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Thread: Number Two (Baby) - Harder or Easier Than Expected

  1. #1

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    Default Number Two (Baby) - Harder or Easier Than Expected

    I have very limited time to decide whether to have another child (I'm almost 39) and my DD is only 8 months old.

    I know that if we don't try, I will regret it in a few years time but equally, I'm really not sure how I would handle two littlies bearing in mind:

    1. I had SPD (unstable pelvis) with DD1 from Week 28 until about six months after she was born. This made it difficult and very painful to walk, stand or bend. As you can imagine, that makes caring for a baby tricky and also difficult to get out of the house which has a negative effect on my mood. It was also very difficult for my partner to understand why I couldn't do stuff and that put a huge strain on our relationship which is only just getting better. This may happen again (the SPD) for no.2.

    2. I had a lot of difficulty breastfeeding. My milk didn't come in until Day 6 and I spent the first two weeks spending 2.5 hours out of every 3 feeding (breast, formula, EBM) and the next two months expressing between three and five times per day (up to an hour per time).

    I sound very negative but I'm just trying to be realistic - if both those situations repeated for no.2, it would be extremely difficult to look after two littlies. I love my DD to bits and if I had a few years up my sleeve would DEFINITELY be going for number two, but I don't have that luxury.



    So ... my question is, was having two babies close together easier or harder than you imagined?

  2. #2

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    Mine are very close (under 11 months) and TBH....i find it alot easier then what i thought and expected it would be.

  3. #3

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    I can't help but good luck with whatever decision you make! I'm sure it will be the best one for you.

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    I found it a lot easier than I expected too I had a 21 month age gap.

  5. #5

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    Fiona, personally I found it harder, but don't let that put you off. In our case DS1 was a very, very easy pg and baby. Then with DS2 I was sick throughout the pg (not sure if pg related or not), and then he was born early and was a very colicy baby. After DS1, anything would have been harder. Given that you didn't have it so easy first time, it is likely that you will find the second time easier. And FWIW, I wouldn't change a thing, I don't regret having no 2 so soon at all.

    I wish you luck with your decision. It's not an easy one to make. Every situation is different, so you can't really base it on anyone else.

  6. #6

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    My boys are 16 months apart and I found it harder overall but that said I was caught by surprise by a few things.
    Yasin adjustsed to being a big brother much better than I expected and although he was angry with me for a while he was never angry with his brother. They are both so close now that all the hard times were/are worth it. It's so sweet when they hug each other after a couple of hours apart and if either one falls and hurts themselves their brother is always the first to offer comfort. They really are best freinds and I'm so glad I gave Yasin the gift of a sibling.
    DH really stepped up after Imran arrived. He was a great nurse and took amazing care of both the boys and me.

  7. #7

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    I have three girls - the latter two are 19 months apart. My first two are 29 months apart.
    I think support from DH and family is important when you have more than 1 child. I know if i didnt have my DH around some days i would have gone mad !
    Its a bit of a juggling act, but when you hear them both giggling in a corner together in years to come, or when one comes to the other ones rescue when they've been hurt then yeah, its worth it. Its worth every moment...

    Good luck.

  8. #8

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    My second child was a very "easy" baby. His personality was such that he just fitted in with family plans and went along with it. He did have some major health issues to start with, which made it tricky with a 20 month gap between him and his older sister. But the age difference is great.

    I think you need to decide if you'd regret it if you didn't have any more, IYKWIM.

  9. #9

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    Easier for me! Having DS was a huge shock to the system for me - difficult birth then adjusting to having a baby and the lack of sleep and feeding. DS was not a very settled baby early on and he was colicky for the first 3 months as well. There is 21 months between him and his 3 yo sister, and DD was just so easy going, and so easy to settle. Much better birth too. And I had no trouble with having 2 in nappies - if anything, it makes life easier as you are not having to deal with toilet training and accidents.

  10. #10

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    I had mine 2yrs 4 months apart. I had NO help from XH and we split when Ned was 12 months old. TBH I actually found it easier once we'd split - I was so anxious and distressed when with XH that it really affected Ned's sleeping.

    In terms of the SPD, would you have access to some form of occasional care/home care for DD and housework? Do you have family support/friend support other than DH? Maybe this might help and give you some time to yourself.

    In terms of breastfeeding, it's not the end of the world if you don't breastfeed. I DETESTED breastfeeding, and as DS1 was premmie, had to do the whole expressing thing. I never had enough milk and felt so guilty, it was awful. With DS2, he was 10lbs, so much bigger and wanted much more milk, and I gave him formula from day 1 - as well as BF - he had 6 feeds BF per day and 1-2 FF. This made me much more comfortable about BF, as I knew he was getting as much as he possibly could from me, but also wasn't going hungry. I felt much less "guilt" over this.

    Now they're 5 and 2.5, and they are marvellous together. We have our ups and downs, especially as I''m a single Mum and currently XH is having supervised visits, so I do everything. Yes sometimes it's difficult, but I wouldn't hand either of them back for anything.

    Mind you, as bad as this may sound, one of my major reasons for having DS2 was so that DS1 would have a sibling - my marriage was well and truly falling apart and I didn't want DS1 to be an "only" child. (Not that there is anything AT ALL wrong with only children - I don't mean this at all!). I'm from a family of 4, and always wanted 5 kids. I don't know whether this will happen, but I am very happy with the decision that I made to have DS2.

    A very wise old woman once said to me: It's not what you DO that you regret, it's what you DON'T do.

    Each to their own - only you can make the decision. Oh and your DH too LOL! Best wishes.

  11. #11

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    Thanks guys. I just feel very sad about the SPD. If it wasn't for that, I would have started trying ages ago.

    DP and I agreed to just take a "let's see what happens" approach regarding TTC without charting/temping but not taking any precautions.

    But then on Saturday I rolled around on the bed too much with my DD and my SPD flared up again. It just reminded me how absolutely agonising it is. I could cope if it resolved itself after the birth but it's still not right now - nine months after. I've had physio which I should still do but I think most people would be beside themselves if six months after the birth they are still as incapacitated as one week after a caesarean. I've never had a caesarean so I'm making that up a bit (!) but that's the best comparison I can draw. Six months after giving birth I could still only walk for 5 mins, standing was still painful, bending difficult and rolling over in bed very tricky. Apart from that, it's really, really draining to have to keep explaining to DP over and over again why I can't walk as fast as he can, why I don't want him to park a million miles away from the supermarket, why I don't want him to put the pram somewhere where I can't easily get to it etc. etc. etc.. It just does my head in that he can't remember this stuff and even more frustrating that there's so much stuff I can't do. FFS, it even hurt to lift the kettle to fill up bottles of formula.

    And believe me, I can do pain, just not when there's no end in sight and it stops me doing things.

    Apart from DH who found it very hard to understand, I have no support. My family is in the UK and DH's family are not very close.

    Sorry, that was very rambly. Just upset.

  12. #12

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    SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH HARDER!!!

    Maybe because DD1 was so easy I thought the next would be the same... well NOOOOO She aint! It's been completely stressful BUT saying that I still wouldn't change it, even though I feel like I would sometimes... And you know what, give it another few months and it will be even easier, and better... each week is getting better, and more worth it... I am 100% positive that in a few years even months maybe, I will be so much happier that we had them close (17months) and it will be perfect... and I wont even think about these hard times...

  13. #13

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    My 2 are 19 months apart and I think it's much easier the 2nd time. You are more confident and easy going. If you want another then i say go for it. I had my 2 cherubs close together as I heard my clock ticking very loudly also!

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