Nae - give the sports and spinal people a call and ask if they have an osteo who does kids. It's about $60 for a first session and you may only need one and be given some techniques to use at home. Do you want me to call for you to ask? I think I need an osteo for my arm (not being able to surf is KILLING me!).
Remember, babies don't know that underarms are supposed to be horrible
I don't know if you're read past threads about co-sleeping and the regulation of hormones as well as breathing? The carbon dioxide of the mother's breath triggers the breathing mechanism of baby's brain. C02 is mainly thought to trigger a 'take a breath' reflex but I've been reading compelling things about the c02 actually acting to trigger a 'let out air' reflex. Whichever way, the c02 reminds baby to breathe and the breathing is more regular in co-sleeping babies than babies sleeping further away.
The proximity also primes the hormone oxytocin in both baby and mama in both brains' hormone centres. Breastfeeding does it and co-sleeping really hones it in. Dr Sarah Buckley writes heaps about it and cites lots of research
Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if DD2 has triggered a whole lot of stuff that you were keeping a handle on until now and the psych out to be able to help you work some things out.
It really sounds like you are 'shoulding' yourself, which is harder to shake than other people 'should-ing' you Your own conceptions of what you think you 'should' be doing or not doing have really got you tied up in expectations that aren't being met and aren't being revised in the face of the days' changing demands. Nothing written in stone says you can't be flexible with your own expectations
I can feel you hyperventilating from here at the thought of letting go of the standard you think needs reaching!
I've nearly finished coughing my guts up and we'll be home on Thursday, so expect me to come round and do things for you, even if it's putting on a load of washing and hanging it up. I also include folding laundry in my services