You can offer her the solutions in your words so she just has to pick one.

We sometimes leave on the hall light with the door ajar for Liebs if he needs some light, and we have some glow-in-the-dark toys now he sleeps with.

My DH will opt for bedtime over doing the washing up, but if I am willing to make him wash up again because there's still food on the plate what makes him think he can do a half-arsed job at bedtime? That will not happen. If he tries it, he doesn't get to do it. I may be "mean" but I'd rather have a job done properly, especially where safety is concerned. He yells at you when he does something wrong? Wow, does he not want to be caught murdering your DD? That's what I'd be asking him. No, I just won't allow him to do bedtime until he DOES it rather than just prats about.