No family here not sure what to do for Birth

[onthefly]

Congrats on your pregnancy. I totally agree with everyone else - tell them a much later date if you think they might just show up.
And I'd discourage houseguests early on (unless it's someone you're happy to have around and who is going to help out) - maybe suggest if people want to stay then they'll have to wait till 2-3 months to visit, when things are a bit more settled. Remind them of the crying baby through the night too.
All the best~~

[Trillian]

Bambino, I never told my mother my due date with any of mine just to stop her from worrying more than anything, plus she didn't have that anxious wait at the end with me and she always loved the surprise phone call telling her that the baby had been born. She never took it the wrong way because I was upfront with her, so I hope that your family is the same when you tell them

[luna moth]

I am in a similar boat. Can't tell them the wrong due date. (because, seriously, MIL has every appointment, scan and how many weeks I am on her calendar and she would figure it out) MIL is wanting to allow 10 days to go over, then a "couple of days" to come home, and then they'll come. I have said no.

I have asked them to visit in January, when DH's work schedule is completely manic and I will definitely need the help. But this isn't soon enough for their liking, apparently.

I'm so glad that other people's experiences validate this decision.

[Just Me]

Hi Babybino - Can you just be honest with them and tell them that you will let them know when you want them to come or will they just come anyway? Lots of visitors at once can be really overwhelming and then to drop to none can make it really lonely. Could you think about who you would like to visit when and ask them to organise their visits sometime within the 2 or 3 months after the baby comes but not all at once. I realise a new baby is very exciting to them and you will no doubt be excited to introduce your new baby to your family, but you may appreciate having visitors more if they don't come all at once. I think having them stay in seperate accomodation is a brilliant idea as you will need your space.

Good luck trying to figure it all out.

[Traveller]

I had my PIL's stay for a month following the birth of DS2, and apart from Christmas day it was awful. I felt under pressure to keep a clean and tidy house, cook all meals, etc. I also could not allow myself to slob around in my pj's all day because I was worried they would think I was a slob. Of course they made no expectations of me but I was not relaxed enough around them to allow them to help and as a result my babymoon was disrupted and I did not enjoy that time.

If I could do my time again I would ask them not to visit for a month or so after the birth, unless they were willing to stay in a hotel and just visit for an hour or so every couple of days.

[Babybino]

Thanks everyone.
Audax- I am not too sure, I guess 2.5 weeks after we get home. So DH and I get 2 weeks together with Bubs, and then I get a couple of days on my own with Bubs. Honestly, what is wrong with meeting your Grandchild at 2.5 weeks old? There wont be too much of a difference between the 1st day/2.5 weeks.

I do have a friend who iws in the same boat(all family interstate too) and she had them all organized to come when they thought she would go into Labour. Well, she went early, and she is glad she did in the end. She had that time to bond, and also go through the emotions the few days after having Bubs, without having to worry about people being there. I am thinking as the U/S shows us 1 week behind, at 6.5 weeks, I might tell them this is the date I have been given, and they should organize their flights over for 2 weeks after that at the earliest, so therefore they wont run the risk of me going 2 weeks late and then missing out. Thanks you all for your advice, I really appreciate it, and it's nice to know I am not a complete rude B*tch for wanting to do it this way.

[lyra stardust]

Wow this is a really hard one! I was sort of in the same boat, but my family came over from so 20 hours away and had never been to Australia before! Initially I really wanted them to be there ASAP after the birth as I wanted them to share it with us, but I was really worried about everyone coming for the due date and then sitting around waiting for me to go into labour... nightmare! I assumed that I would go overdue as first baby so was scared too that they would only have a few days with him before having to go back if I went 10 days/2 weeks overdue. So anyway after much deliberation they all booked to arrive 3 days after due date. I actually delivered a week early so we had a full 10 days just us with no family and it was wonderful. We were so shellshocked and had time to recover and get to know him without having to worry about anyone else. I can't actually imagine having them around that early now, it worked out perfectly... and a baby at 10 days old is pretty much the same as 1 day old so I don't feel that they missed out on anything!! We too had a tiny house so they rented a house 2 streets away- expensive but SO much better as we had time by ourselves... but on the flipside the tricky times in the evenings when we were trying to settle him we were mostly on our own. It would have been nice to have them around a bit more than we did in retrospect, but I was sick with mastitis and it was tricky juggling all the family.

So anyway, I think you have the right idea, ask them to come a bit after you expect to deliver... unfortunately that's a bit tricky to know! You could go early or late! It is definitely important to have some time to find your feet without someone looking over your shoulder imo... but then if they're not staying you can ask them for some space anyway if you need it.

Good luck and hope it works out ok!