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Thread: Star charts? Who uses one for their toddler?

  1. #19

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    oh don't I know that time of night... there are a few nights a week where I say to DH " I just CAN'T be positive right now, you are going to have to do it alone tonight." I give her a kiss and say "I love you sweetie" and let him do it because I know I can't deal with it at that point in time.


  2. #20

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    Can someone please email me the star chart links. [email protected]
    Kimberley can be a bit much at times as well so i think this might help her be a little better. She hates to pick up toys and is always asking for things when we go to the shops so if i can get that to all change that would be a great start.

  3. #21

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    Have emailed you Michelle.......

  4. #22

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    Just to report, I don't want to get too excited YET, but since all my efforts outlined in this post we have had 3 GOOD sleeps.......ie Olivia has only got out of bed once on each occasion, usually about 20 mins after I have tucked her up..........HUGE improvement!!!!!!!

  5. #23

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    Lucy thank you so much for the link. Kimberley has already picked which one she would like and what one i should get for Alex.

    I'm so pleased to hear yours is working with Olivia.

  6. #24

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    Ummmmmmm, but we had a 4.45 wake up this morning........"want to watch Wiggles Mummy. I already had a big sleep" Arggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

  7. #25

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    Oh Lucy
    Hopefully Olivia will sleep all night for you again 3 nights outof 4 is still very good if she was waking every night before you started to do the chart.
    I think a big well done to you both.

    When you use the charts do you only reward after the have been good for the whole week or do you do it after 4 or 5 days ?
    I was thinking of rewarding Kimberley after 5 days of doing what i set her to do so that way i can reward her maybe at the weekend.

  8. #26

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    My plan is that the "reward" is the star on the (ie she gets to pick a colour & stick it on etc) and then when she has fgilled a row (7 stars) she gets a "treat".....he favourite thing is swimming or a particular park, so they are up on offer.........

  9. #27

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    oh Lucy, this week we've either been woken up at almost 5am or 6.30.... no rhyme or reason. But its a very very important 90 minutes for mums.

  10. #28

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    Hi everyone,
    I just noticed this thread and have always thought that reward plans/star charts were a good idea. But the other day I was looking on the Montessori Books website and I came across a book called "Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A'S, Praise, and Other Bribes" by Alfie Kohn.
    "Do rewards motivate people?" asks Kohn. "Yes. They motivate people to get rewards." Thats what the back on the book says.
    Has anyone read this book? I would be interesting in hearing if anyone has!
    Thanks

  11. #29

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    oh no I haven't read it, but would be interested in seeing what it says. I was told by our Triple P consultant to start trying basic star charts so it would be interesting to hear another side.

  12. #30

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    Ummmmmm, me too.

  13. #31

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    That book does sound very interesting!

    I have drawn up our own chart this morning and the stickers are wiggles stickers, so fingers crossed this might start to work for us! We are moving in about 5 weeks to our house in which the boys will have to share a room, so we are hoping that we can get the idea of the chart across to Campbell before we move. He had a pretty good night last night, so to get the ball rolling I gave him a sticker this morning to put on the chart.

    I am also searching through the boxes (I have packed majority of our house) for the calming Cds and will be putting that in his room tonight as well so fingers crossed we have some luck!

  14. #32

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    Yeah I have always thought there was a fineline, and its only needed to help establish a change in behaviour and then slowly phased out iykwim? Yes I do think that some reward systems can be taken too far and can create problems but I think they can be beneficial too. Our reward is mostly praise as that works for Paris, I'm not sure what will work for Seth although he loves praise already. And like rewards I've heard there can be too much praise too, but I don't think we've crossed that line. I just think when I'm paying for every 'A' on a report card then I know I've got a problem. Moderation is the key I think... don't go overboard. And wean from rewards as soon as possible... and replace with something more realistic long term... like praise daily then maybe praise when sleep is mentioned and never in a condesending way as it is noticed by children and they hate it as much as we do. Its just that they don't know how to vocalise that and it can often errupt behaviourly iykwim? Just remember everything we do we get rewards from, its why we do it. Even if its something selfless we still get a reward even on a subconscious level. So I think the trick is to eventually teach self praise, self appreciation. Showing the feeling of accomplishment iykwim?

    Sorry I'm rambling... and I've had zero sleep due to self inflicted sleep deprivation...

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  15. #33

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    Hi everyone, I just wanted to say a big Thankyou to you all and Woohoo for my little man!

    For the first time since he has been in a bed (which is since Xmas) we had a relatively easy time getting him to stay in his bed going to sleep. We have had the odd occasion where he has fallen asleep in the car, or been so exhausted he hasn't moved, but last night was like most nights, except we put the music on for him.

    He came out twice, but we just put him back and told him the music would be turned off if he kept getting out. I could hear him singing away (it was just Disney Nursery Rhymes no singing) and then he fell off to sleep! Yippee

    He then didn't get out of his room till 5am for the first time and again at 5.30am so he didn't get a sticker (he has to stay in bed till dh has a shower at 6am to get one) but this is still a huge improvement on the recent history!

  16. #34

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    WOO HOO!!! Relle that is fantastic news!

  17. #35

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    I'm going to make my own star chart any ideas on how i should do the lay out ?
    I was thinking Monday - Sunday going down and then across the top do week 1 etc etc till i get to week 4 and then keep the stars on from week to week until we reach week 4.

    Not sure if that is the best thing to do but i thought it might help Kimberley understand how she may have done well one week but not the next.
    Even without the chart she is getting a lot better.

  18. #36

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    Michelle I made up our own chart as well and that was how I did the layout - only our stars are actually wiggles stickers as DS loves the wiggles.

    We were having a couple of better days, but back to a shocker last night!

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