It sounds like you have some great support. Your mum looking after bub for 5hrs so you can go to bed, hubby doing feeds at night. What i would have given to have someone there to take bub so i coyld rest. You need to somehow get your head around the fact that newborns need to feed regularly and so therefore their sleep is broken up. What your baby is doing is not ridiculous but perfectly normal. Like others have said you should try to get into bed with her and let her fall asleep at the boob and go back to sleep yourself. Having other ppl feed her a lot is not going to help your supply to establish either. If you want to breastfeed then the more she is at the boob the better at this stage. If you're in bed with her you can just let her feed whenever she wants and you can rest at the same time. Look at it as a chance to snuggle and bond with your new baby, smell her, snuggle her and marvel at how precious she is. Close cuddling will release those feel good hormones and so will breastfeeding. It sounds like anxiety may be causing you not to sleep. Try to just let go of the idea of needing big blocks of sleep right now and nap when baby does. Take comfort in the fact that your baby is perfectly normal and healthy and their are plenty of women on here who are going through the same thing. There are also plenty who wish with all of their hearts that they were going through what you are. Your body needs to adjust to lack of sleep and this takes time. It will get easier.
Tasha I could have wrote everything you have. The first month was the hardest time of my entire life. And like you I was a very light sleeper. It's a rude shock when you bring home a baby and realise how little they sleep. It's also a huge adjustment to "sleep when they sleep". Not only are you getting used to sharing your focus on another human being bit it's hard to sleep during the day because you just want to do something other than care for bubs for 5 mins. Please know you are not alone in feeling like this. And please don't feel guilty. It's an adjustment period. Some people go through it harder than others. Doesn't mean we don't appreciate or love our bubs. DD was my miracle baby and I remember feeling so guilty because I felt like I wasn't coping.
I think so many people go through this but are often too scared to share it.
Try and get your mum to come over every couple of days. Even if you can't sleep initially you are still getting a break. Just to take the edge off. I know hearing its normal doesn't always help but I hope it takes the pressure off a little.
And keep talking. Keep sharing. We're all here for you. Even if you feel like a broken record. Sometimes it's not about fixing it but just getting it out so you can gather a bit more strength to keep going. Just remember you are not alone!
Thinking about you Tasha - we will ever be sick of your posts, we just wish there was more we could do to help, but at the same time we know that this is your journey to travel - don't ever worry about reaching out in here. We don't mind. Look after yourself.
My crazy thoughts are "I hate this life" "I don't want her anymore" " she deserves better" "I have made a huge mistake" I haven't felt any joy since the day after she was born. Sometimes I wonder if I love her or not. I don't know because its all so cloudy.
When you all say co sleeping. Do you mean actually in the bed with me? I don't have a tv in there and our room is tiny. I prefer the couch, but it's not as big as a bed. But being on bed all day just makes me more depressed. So many thoughts....
I had all those thoughts too it's called sleep deprivation. Sure if you're worried have a chat to your MCHN. But I promise you I wasn't instantly in love with being a new mum. It was hard work. And the amount of times I would get so angry at myself for feeling like this only to talk to others who felt the same way with their first.
Would it be too presumptuous of me to offer a food drop? I can make something yummy and drop it around. I don't have to come in. But I'm happy to pop in if you like. Sometimes it breaks up the monotony. If you are interested drop me a PM
If you need to move the furniture around. Move the couch out and put your mattress in the lounge room. Co sleeping on a couch is a bit of a no no. Just because of SIDS. I couldn't co sleep with my bubbas. They hated it. But having the bassinet in your room might help. Or even having the bassinet next to the couch so you can rest next to her. I totally understand wanting tv as a distraction. Nothing wrong with that.
Last edited by Rouge; July 30th, 2013 at 10:50 AM.
Tasha sweetheart I just wanted to send you a million hugs. Keep posting. Keep touching base with us to let us know how you are feeling.
You are sleep deprived not crazy. This new mum thing is a masive adjustment. I've thrown my share of sleep deprived tantrums in the last three weeks and I'm sure there will be more to follow.
Use your support network. Be honest when people ask how you are. Know that no matter what, you are not alone.
Oh Tash, I rmemeber with DS1 calling my husband in tears while DS1 cried in his cot telling DH i couldn't do this anymore and that I wanted to give him back. It's a horrible feeling. I will say though, there is a reason that sleep depravation is used as a form of torture by militaries all over the world!
When things got really bad one day, I bundled DS1 into the car, went to the shops and just walked round and round. The change of scenary settled DS and he went off to sleep, I found a little quiet coffee shop and sat and had a coffee. It was enough to recharge my batteries and I felt a little better afterwards.
Is your Mum able to make you some dinners so it's one less thing to do, or do you have a slow cooker. I find that sometimes mornings are slightly easier so I get dinner on then while the boys are less whingey
Big :hugs:. These first days are really hard but you ARE doing a good job. I know it's hard to believe right at this moment, but you really are!
Did you end up calling someone to talk to? Speaking to someone doesn't mean your crazy or you have PND, it just may help to have someone else give you a different perspective on how your feeling, or the pressure you're putting on yourself.
For some of us, feeling the way you are in the first few weeks or months is totally normal. I honestly wasn't sure if I even 'loved' my baby until he was about 6 months old. I was a very independent person before he was born and I really struggled to bond with him for quite a while.
Long term, this all made me a stronger and better person and mum.
Ps. Some people may not like me saying this, but if breast feeding is doing your head in and making the whole experience harder for you, just change to formula, and don't feel guilty about it.
Tasha I'm flat out at the minute but will pm you later, in the meantime I wanted to second babyluv's suggestion of seeking help, make an appointment with your gp or health nurse ASAP, it must be awful feeling as you do
Last edited by minniemouse; July 30th, 2013 at 11:40 AM.
Yep me too! I remember one day crying on the phone to DH telling him to come home. DD was crying in her cot. He came home and found me on the floor still crying with the receiver next to me. He picked me up gave me a cuddle and told me it would be ok. Then he took DD and I slept for a bit.
Even with DS (my second) whom I coped better with I still thought to myself why did I do this and was convinced in moments of sleep deprivation that he hated me.
Lots of good advice here. Some of it conflicting, which I guess could be confusing and overwhelming. I think the important things are:
A. Never ever be afraid or embarrassed to post on here about how you are feeling - even if you feel it is a whinge or a rant (it's not, but I know that's how you feel sometimes).
B. Never be afraid of being judged negatively (on here or IRL). People who judge you can jam it.
C. Any parent who says they have never felt as you do now at one time or another, is either a liar or has a really crappy memory.
D. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Hundreds of women seek help from these services every day. They are experts and your feelings are more common than you think.
E. don't let the fact you were LTTTC stop you expressing your feelings or seeing help. It is percectly normal to feel overwhelmed and disillusioned when something you have wanted for so long arrives and the reality of the hard work of parenting sets in. In some ways I think that LTTTC makes it harder because you feel like you should be so grateful that you finally got a baby to take home. To find yourself struggling is not what you imagined all those years you were TTC.
F. When it comes to conflicting advice, it might help to choose the advice of some one whose parenting you admire and ask them questions directly.
G. As others have said, this will pass. I promise you. You just need to get through this phase of adjustment however you can. Seek help from PANDA, friends, family, Belly Belly... There are so many people who want to be there for you. Accept their help. One day you will pay it forward and help the next person.
H. Make sure you are getting lots of nutritious food. Take supplements if you need to. Drink lots of water. It will help fortify you. If you need help with meals, sing out. I bet you'll get more volunteers than you can handle
Above all, remember you are not alone. You are a good mum. You will get through this.
Yes I meant bed sharing. Sleeping with a baby on the couch is not safe. A flat surface free of pillows and soft doonas is what you need. Get a laptop and watch iview or download movies. Feed lying down and take snacks and water to bed.
I cried a river of tears in those early weeks while adjusting to motherhood. I used to think I heard dd crying even when she wasn't. I had anxiety about so many things, and for me breastfeeding was hard going due to oversupply and nipple damage.
But. I got through it and do will you. It took 6 weeks for me to totally feel besotted with dd. which is very, very normal.
Do what you need to survive these early weeks. Your honesty is helping others already.
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it's called sleep deprivation. Sure if you're worried have a chat to your MCHN. But I promise you I wasn't instantly in love with being a new mum. It was hard work. And the amount of times I would get so angry at myself for feeling like this only to talk to others who felt the same way with their first. 
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