you two are going to butt heads. It will settle down though I think just about everyone goes through it in some way. So hang in there, slam some more doors and stand your ground with the IL's! You have to do what you think is best for DD and not be pressured into things you don't wat to do .

And when there are no more doors left to slam - there is always us!!


TC Alexis

[Trillian]

Carmen, maybe she is moving her limbs around like that because of the itching? As for her turned eye, my eldest DS developed a turned or 'lazy' eye when he was around 7-8mths old and it was quite bad when he was tired, otherwise it was fine. We didn't think anything of it because he never had problems with co-ordination or fine motor skills and once at school he never got headaches from eye strain, but as it turns out he is severely long sighted - about as long sighted as a person can be and had been like that since birth - and the turned eye was a symptom of that because when he was a baby and was learning to do all the normal things (like pick up small objects, stack blocks etc) he had to strain his eyes so hard to be able to focus that it caused the eye to turn in. he now wears glasses all the time to correct it and when he is an adult he can have lasik surgery to correct it.

So it may seem innocent (and loads of kids have turned eyes with no vision problems) but that has been our experience with it so it will be worthwhile getting it checked out at least.

[Cricket]

I agree - is there any way for your in-laws to come to Canada? They don't have a baby to tote!

As far as the fighting/arguing goes - can you and your DH take a little time away to relax and become closer? Or maybe try to have some regular dates? My DH and I have also had some more arguments than normal lately, and I think it is because we are both tired and very busy, and we end up being frustrated with each other. Otherwise, maybe you could go through a good book for couples together or something like that. Ken Sande has a great book called The Peacemaker, which I am thinking of reading with DH.
Anyways, I hope you are able to come to a good solution for all of you. Stress in the family is soooooo exhausting!

[Alipralli]

I agree - get in in-laws to visit you, surely it must be a lot easier for them to travel than for you?

My DD also has an eye that turns in, and is more noticable when she is tired. Our GP reckoned to wait till she was 12 months old to see if it would correct itself at all, and then when it hadn't, has given us a referral to see a paediatric opthalmologist - just waiting for that appointment to come around. But the GP reckoned that a lot of kids eyes do fox themselves, but to really wait until 12 months to see if they do. Then if it hasn't, they can either do surgery, or wear an eye patch, depending on its severity.

Sorry, can't help you with her weight, or her excema.

And I also agree with MantaRay - GPs don't know everything, and if they think something might be wrong, then that is when they give you a referral to see a specialist - you never know, the specialist might tell you that all is fine with your DD!

Hope you get all of your problems sorted out soon!

[Chocaholic]

Why don't you explain to your IL's why you do not want to travel with bubs at the moment? You have very valid reasons for not wanting to travel and if they know why you don't want to, that should stop the frequent requests. If it doesn't, simply ask them to stop as their request is not reasonable and invite them to visit you. Try and make them see they are being unreasonable.

Otherwise try and wait until you see the paed before you start worrying. Hard I know!!

[Carmen2]

If it wasn't all the encouragements I got from BB, I wouldn't have the guts to speak up to my ILs.

So, I have finally told them this morning that "I" have decided not to go back this year because of the reasons listed. I could tell at first they weren't too pleased because they were expecting me to say "the date of my arrival." At first, I felt a little scared because I didn't want to put DH in a tough position. He, on the other hand, actually stood on my side. I was pleased. I offered to pay for my ILs plane tickets to come see DD, but they are currently too occupied so I guess they'll come later or we'll fly back when she's older. At least this is somewhat settled.

THe problems between DH and I are definitely caused by fatigue and lack of communication. We have sat down and analyzed the sources of our arguments and came to one conclusion; no matter what the circumstance is, when one gets upset, the other should not start another fire... instead, s/he should walk away. Hopefully this will help to settle some problems. I lost track how many fights we've had since DD's birth. Some times I feel so discouraged and wonder if this will get worse day by day... DH and I hope for the best for DD so we have made a vow to each other that we will be more sensitive.

TBH, I am not very worried about her eyes. In fact, many infants learn to coordinate their eye movements in later weeks or months. I understand that it's a big task for DD learning everything at once.

My GP called me this week and asked me if I have booked an apointment with the paed yet. She seemed really concerned about DD. I tried to tell myself that it's probably a normal followup by the GP to all their patients. In the mean time, there's nothing I could do to change the apointment any sooner since the paeds are so overbooked.

I try not to worry myself out but easier said than done especially after the call from my GP. I wish these cloudy days would go away soon.

Sorry for the long vent... I must tire you all! Thank you for being such good listeners.